Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

It's crazy how much can change in 6 days. I'm not going to lie I feel as though the rug has been well and truly pulled from beneath my feet.

I hope whatever he's doing is worth it because I can't ever see myself being able to forgive him doing this to me at a point in my life where I'm vulnerable and needed support more than ever.

I'm kicking myself for not seeing what a spineless git he really is, before I brought our two children into the world, because now they're stuck with a total shit as a father and that's all my fault

They may have a shit Dad but they have an amazing Mum.

Don't blame yourself for any of that. He's a shit and that's all on him not you.

When I say I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive him, what I mean is i don't see me ever being able to move past it and be friendly with him.

The relationship is already dead and gone, I would never take him back now, but I am concerned about how on earth I'm going to be able to co-parent with him when I feel the way that I do.

I wouldn't be able to sit in a room with him exchanging pleasantries nor do I want to have to.

Unfortunately I have a feeling he's not going to bother pulling his weight with the DC now he's gone so I may never have to.

because now they're stuck with a total shit as a father and that's all my fault

It’s his fault, not yours.

You’re doing the right thing by them right now, you’re doing everything you can and that’s what matters in the end. I was never out first by either parent as a child and that is all I ever really wanted, just one of them to ask themselves what was right and what was best for me. You’ve done that. You’re not doing what’s easy, you’re doing what’s best for your children’s future. One parent being absolutely on the ball and keeping everything ticking over, whilst giving time and love above all the relationship issues and money issues - is everything. My sis (now NC) spends so so much time fretting over her abusive bastard partner, that she neglects he kids. My mum did the same. It was all about the arguing and drama, never about the actual children. Concentrate on the kids and you’re doing the best thing you can for them.

You’ve been so strong. I’m just catching up on your posts as I’ve been away, I can’t believe how determined and organised you’re being, you should be so proud of keeping it together, you’ve had such a shit time and you’re still pushing forwards. You’re an absolute star!

Be proud of yourself and your achievements.
Concentrate on you and your children.
Good luck going forward 💐

I guess the good news is that if he has FOTTOSOF then he has no further influence on your children. They will be influenced only by the awesomely strong woman that you are and the wonderful people that you choose to have in your life.

Hi all, back again and would really appreciate some advice on current update. I'm a bit anxious.

I had my first UC appointment this morning to give them my tenancy and proof of ID.

The work coach offered me an advance payment of £1100 to help with the rent until my next payment which will be on 1st Dec.

My rent is £1000pcm (London)

I asked whether £1100 was my total monthly allowance and said that was a concern to me because 90 percent of that is my rent.

She said she thinks so yes, but couldn't say for certain?

I'm panicking now because if that is such, that will leave me £100 per month to pay all the bills, buy food etc. There is no way I can survive with two young children on 100 a month.

She did say the "child part" of my claim would be checked before being added on so the total amount "may" change?

Has anybody any experience of UC with two young children or can say whether this sounds right, is the monthly amount likely to change once they've contacted tax credits or whatever? Work coach was lovely but not very informative.. She couldn't confirm my total amount monthly other than to say she "thinks" it's £1100 but might change.

I just want to get back to normal and go to work but my GP and therapist don't think I'm able to yet. For those who haven't RTFT I have diagnosis of PTSD and PND, I'm also on beta blockers for panic attacks and am immunodeficient after sepsis.

I'm not being pressured by UC to find work for at least another 6 months but I can't live off 100 a month for the next 6.. I'll starve

Sorry for the ramble. Freaking out a bit. Xmas around the corner and it doesn't look like it's going to be happening in my flat.

I've never had to rely on benefits for myself and have always worked, then as soon as I need a bit of support whilst I get back to normal that arsehole goes and leaves us in this mess

Please no benefits bashing, I'm mortified that I've had to apply in the first place. I've always worked and paid into the system. The children's father was supporting us all and my plan was to go back to work as soon as feasibly possible - which is still my aim

Have you looked at the entitledto website?

The thing is that UC won’t cover your whole rent, you only get the bedroom allowance for your area. So if you are eligible for say 2 bedrooms, (one for you, one for the kids) then you’ll get the 2 bedroom rate for your LA which may be for example £650 pcm even though your rent is £1000. Look up your areas Local Housing Allowance.

You’ll get a child element, a single person element, and a housing element. For me (not in London) these total about £1400.

Remember you’ll also get child benefit, and your ex should be paying child maintenance.

I've been on entitled to this morning but the form is glitching and won't let me enter my children's ages, unsure whether it's an issue with the site or my device.

I'm definitely planning on claiming maintenance but like most things where my ex is concerned, I don't have much faith in him to comply.

I'm going against HCP's advice and searching for part time jobs now, not a clue how I'll manage and doubt that I will but I don't have a choice now. £100 per month after rent won't even cover the council tax and gas, let alone electric and food etc. The kids need winter clothes, I have a water bill, the broadband will now be the first thing to go despite me being in an 18 month contract so that will inevitably result in debt collectors. Fuck.

Don't get me wrong I'm beyond grateful that I'm able to get any help at all, but we can't survive on it

I've never had to claim housing benefit or the universal credit equivalent of it before now, a friend told me that when she had to claim HB for a few months the HB covered the entire rent because she has children. That was up north though, and not universal credit, so things have certainly changed.

You previously said your toddler is disabled, you may be entitled to DLA for them and carers allowance (£66 per week) for you, they take the carers allowance off of the UC but they add on a disabled child and a carer premium so it is cost neutral apart from they are quick to take away UC but not carers allowance. The DLA would not be taken into account for UC and is approx £300 every 4 weeks depending on what level of extra support is needed compared to children the same age who are not disabled. If you sort those things out you would be about £500/600 better off every 4 weeks

Also, if you inform the child benefit people that you are now single they will pay you weekly if that helps

Single person discount on council tax?
Get an appointment with citizens advice.
Get on with the child maintenance

Hi OP, our UC starts at just under 1500 (is always less then that though as DH works so that gets deducted). That is for rent, basic and two children so yours should be similar I would imagine if not more maybe? Our rent is nearly half yours so you might get more but I really couldn't say.

@mankyfourthtoe UC links in to CT reductions so they calculate it and notify them accordingly, then CT will send you an amended bill and payment plan. No appointment needed at CAB.

lha-direct.voa.gov.uk/

benefits-calculator.turn2us.org.uk/AboutYou

Try not to panic. I’m pretty sure you will be entitled to more than 1100 a month.

Also you should check with your local authority about council tax benefit reduction because it’s not automatically added by UC in certain areas. Also might be worth applying for DLA for your disabled child 💐

Have contacted DLA for a claim pack for DS, gathering up my supporting evidence this week for the application. I have HV referrals, SALT input, physio input, GP input and paed referral which has been made so I'm hoping he gets it.

His conditions are suspected ASD and global developmental delay, he also has mobility issues as a result of severe tibial torsion and in toeing. His legs are bowed to an extent which makes it unsafe for him to be out of his pram when outdoors because he falls so often. He needs special shoes because he can't wear standard shoes.

He also has a foam helmet because he's prone to aggressive headbanging, this is all logged and flagged with HCP's.

I say suspected ASD because he's still on the diagnostic pathway but there is no doubt he has it, it runs in the family and HCP's who know him are certain because he fits every flag and criteria.

I haven't applied before now because I wanted to wait for a diagnosis incase he was rejected due to his age, but I've had alot of advice from others in a DLA support group who think he stands a good chance so I'm hoping for the best.

Thats a really positive step. Just be prepared for how emotional it is to fill in, especially with everything else ypu have goong on. Might be best to do it in chunks over a couple of days. For me it was the first time i had put everything down on paper and found it quite overwhelming emotionally.

You're being so strong, you're a fantastic example to your kids x

Be prepared for the first dla claim to be rejected. Most are. Appeal immediately. A lot of appeals are accepted.

A couple of years ago I helped a client claim discretionary HB to help cover the shortfall in HB, may be worth looking into. Alternatively I remember reading you can apply for social housing if your rent is over a certain percentage of your income so might be worth contacting shelter for more advice.

I've heard of many many cases where DLA is rejected on the first go but then won after a mandatory consideration I think it's called? I'll definitely fight for it.

I will look into shelter. Council accommodation would be wonderful but there's very little (if any) available in London, people have been on waiting lists for 5-10 years and I'm not priority as I have housing (just expensive)

I feel a bit ashamed to tell you the truth, having to rely solely on benefits. I feel as though I should be standing on my own two feet. I'm going to focus on getting better and get back into work as soon as I can. I think my MH would benefit from that.

Paid my landlord this months rent out of my advance. The one good thing about all of this is that I'm no longer at the mercy of that prick, and have managed to secure the kids home even if I have had to accept help elsewhere to do that just now.

Here's to new beginnings.