Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

Forgot to add.

DM is here again, the star that she is. I really don't know what I would do without her. My aunt is also blowing up my phone making sure I'm ok and offering support. I'm not going to be alone through this. Thank god.

It's the callous calculated way he's gone about this which is so galling OP. You are doing fab and clearly so much better off without twatfeatures dragging you down. Your kids have someone to look up to in their strong mamma 💪

Do you know where the OW is?

I know where she lives, 20 mins away, unless she has moved.

I would be very surprised if she hasn't moved and he's holed up there with her in her house where I went before because he'll be on edge wondering whether I'm going to confront her again, surely.

My gut tells me she (or they) have got another place.

I'm thinking maybe she's moved otherwise he would be the biggest fool that ever lived to take that risk not knowing if I'm going to turn up.

Thank god for the strong women in your life, OP.... your kids are going to have some stellar role models by the sounds of things. Forget the other genetic material and move onwards and upwards!!!

Your landlord sounds so lovely.

Just be prepared to be up and down. Google the cycle of grief, because you will be grieving the liss of the relationship even though he's been awful. I usually go from being upset, to being angry, to being strong and cycle through those three. Some days really quickly and it's awful being up and down so constantly. But when I start to slow down and remain longer in angry and strong, I know I'm moving forward.

Yes my mum and aunt are fab, such strong women and I've no doubt they'll see me through this.

I'll look up the cycle of grief, thank you. At the moment I'm just furious. I'm back on auto pilot, feeling 'wired' almost but just so so angry.

I was in pieces early this afternoon when I got his "its over for good it's for the best" text, crying and inconsolable (he didn't know that) but then when I found out about the debt that desperation turned into absolute fury - cue me making plans IE change the locks, universal credit, CSA.

I would rather be angry than sad because at least whilst I'm angry I have focus and can get things put in place, I don't want to be sad again but I know i will be

I just want to hate him completely, for good. That's all he deserves from me.

I don't want to remember the good times. I don't want to see our little boys confused face looking around wondering where his favourite person has gone.

Tears welled up a bit writing that but I did that to myself. I need not to let my mind wander off into those places. The kids are fine, they have me. They don't know what's happening and are too young to understand thankfully.

OP you are incredible, you're handling this in the best possible way. I'd say keep the anger burning, itll give you the extra strength and energy you need right now

You actually sound very emotionally healthy to me, OP. You are allowing yourself to feel all the feelings and being honest with yourself. Please don’t pretend to be feeling anything other than what you’re feeling. That’s how you make yourself physically and psychologically ill, and you know you can’t afford that when you have the little ones and life to get on with. You have a “Happily Ever After” of your own to write starting from now that doesn’t include the entitled, lying manchild, and even though it’s bloody scary, you’ve got some fantastic support in real life and on here. We’re all really proud of you!!!

Thank you ladies, the messages of support mean the world. Did anybody catch what Andrea said before it was removed? I know of somebody with that name, on his side of the family, so it's got me wondering...

However, j've got a new tenancy as of this morning! I just need to print it off and sign it on my end, then we're good to go. I'm making a claim for UC now I have the tenancy and can claim the HB element which will completely cover the cost of the place.

Landlord is abroad until the 1st November but when he's back in the UK he's going to come round and go over everything.

The flat is mine and the kids

It's a bit daunting moving over to UC because of all the negative press but it's the only way of securing the flat so ill do what I need to.

Deep breath, well done and the first day of a happy new family!

Well done OP!

Don't worry about the deleted message - it's a random spammer - posted on numerous threads early this morning with some nonsense about improving your credit rating

well done, strong lady!

Ive just caught up on the thread OP - what an amazing strong woman you are!

You should be so proud of yourself!!!

Worth looking to see if you have Homestart available in your area - they might be able to lend a helping hand while you get back on your feet

www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/things-we-can-help-with

I am so happy that your LL is such a Star and you don’t need to worry about moving as well!

I don’t know what Andrea said, but I wouldn’t worry. Seems everything posted by Andrea on lots of threads was removed. I suspect it was a troll or some “random” looking for “work”.....

The post from Andrea was spam about US hackers. Not a real post. X

Flipping heck @3ll3nor!

Your Landlord is a superstar.

Your Mum and your Aunt sound like fantastic support.

And let's not forget, you are bloody awesome too!

You and the kids will be fine. You will soar. And I'm sure your MH will rapidly improve without this loser around. Keep going to your counselling, and keep going strong. You've got this.

OP the Andrea post was just spam—been all over the boards in the wee hours posting some nonsense about a hacker service. Wasn’t directed to you or your thread.

Whoops! I see Andrea’s antics have been thoroughly addressed by others.

OP, well done! Now get yourself sorted and strong. And be aware that within six months he may well be trying to hoover you up and get his feet back under the table once OW grows tired of him.

Don't be his soft place to fall.

ve just clicked on to something else.

So he has been between jobs for the past 5 weeks, before getting this new job.

He has been doing some cash in hand work for an old friend, helping with removals.

He would leave at 7.30am and get back at 7.30pm. Apparently only doing one job per day.

Some strange comments about having to wait around for hours for the clients to do something with their keys. Drop off or pick up. I can't remember.

I thought nothing of it, until twice he returned with no money.

One time returns with 30 pounds. Said it was a tip and he gets the cash in hand wage on Friday.

Questioned why he hadn't been paid, he said removals boss pays everyone Fridays, yet he had been paid cash in hand on the day before, and those times were not Fridays.

He has clearly been using this time 'working' to go round to her place.

Fucking bastard.

That's what he has been doing. Sussed him.

I removal per day -Yes , that is how removals work
Yes they can wait around for a while for the keys to be released ...this happens because it can take a while to 'complete ' on a move i.e waiting for money to be transferred , and as you have to be moved out of the house you are selling by the time the money is released
£30 tip . again perfectly possible , some of my men ( I own a removal company ) have had £100 tips before now

Being paid at the end of the week , yes perfectly normal , although it should be going through PAYE , being paid in cash is perfectly legal ( as long as paye applied )

I know this thread will end up with you confirming he has been having an affair.............because these threads always end up like that
, but your logic and reasoning as shown in this post and others are flawed

There is something about this thread that makes me wonder

You are incredibly strong and will be just fine without that pathetic lying cheating low life weasel in your life.

It's easier to be on your own than spending all your waking hours second guessing what he's up to, being lied to, gaslighted, manipulated and generally treated like crap.

Don't be afraid of UC, I went on to it after splitting with my ex and moving in to my own place, and found the process remarkably straightforward. I like that it adjusts monthly and I know I can't end up with arrears or overpayments, like you can with TC. It's easier having all payments in one, too.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said - A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is until it’s in hot water.

@pelirocco123 makes you wonder what may I ask?

There were alot of inconsistencies about his temporary work and I haven't gone into them all in depth as that was just one part of the bigger picture of not trusting him.

One day he would come home with cash in hand (not the day he got the tip) then other days he would come back and say he's not being paid until the Friday and that it would be going into the bank then, when previously he had been paid on the day in cash - so the payment methods changed and when he would get those payments changed. He couldn't explain why it was chopping and changing.

That aside though, throwing out his clothes in the week leading up that he claims he doesn't want any more, then sneaking out with bags disguised as old uniform saying he needs to take it to his old employer near where the OW lives but admitting they hadn't asked for him to return anything. Taking his passport out of the flat and my keys go missing. Disappearing without explanation and then saying he's not coming back and it's for the best, I then find out he has been withholding rent and has left me in debt.

Given his history of cheating and tendency to lying I don't think there's any other explanation really, men like him don't leave without having a better option to go to.

I have read this whole thread openmouthed - OP you are doing so brilliantly, you are strong, articulate, clear-headed. If this is what you're like when you're cast down, I'd never want to come up against you when you're fighting fit!

You've achieved so much so quickly - well done. Cannot believe your ex.