Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

He's such a scumbag.
He's suddenly realised that you're much better off without him and he's a lot worse off without you.
He made his bed. Let him lie in it.
I know I don't know you but I'm so proud of you for staying strong. Your children are so lucky to have you.

Don't waver OP.

I'm sure you won't anyway, but there is no way you could ever take him back after all this.

UC shouldn't take long - it's much better these days.

I'm so angry with your ex for doing this to you and to the boys.

Stay strong OP.

Arrange to meet him somewhere neutral and then get your lovely mum to drop the DC off and do the collect as well.

Fucking hell OP you've got more done this week than me and I've only had a normal one - you're amazing!!

OP, you rock. You have more guts and balls in your little finger than this pathetic manipulative cheating lying little scrotewaffle has in his entire body.

Your LL and family sound awesome. Remember you have strength in your very genes!

Even if OW has changed her mind (might explain him trying to skulk back) do not take this excuse for a man back. You have the collective will and power of mners behind you, many who've been there.

You're strong. You can do this.

OnceUponMMidnightStory
What you said!

3ll2nor, you are awesome. Very, very well done. Keep it up!

UC doesn't take long to sort they usually very good about things, and you will be on track soon :)

As for him, he's gonna grovel and make out he's changed blah blah, this is how he think he can control you and your feeling.... vile excuse!!

I've been there it's not oretty and I'm glad I never took the bastard back!

When your sorted with money etc ask your mum if she will watch the kids, go and have your hair or nails done, feel papmpered( worked for me)
look after your self darling xx keep that chin up

He is probably shocked you didn't do the pick me dance, and is trying to get you to take him back, so he can do it all over again. He was waiting for you to turn up at the OW's place
Or he has realised that with the arrears and the CMS he is not going to have much cash to flash on the OW.
Either way, suggest he takes the kids to soft play or something away from the house.

OP x

I am so sorry for what you have been through OP and what you are still going through.

I hope the link below might be able to help you:

www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/managing-money-and-debt/turn2us-grants-search/

Well done on the tenancy, and the UC.
DO NOT let him have the kids until the CMA is in force, I don’t hink it’s too much of a stretch for this useless human to take them from you and not return them!
Just send him a text telling him that as of the date he sent you ‘it’s all over text’ ....it’s all over. No coming back, no relationship. And because of his lack of decency and honesty you will be protecting the kids by not letting him see them until it is legally organised.
Do not enter into any discussion.
Let him send whatever he likes by text, just think of it as him hanging himself, the more he does that the better your case against him will be.

I cannot tell you how much I am in awe of you. You are amazing! 🦸‍♀️

Onwards and upwards, you fantastically strong woman! I know you probably don't believe it but fucking hell, you are killing it and I am genuinely in awe of how you're coping. You'll probably have some down days once the anger goes and the adrenaline peaks but your DC couldn't ask for a better mother and you should be immensely proud of yourself!!

You’re a lioness! I can hear you roar from here.

Your babies are so lucky to have you.

Keep on keeping on!

I'm so impressed you've kept strong and taken control, he thought he was deciding if he stays or goes I'm sure it will be a big shock to realise that it's no longer up to him!
Well done op, keep strong!

Definitely meet him somewhere in public so he doesn’t think he gets to perch on your sofa ever again... what a stupid idiot he is!!!
Bet OW saw through him pretty damn quick and realized what a knob he was (and how much money he owed!!!)

I'll share the best advice I was given by my counsellor when I left my ex-husband:
don't expect anything from him.

Even expecting him to be civil or keep to agreed arrangements led to me being disappointed and sunk down in the depths again; the best thing was to just rely on myself, and if ex did actually do anything to help the situation then it was a bonus!
Stay strong 3113nor, you can do it! Give your babies an extra cuddle xx

Well done💐

Fab, keep strong and just remember what he did if you ever waver

You’re a lioness! I can hear you roar from here

Your babies are so lucky to have you

^^ This in spades.

Interesting how suddenly he doesn't think that being over is for the best. You've surprised him. He thought he had all the power. What a wake up call that must have been for him.

His further texts accusing you of keeping the children from him are an insight into how he's going to play this going forward. Head high, play by the book and keep doing what you've been doing.

I find your thread inspirational OP. If you ever have a wobble re-read all of these comments and gather the strength to carry on with your new life. Good Luck you have made the right decision and will look back and realise what a truly amazing woman you are. I wish you all the best for now and the future.

Haha, he's so pissed off, because he thought you'd be grovelling and begging him to come back, and he loved the thought of having that power, but you didn't play ball! He thought he'd be back with his feet under the table by now, having you doing everything he wants, and walking on eggshells, too scared he might run off again.

Instead, he discovered that you saw through his bullshit and won't accept it. He'll up the ante, promising you the world, he'll even be the one grovelling and begging, anything that will enable him to get his comfortable life back.

Once he realises that nothing's going to change your mind, he'll get nasty, so be prepared for that. But you'll be fine, because you are STRONG.

Once he realises that nothing's going to change your mind, he'll get nasty, so be prepared for that

Absolutely. He will start off by having the DC regularly and then he'll whine that he has nowhere to take them and look after them.

Eventually he won't bother seeing them. My Ex was like that and now has no relationship with his children at all.

And he doesn't care, either.

Stay strong, @3ll3nor.

Hi all. I'm just dropping by to re-read the thread and the new comments.

As before, thank you all so much for the support.

I'm doing so/so at the minute. Going through the motions.

I have my UC appointment next Thursday to take my documents in and I presume my claim will go live from then. I'll be applying for an advance so I can cover the next months rent whilst I wait for everything to change over (no more tax credits on a weekly basis etc)

I haven't let him round. I told him he could take the DC to his parents for a few hours but he couldn't be arsed to do that, his "nice and regretful" mask didn't last long and he's back to being an arsehole again saying he doesn't love me anyway.

Not sure what he hoped to achieve by backtracking the other day. He probably had a wobble with the OW then decided he wants her after all when I didn't take the bait.

I'm going for a couple of cocktails with my friend tomorrow which I'm really looking forward to, she's lovely and we're well overdue a catch up. I'm hoping I'll be able to be the "old me" for a few hours and put him out of my thoughts.

Going for cocktails with a friend sounds great. A bit of a break will do you good.

Your UC claim, might be taken from when you first rang them. That's what happened with my Pip claim, even though a few months had passed between me ringing for the forms, and then getting a benefits advisor to apply for me.

OP the strength you've shown throughout all of this is amazing.

You and your children will be okay and are much better off without him.