Strange behaviour from OH who has been unfaithful before. AIBU?

[3ll3nor]

Currently trying to work past my OH cheating on me last year. We have two very young children. I know what the general census will be but I did not at that time want to be a single parent.

The woman he cheated with lives on the same road as the company he worked for. I couldn't relax for wondering whether he was seeing her on his lunch breaks etc.

He finally left that place 5 weeks ago and has just got a new job somewhere else, nowhere near the OW. He claims there has been no contact. I don't check his phone so I only have his word for that.

Today out of the blue he comes out with "oh I think I'll pop to the shops and get babymilk etc"

No problem, all normal

He spent ages digging in the cupboard under the stairs and emerges with a bag of unwashed work uniform from his old place of employment and says he's taking them back to the company.

At no point has the company asked him to return old uniform. I used to work for the same company and they've never asked me for anything of the sort.

He confirms they haven't actually asked him to bring back the uniform.

AIBU to say this is dodgy?

He doesn't think so, and has gone in a mood at my suggestion that it's unusual.

He puts the bag back and says he won't bother then, and leaves in a mood.

WIBU to think this was odd?

He is also not on the books with the removals company, he knows the boss personally and the work was a strictly 'as and when' needed arrangement with no plans to be given a contract and or full time, long term employment.

If he's not on the books (which I know for certain) then I don't see how it would be possible for him to be paid via PAYE as though he was an employee of the company.

If anybody knows for sure to the contrary then I'm prepared to be told I'm wrong in regards to that part, but as a whole he's screwed me over big time and I can't see any reason he would want to do this to me and our two young children unless there was something in it for him IE being free to have a relationship with somebody else.

I appreciate life hasn't been easy this year what with me being unwell after having DD, having to stay in the hospital and juggle looking after the children and my recovery, but if he hasn't left for somebody else then why do this?

If you just don't love somebody anymore you have a sit down conversation and do your best to part amicably, you don't run off with the rent money and leave the partner in the shit with two small babies.

I don't know, I just don't believe he has done this for any reason other than for his own ends.

@pelirocco123 have you read the rest of the thread?

And if you don't believe a thread is real, report it to MN, don't troll hunt.

Crossposted thank you so much thenewname that's very kind of you to say, and the same goes for the rest of you who have taken the time to provide reassurance and support. I appreciate it more than you know

I'm not trolling at all if anybody else is wondering.

I use MN regularly, although i do name change. This is primarily out of embarrassment that I haven't done something about leaving him sooner.

Some of the PP's in the early pages know who I am and recognise my situation from earlier threads that I've written, about my relationship, before - during - after everything I've had going on with my health since I had DD and subsequent problems with the relationship. DP being fired and so on.

No troll here, just somebody in a very difficult position benefiting from the advice offered by other posters.

Fuck me. @3ll3nor you are fucking awesome.

Just wanted to come back and see how you’re doing today @3ll3nor - ignore the post questioning your logic, obviously there is a lot more and it’s only when you come out of the other end of a crap relationship that all sorts of things start fitting together like a jigsaw. I had this with my Ex - he took me for a fool and then some, landed me in a LOT of debt that ended up with me entering into an IVA because there was no way otherwise for me to repay it... he was a gambling addict and I was too young and naive to spot it, until I finally decided the relationship was not worth the effort only I was putting into it, then my mind went into overdrive and all sorts of things became very clear, hindsight is 20/20 as they say!

You seem to be doing well and as I said before - keep that righteous anger, you will have ups and downs emotionally but as a PP said, so long as you acknowledge those feelings you’re going about it in a very healthy way 😊

I’m glad to read your Landlord has been so supportive and that you have support IRL.

After I left my ex (who was emotionally and physically abusive on top of the gambling addiction) it took a while for me to feel like myself again, I realised I’d compromised so much of myself to try and make the relationship work - i’d become a shadow of my former self.

Six years later I met my DH and whilst he and I have had our moments, it’s a much healthier relationship. I’m not saying you need to be thinking of another relationship of course, but I just wanted to offer my experience.

You are doing brilliantly and I’m sure there are moments where you don’t feel at all strong, but if you continue as you have you will realise just how strong you are 😊

wow, just read this entire thread. you're doing brilliantly

Well done OP, you are amazingly strong. Hard now but this is all for best

You’ve done so well op, you should be really proud of yourself. Is this new job a contract? So you can claim maintenance?

His new job is under contract yes, at a reputable firm. I've managed to confirm that he definitely has the job (I contacted what was our mutual friend, the person who recommended him for the job) and he has confirmed 1) he had the interview on the day he told me and 2) he has definitely got the job.

He starts there on Friday so I will be giving all of those details in my claim for maintenance. I have contacted them before and they sent me an information pack, which I still have. I knew this day would come so wanted to put things in place for when it did. Obviously I couldn't claim whilst he was under this roof but now he's gone I can, and I will

OP you are amazing. You are being such an unbelievably strong woman, and mother. Your ex is the lowest of the low, I'm absolutely disgusted by him. Stay strong x

stay strong OP. your mum and landlord sound fab. you can do this!

You're doing so amazingly op. Your success will be the ultimate fuck you to the cheating scummy piece of shit.

Hope your having a better day OP, thinking of you xx

Just wanted to send you this 🦸‍♀️❤️ You’re just bloody awesome!

Supporting you from afar OP! You're doing brilliantly in a horrible situation. You'll get through this and have a wonderful life without him.

I'd be tempted to try and find out whether you're liable for any of the rent debt and if you're going to be required to pay any of it off / repayment scheme. Would it be worth contacting a debt charity to find out.
Hopefully full responsibility is on him.

As OP was on the tenancy agreement with her ex, she will be jointly and severally liable for the debt. That means that if the LL can't get the money off ex, he can get OP to pay it.

I am so sorry he’s done this to you and your two tiny DCs. What a useless pathetic excuse he is. From the way that you face the unpalatable truths I can see that you’re a strong woman, OP, and you will get yourself out of this mess and bring your DCs up better than you could have with him around. Keep plodding on.

@Motoko yes but the LL sounds like a nice guy who would rather pursue the culprit of the arrears (wanker ex) than innocent OP.

@JohnCRaven I agree. I was just pointing out the legal position. If OP's ex refuses to pay, he might have to reclaim the arrears from OP. Hopefully, if that's the case, he'll allow OP to pay it in instalments.

@Motoko hopefully he's the kind of nice landlord who will make it as easy as possible for the OP and as hard as possible for her scumbag ex.

Wow @3ll3nor you are amazing!! We are all here with you!! You can do this!! You are strong!!

Small update, I've put in my claim for UC

Took a long walk to the library today for some air and to print off the tenancy in preparation for the UC interview only to find out that they no longer have printing and copying facilities which was bloody annoying then to top it off I got saturated on the way home in torrential rain.

I have a laptop and broadband at home just no printer so I'll have to find an internet cafe tomorrow.

Feeling a bit down today, I've had ExP texting wanting to come and see the children and claiming he wants to come home for good at the same time and give us another ago because he "loves" me.

I've reminded him that myself and LL have changed the tenancy and as far as I'm concerned the LL doesn't want him here anymore. I'm not risking my home for him after what he has done, it's gone too far for that. I couldn't take him back now even if I wanted to, and if I'm honest with myself I don't.

I got a shirty text back telling me I'm keeping him from the children. I'm not.

Spoke to LL briefly to let him know the UC claim has gone in, he told me that he's spoken to ExP and ExP has taken responsibility for the arrears and they are going to draw up a payment plan to reduce them as quickly as possible, with ExP starting the new job. I really hope he's being genuine and it's not just lip service to try and worm his way back in, because if so then I'll have to find the money to pay the arrears myself somehow. Unfortunately I don't trust much he says now

Still receiving alot of support from my DM so I'm not on my own which is making things easier for the time being.

You need to make it clear he's not coming in the home anymore so maybe meet up to handover the children, then he can just drop off at your front door.

He might still love you but he's been so deceptive and lied to you for weeks. Good luck.