Would you have a baby with no extended family to support?

[rainbowcakeicing]

I don’t mean living far away either, I mean literally no one.

Because this is just my life, it’s not something I’ve really thought about but people seem to think this is an issue, so thought I’d ask!

Yes, I did. It's harder but not impossibly hard

what about the baby's father? Would they provide support?

It would be hard doing it with no family but you can do it, you can also use friends!

Yes. I am grateful for all that my family do, as they make my life easier and get me out of a tight spot with childcare at times, but it’s nothing I couldn’t have managed myself I I’d had to.

Yes. Didn't even consider it might be a problem and it hasn't been really.

We do have family but they live far away/are unreliable. It's hard going at times (especially when you hear other parents talking about being able to go on regular date nights, or popping to Grandmas for a weekly roast) but we manage and I worried we wouldn't. What helps is having good friends, I know a few people in similar situations so we offer to babysit for each other and try to have regular playdates. That really helps, I feel we are building our own family.

I realise that your situation would be different but I just wanted to say it's doable, if you have a supportive partner and friends IMO.

With a partner - yes.
Without a partner - no.
My DC have been terrible sleepers and had medical issues. I could have managed without the wider family but not without DH.

We both have families, but we had DS in England and they live a shorthaul flight away in our home country, so of no practical support, if that’s what you mean. To be honest, I find the expectation of free childcare from grandparents a bit strange, anyway. It would never have influenced whether we had a child or not. Every hour of childcare or babysitting we've ever had has been paid for.

I might not chose to have a baby alone without the support of some family. But if you are having a baby with a partner then it is manageable. Like the others above....I do have an extended family (no immediate family) but I don’t get any help from them. Occasional day time babysitting from my MIL (like once a quarter!).

I think I'd have one but I'd really question having a second.

I did. And yes, it was hard and yes, there were days I wish I could give my child to someone I trust while I rest/get over a cold or work extra hours. But it can be done. Motherhood isn't easy at the best of times and can be harder when alone. But I can be done.

It’s hard and be prepared for no one else to really “get it” and have to listen to them complain about their family who provide loads of childcare, it’s ok but I constantly had to remind myself they weren’t me and it was ok for them to get annoyed at different things to me

I have no extended family to help. DH and I are expats. We are SO happy and have none of the problems that you see so often on here - no in laws or parents causing problems or overstepping boundaries or any tension! Yeah we don’t have free childcare but it’s really not difficult, at all. We simply work our timetables around the kids and if we need to then we can hire outside childcare. It’s even easier now one of DC is old enough for kindergarten. I wouldn’t change it for the world, really! We have friends, we have each other. Life is easier without people around who might mean well but can cause problems (like the problems that make up the entire AIBU board)!

Don’t get me wrong - I’d love to go out for dinner or a drink just me and DH without having to plan and pay for a babysitter. But all in all I think the benefits outweigh the negatives by far, and DH and I have such a great sense of achievement and pride in ourselves and our family because we do it all just the two of us.

I did with my eldest. It's difficult to be a new mum completely on your own. I do not recommend it at all. Your physical and mental health will suffer with no support.

I think that’s very dependent upon what other support you have got around you and how supportive the baby’s father is as well.

I don’t necessarily think you need family to raise a child but having support whether that’s blood related or not is beneficial.

Not a baby, but I did, I do have family but they choose not to have anything to do with me. I have a cousin I see fairly regularly, but for the first six months she wasn’t in the UK.

The main thing is that I don’t know any different, it’s just my normal, and even if my family were involved it doesn’t mean I would have babysitters on tap etc.

Yes I would. You don't know who may come into your life in future

No! Why make life harder than it has to be!

Erm, because I’d like to be a parent, sprinkle?

Only if I had money- friends never help but you can pay for help!

Can you afford help like a nanny, au pair or babysitter? If yes then it's a lot more achievable on your own.

Do you have a partner?

Assuming you do then it's perfectly normal for people who don't live near their families or who have no family to have children. Very few of my school friends live in my home town and very few of my friends now grew up in the place I currently live of course they have children, why wouldn't they?

I can see it’d be harder but I’d still do it in a heartbeat.

No coconut, I do think it’s an important distinction to make between having people you could get support from, albeit it may cause them or you great inconvenience, and having no support at all. I’m not saying that to be snippy, but I do think it’s important to make that distinction.

@rainbowcakeicing is there a father involved in this or are you doing it completely solo?

I have 2 under 2 with no family support, but I do have a DH.