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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
CaptainMyCaptain · 19/10/2019 23:27

Don't go if you don't want to but what harm can it do?

Isohungy · 19/10/2019 23:28

as they can't have children

Is it nuts? Yes. But you clearly have absolutely zero understanding of how much being unable to have children when you want them affects your life. They've found happiness with their dog, don't be so fucking miserable.

Also the last bit of your post makes it explicitly clear you dislike her. Your BIL is in on this too else it wouldn't be happening.

Whatsforu · 19/10/2019 23:28

I am a dog lover but feel this is bonkers. Another example of humanising our animalsHmm

Celebelly · 19/10/2019 23:28

Well I'd rather go to a dog's party than a child's party Grin For some people, pets are very important to them and fulfil a nurturing role for their owners not dissimilar to parenting. If they're not doing any harm...

gamerchick · 19/10/2019 23:28

Meh, any excuse for a piss up imo Grin

DariaMorgendorffer · 19/10/2019 23:29

Aw, I think it's lovely. Their dog is important to them. If you don't get it, and don't want to be on board, then don't go.

Howlovely · 19/10/2019 23:29

I think this is absurd but you saying that to her and/or her family will do more harm than good. She is not going to change because you don't like it and it will cause a lot of upset. Who is she harming actually? Either go in good grace or stay at home tutting and eyerolling about her behind her back.

bridgetreilly · 19/10/2019 23:30

No, YANBU. I would not go, I would not acknowledge an animal's birthday in any way at all, even if it were my own pet, let alone someone else's. And I would not invite someone else's pet to participate in events I was hosting either.

thisneverendingsummer · 19/10/2019 23:30

@Thinblues

YANBU. They sound barking mad.

I don't wuff the idea of it, but I would consider going. Up to you.

PurpleDaisies · 19/10/2019 23:30

I don’t understand the problem with going.

A pet wedding would be a step too far for me.

worriedmama1980 · 19/10/2019 23:31

Is this a reverse? You think it's abnormal they like their dog?

My SIL has doggy birthday parties for her dogs, no infertility just people who love their pets. It's slightly tongue in cheek but not that much: they build their lives around not leaving the dogs home alone for hours as that's what responsible dog owners do.

Photographer would be OTT for a childs birthday, never mind a dogs, bit you really are t coming across like a nice person.

Cryalot2 · 19/10/2019 23:31

She can't have children possibly this dog makes their pain bearable.
Quite a number of people treat their pets like that.
You can always be busy that day if you feel.
Let your dp go alone if he pleases but if you don't want to then don't.

Auba14 · 19/10/2019 23:31

There’s nothing wrong with a Dog’s Party!

My sister has a ten year old chihuahua and a year old brother and sister chihuahua and the youngest two love being around people and this sort of environment they would adore, especially the cake! You don’t know how not being able to have children has affected them, and to be honest, dogs are the one thing that will love you unconditionally if you treat them right.

I’ll go in your place OP, they sound like my kind of people! Leave them be, they’re obviously very happy and it’s a big deal to them. It’s not for everyone, I think people who don’t like dogs just don’t get it to be honest.

CloudRusting · 19/10/2019 23:32

There is no mileage in telling them this is crazy. All it will do is cause a row. Instead I would be strategically busy.

PennyGold · 19/10/2019 23:32

@Isohungy is bang on.. you don't seem very kind. If it makes them happy why would you be such a dick about it?

Celebelly · 19/10/2019 23:32

My dog would bloody love a bubble machine too. We have a small one for DD but the dog enjoys it way more. And I did get her a doggy cupcake for her birthday once or twice Grin(DDog, not DD, although she'd probably happily eat a doggy cupcake too).

Winterwoollies · 19/10/2019 23:34

You’ve said yourself they cannot have children. They have chosen to bestow their love on their dog, whom they feel has likely become a baby surrogate. This dog will have a wonderful life and they will get so much joy from him. You clearly dislike your sister in law and are coming across cruel and totally devoid of understanding as to why she may behave this way with her beloved pet. By all means don’t go, but don’t be nasty about it. You know why she feels like this and it isn’t hurting a soul.

Auba14 · 19/10/2019 23:34

As an aside, I don’t think dogs should be using bubble machines. We had one of those giant tubes of bubbles that was left here from my cousin, and I started blowing them and the puppies loved them. However they did a bit of damage to her eye with it going red and sore - must be the liquid they use for them.

They love pawing or hitting them with their nose though!

1Morewineplease · 19/10/2019 23:35

Just go and grab as much Prosecco as you can!

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom · 19/10/2019 23:36

Will the cake be human or dog food? If human, I would go.

ViciousJackdaw · 19/10/2019 23:38

No more pointless than a birthday party for a one year old human. I just don't understand why you are getting so wound up about this though. Everyone else in your family seems to be able to live and let live, why can't you?

Original poster
Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:38

The issue is that it’s bizarre to me and I don’t feel able to go along to her party and merrily pretend as though it’s perfectly normal behaviour. The party combined with the constant presence of her dog at EVERY family event, talking about the dog 24/7 plus the texts with photos and videos of him... it’s suffocating. I worry for her. Surely this can’t be a healthy way of coming to terms with infertility.

OP posts:
Pollywollydolly · 19/10/2019 23:41

Lots of people have celebrations at the drop of a hat, this is no different you could go along and enjoy it.

Infertility is just dreadful, it sucks the joy out of your life, it makes your life seem pointless and makes you feel worthless in a way that you can never understand if you have children. And it's so very difficult to come to terms with as very month your own body reminds you of your failure.

If this dog takes some of the pain away from your SIL and DB then go along and celebrate his birthday. Don't worry their craziness won't rub off on you. Of course if you can't bring yourself to be happy for them, then just do something with your own DC and maybe at some point it might dawn on you how much you have that they never will.

thisneverendingsummer · 19/10/2019 23:41

@Thinblues you are treading on VERY thin ice on here with your negative comments and connotations aimed at people who are infertile...

thisneverendingsummer · 19/10/2019 23:41

I have to say, it IS perfectly normal for someone to deeply love their pets (especially dogs and cats.)

I know several couples (and single folk) who love and adore their dogs and cats, and treat them like children. I think it's fucking adorable. So sweet. Smile

The loveliest, most amazing human beings, are the ones who passionately love animals. I don't even want to share the same air space with someone who dislikes animals, or thinks people who love their pets are stupid or daft, and worthy of being mocked.

I would do my best to ignore a person like this, and not even make eye contact, because they don't have a good soul, and are not a kind person. You can bet this type of person is mean to humans too, and especially to children.