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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
IrmaFayLear · 21/10/2019 13:48

The OP doesn't sound concerned. She sounds annoyed.

Ladywillpower · 21/10/2019 13:49

People are quite entitled to think it is bonkers (I personally love bonkers) & to not go if they don't want to. Not sure that I see the problem there?
My bernese mountain dog is 2 at the end of January (nadir of the social calendar) & would love a party. Invites could go out in the Christmas cards.
We could even use the "final straw", a stripey paper one of course no plastic here!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/10/2019 13:51

The OP doesn't sound concerned. She sounds annoyed.

I thought that, too - I got the impression that she was more pissed-off than worried.

But as I've just said in an earlier post - it isn't always easy to read the nuances of a post. (But I still think she thought her SIL was just being a PITA)

theoriginalmadambee · 21/10/2019 13:58

There isn't necessarily cause for concern. A lot of people (me included) love their pets very much and treat them as a member of the family. Perhaps SIL is like that and this is enhanced by not having dc, if it is how she copes and likes it (perhaps she would do it even if she had dc) who should be judging that?

I wouldn't hold a birthday party, but it's a party why not take all the chances you get to celebrate Smile.

theoriginalmadambee · 21/10/2019 14:01

@Ladywillpower
Can I suggest you use the 'doggy party' phrase in you invite 😁.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/10/2019 14:25

You don't worry about her. You obviously look down on her because this is the way she has chosen to cope with her infertility. Why do you think that you know best?
Do her a favour and keep away from her. She doesn't need people like you in her life.

deplorabelle · 21/10/2019 14:31

Well I once went to a birthday party for a plastic toy and it was fucking brilliant!

A friend's DD had some serious and exhausting health problems. It was a very worrying time and they could never plan ahead. One day the DD (who must have been about four or five) decided it was Bob the Builder's birthday so friend decided to hold a party for him. We got very little notice (about long enough to bake a cake and make a card) but we all descended and had a blast. It was so important for everyone's morale: the family going through it got a nice uncomplicated celebration. We got to feel like we'd done something supportive and fun just by showing up with a piece of coloured card and whatever snacks were in the cupboard. Bob had a nice birthday Smile

All it took was a bit of generosity from everyone, but it made everyone feel great.

Go to the party OP and be nice. It's more fun than policing someone else's grief

Aprillygirl · 21/10/2019 14:31

My mum's dog sends my dog postcards when they go on holiday

This is batshit bonkers!
I fucking love it! Grin

Astrabees · 21/10/2019 14:34

A dachshund party!!! I love dachshunds, despite only ever having owned one, the rest of my dogs being other breeds or none. Yes of course you should go, the dog will be far better company than most of your relations I'm sure.

missbattenburg · 21/10/2019 14:40

This is batshit bonkers!
I fucking love it!

I feel this way about Bob the Builder having a surpise birthday party. Well done @deplorabelle Grin

deplorabelle · 21/10/2019 14:53

@missbattenburg I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I think sometimes one of the things people mourn as their children get older (and it might be true for people who want children but can't have them, I don't know) is the loss of "magic" in their lives.

Seems pretty worthwhile to try to put that magic back somehow if we can

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 21/10/2019 15:03

@SunnyCoco and @Redshoesandtheblues thank you. I'm ok now after a long decade of trying to make sense of it all. One of the main reasons that I'm ok is because of the presence of my two adorable retrievers and my father's german shepherd (who I have on a timeshare basis). They gave me love, stopped me feeling so lonely when everyone else was with their families and I had no one, comforted me when I cried and made me laugh when I thought I never would. Having to get up and care for those creatures entirely dependent on me for their needs got me out of bed on the worst days.
My father's dog sat with him in the long nights after my mother died and he was trying to find his new normal and all three dogs are now my mother in law's (who has terminal cancer - but not as terminal as we thought last year) favourite companions during her recovery from a chemo course.
Why wouldn't we want to celebrate something so good and kind and loving in our lives?

But yeah, dachsund owners are insane Grin

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 21/10/2019 15:12

Many dogs who are carried around in contraptions that look like pushchairs actually have mobility problems and it is a good way of them still getting the benefits of exercise without struggling to walk. It is perfectly reasonable and normal.

There is a lot of people assuming that because people (ok, childless people because we are blatantly not normal right?) make a fuss of their dog that they are humanising it. That is complete rubbish. We make a fuss of our DOGS. We celebrate our DOG'S birthdays. We buy toys and treats to make our DOGS happy. They may well provide an outlet for a parental type of love that some of us have missing from our lives, but we are quite aware that they are DOGS.

Accusations of anthropomorphising animals are fucking ridiculous, patronising and insulting to the many, many people who, quite rightly, feel that their dog is a much loved member of the family.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 21/10/2019 15:15

Is it harming you? As in really hurting, affecting your life? Doubt it, just back off and don't say a word to her either, it won't end well. They are dealing with things in their own way as they are well within their rights to do. I'm afraid you don't get be judge. Just say you're double booked so you can't go, hope they have a nice day. The end.

Personally, a nice get together for the family with food and drink, what's not to like!

I'm suprised the tabloids haven't picked this one up yet though, they may well do and since you've been quite specific with the details, don't be surprised if your 'dressed up as concern but actually judgemental' attitude bites you in the ass IRL.

Greyhound22 · 21/10/2019 15:30

Give over with the 'I worry for her' you're sneering at her.

If you don't want to go then don't go but they're doing no harm.

There's so much cruelty in the world - so many dogs that get shut in kitchens all day it's nice to hear f one that is loved and cherished.

missbattenburg · 21/10/2019 15:32

"I wish there was a bit less love in the world and a few less excuses for a good time"

Said no one ever.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 18:27

There is a lot of people assuming that because people (ok, childless people because we are blatantly not normal right?) make a fuss of their dog that they are humanising it. That is complete rubbish. We make a fuss of our DOGS. We celebrate our DOG'S birthdays. We buy toys and treats to make our DOGS happy. They may well provide an outlet for a parental type of love that some of us have missing from our lives, but we are quite aware that they are DOGS

Well said , 15:12Leighhalfpennysthigh

LolaSmiles · 21/10/2019 18:31

Accusations of anthropomorphising animals are fucking ridiculous, patronising and insulting to the many, many people who, quite rightly, feel that their dog is a much loved member of the family.
I agree!
A dog can be very much loved and part of the family because they're the family dog.

When I choose where to go to ensure its dog friendly, or ensure that DH and I have someone at home after 3 hours, it's not because we think our dog is a child, it's because we are responsible dog owners who won't abandon our dog all day.

The dog isn't a child. They're a dog and are treated accordingly.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 18:34

And spot on Missbattenburg, if only some of us could be more like that.

I hope OP has reconsidered her approach and will go to be with family and have a good time. 🥳

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 18:39

Missed your post LolaSmiles, but again nicely explained that being a loving responsible dog owner does not equate in thinking its a child in a furry romper suit.

Redshoesandtheblues · 21/10/2019 18:44

To thinking, I should say......that'll teach me to rush when trying to wrangle the dog into his high chair for din dins......Wink

Whoops75 · 21/10/2019 18:47

If they have sent cards and gifts to your kids then I think you owe the one.

FrangipaniBlue · 21/10/2019 21:48

are bacon bubbles the new mumsnet raven?

Nitsmugandselfrighteous · 22/10/2019 09:49

Are still here Sagrada ? I thought you’d gone a few days ago when you didn’t have the intelligence and imagination to answer my questions.

Just out of interest, have you read leighhslfpenny’s post? About her personal tragedies?
What a callous, inhumane, not very bright specimen you sound.

It’s such a paradox that someone so small minded should name themselves after a cathedralConfused

Nitsmugandselfrighteous · 22/10/2019 09:52

depolrabel excellent post! That’s exactly how imagined the spirit of the party being

I hope your friends’ child was okay. X