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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

637 replies

Thinblues · 19/10/2019 23:25

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal? Hmm

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Pandaintheporridge · 20/10/2019 00:11

Let them crack on with it.

Potnoodledoo · 20/10/2019 00:11

Dont go then.But to be mean to somebody about something that brings them joy is mean.And im assuming your db is involved,its not only sil.So why single her out.

You sound mean op.

LemonPrism · 20/10/2019 00:12

Meh, we had one for my dogs 1st birthday. It was fun

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2019 00:13

Well I must be miserable too as I am with the OP.

It really isnt a healthy way to deal with infertility. She needs to accept that she will not have a baby, not treat a pet as if it was a baby. IT isnt good for her mental health, especially as has been pointed out, the dog will only live for 15 years or so.

My own sister cannot have children and has pets that she gives her love to. They help fulfil her and give her something to focus on, but at no point does she treat them as a baby substitute. She treats them as pets because thats what they are. She loves them, spoils them and takes great comfort from them, but she doesnt give them parties, update me with every poo and fart and refuse to attend any event without them.

Catsandchardonnay · 20/10/2019 00:13

YABU. Try and have a bit of empathy. Also, it’s an excuse for a get-together and it might be fun. Suck it up.

Countryescape · 20/10/2019 00:13

Yeah that’s not normal. All good she loves her pet but sending texts, bringing it everywhere and having a party?!!! Sounds like she needs counselling to come to terms with not having children in a more healthy way.

Enwi · 20/10/2019 00:13

Well you sound like the type of negativity they sure don’t need in their life!
I have birthday parties for my dog each year. I love him, and he loves it when my family come around and bring their dogs so he has a great time. I‘m not harming anyone, it’s another opportunity to get together with family.
Keep your nose out and your negative thoughts to yourself.

LemonPrism · 20/10/2019 00:13

Why are you so offended by it? Do you think that because you worked hard to raise children she isn't allowed the privilege of acting like she has a child when she doesn't?

Why are you so angry about it? She's filling a void and good for her

violetbunny · 20/10/2019 00:13

Haha, I would love to go to this!!

Crazyladee · 20/10/2019 00:14

Having a dog to most people is like having a child. I get that a doggy party seems a bit unusual, but i think it's cute! What harm can it do? If spoiling the dog and treating the dog like their child makes them happy then good for them. Life's too short to be so judgy. Why does it irritate you so much?

Original poster
Thinblues · 20/10/2019 00:14

@PyongyangKipperbang thank you, this is exactly why I’m concerned!

OP posts:
velocitygirl7 · 20/10/2019 00:15

I'm glad you're not my sil!
You don't have an ounce of compassion and sound really mean and condescending.

Infertility is heartbreaking, how lovely that your sil has found something to take away the pain.
Why don't you try being kind to her? A party is a party, sounds great to me, just crack on with it and show her your love and support for once.

Jammydogger · 20/10/2019 00:15

I don’t think you should go - you sound like you will ruin the party! Let me know the details and I’ll go instead Cake

AlexaAmbidextra · 20/10/2019 00:15

I respect your views but suppose you are just not my type of people

I don’t see that they’re doing any harm, certainly they’re not hurting you. So I’m obviously not your type of person which quite frankly, makes me very happy.

velocitygirl7 · 20/10/2019 00:16

@PyongyangKipperbang you're totally off the mark there, as is op. Dogs bring huge comfort to people coming to terms with infertility, I've seen it happen more than once.

BertieBotts · 20/10/2019 00:18

"Not to be encouraged" is a bit harsh, you are not her parent, it's not up to you to approve (or not) of her behaviour.

She has invited you to a party... if you don't fancy it then don't go, but don't not go on principle that you don't approve of the idea of the party in the first place, that's unnecessarily judgy and weird. I don't really like gender reveal parties but if a friend invited me to one I would go along to socialise and share in their celebration.

velocitygirl7 · 20/10/2019 00:18

@Thinblues You're concerned? Bullshit, you're coming across as nasty, nothing in your posts shows you having any concern!

Milliemabel · 20/10/2019 00:19

You say you worry for her, but it doesn't appear so. I had a manager that said she 'prayed' for me portraying herself as a concerned and caring person but this was one of her many tactics she used to eventually bully me out of a job I lived. So when you said you worry about her, or words to that affect, it sent me cold.
If bestowing love on her dog helps her to get through then who are you to question her coping mechanism. She isn't hurting anyone and her dog will undoubtedly have an amazing life.
I have 2 bichons and they would definitely love to wear their party outfits to go to a party with photographer, cake and bubble machine!!!
Live and let live.

Quartz2208 · 20/10/2019 00:19

But OP it isn’t your place to be the one to do that or pull her construct of reality down around her. Yes she needs therapy she doesn’t need a SIL bulldozing it down

heartsonacake · 20/10/2019 00:20

YABU.

How you feel about going to their dogs party is how everyone feels having to go to your kids parties.

Just like you don’t want to see or hear about their dog constantly, nobody wants to see or hear about your kid(s) constantly either, but it’s called give and take.

You put up with (and feign happiness if it’s not genuinely there) family members boring shit because you love them.

Tweetingmagpie · 20/10/2019 00:21

Say you can’t go if you dont want to, I’m sure you can think of an excuse.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, they can’t have kids which must be painful and they’ve found something to love and ease their pain, stop being a misery guts.

saraclara · 20/10/2019 00:21

I love dogs, have owned dogs, but find the 'dogs as children' thing really disturbing. It seems to have gathered pace over the last decade or so, and it's odd. I have friends who spend hundreds of pounds a month on dog stuff (I'm not including food) and who have huge canvas pictures of their dogs all over their living room walls (for context, when they had kids, there were no photos of them around, and it was the sort of house where you'd not have known that kids lived there)

The level of babying and anthropomorphising of that dog does bother me. But it seems to be a thing these days. Those friends aren't alone.

Good luck OP. I think you're just going to have to bite your tongue. Maybe find an excuse to leave early?

Auba14 · 20/10/2019 00:21

PyongyangKipperbang

Where does it say in any post that the OP’s DB and SIL are using their puppy as a baby substitute?

Yes maybe they got the puppy because they couldn’t have children, but my sister could if she wanted them, instead she wanted dogs. What exactly is wrong with that?

Maybe they have came to terms with the fact they cannot have children and treating their dog in this way is nothing at all to do with infertility? You just don’t know because it seems the OP is too heartless to find out. Because the OP doesn’t understand how someone can do something she couldn’t, it means it’s a bad thing. Which I’m surprised hasn’t caused the OP a lot of difficulty in life when someone has an opposing view.

The fact is, we can all treat our dogs however we like. If we want to throw them parties we will, who is anyone to tell people what is right or wrong?

Thetruth02 · 20/10/2019 00:22

Oh god you sound like a misery guts... they are having a party - it sounds fun...

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/10/2019 00:22

Velocity

Why am I way off the mark? I said myself that pets give my sister a lot of comfort. I am glad of that as it makes her life much more fulfilled than it would otherwise be.

What I also said was that treating a pet as the baby she cannot have is not a mentally healthy way of dealing with infertility, my sister would agree with me (yes I will ask her tomorrow), and I stand by that.