To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

Well, I love my dog and have no kids either, and as much as it feels like my life/schedule revolve around him sometimes, I wouldn't go this far.

However, the way you're talking about your brother & SIL is really awful. They can't have kids and it seems like they've transferred that parental love onto their dog. They're not hurting anyone. Please go and support them, or stay at home if you won't be able to manage that without making faces and sarky comments.

God id bloody love this

Is it eccentric? Yep
Are you paying for it / organising it? Nope
Will it do you any harm? nope
Does it seem to make SiL / BiL (and dog!) happy? probably.

I find some people with kids suffocating and boring and obsessive - I don't tell them because that'd be rude and unkind and ultimately unnecessary because how they live their life is absolutely fuck all to do with me.

Maybe they just camp up the 'my dog is my baby' stuff to wind you up?

who have huge canvas pictures of their dogs all over their living room walls

🙋

Well it's a beautiful black and white pencil drawing, so that's classier, right? There's also a painting of my old dog in the kitchen

There's so much pain and suffering in this world. There are so many stories of dreadful neglect of or unspeakable cruelty towards children and animals. Is it so bad that a woman who can't have children treasures her dog so much she wants to celebrate his birthday? And, so what, she's having a photographer to take some cute professional photos of him on the day... In your shoes I would stop being so miserable and judgmental and embrace your sister's love for her dog. If you feel you can't, then decline and delete pics and videos she sends if they bother you so much.
It honestly doesn't come across as you being concerned for your sister's mental heath or worried how she'll cope when the dog dies (I'm she she is aware dogs have a relatively short life span). It just feels like you're pissed off that she treats her dog like a child and you don't want to get on board with the situation. It's a shame - she sounds like a lovely, kind-hearted person who, in the end, is doing no harm.

Yabu
The dog is helping her pain
The dog is having a lovely life
Just be thankful that it’s not you suffering like this.

You are a meanie HTH.

You sound really, really mean.

clearly doing what they can to bring joy and warmth to their household and this is how they’ve chosen to do it. Yes it’s a bit much but in the big scheme of things I don’t think it’s harmful to anyone, and if it brings for comfort then surely that’s the most important thing? Just because you don’t fully understand the motivations behind someone else’s choices doesn’t mean they don’t deserve kindness.

Also OP, you say you're worried about your SIL, but nothing about your language or your tone suggests worry at all. It sounds like you just find her behaviour annoying/abnormal. Which is your right, but slightly disingenuous to pretend it's something it's not.

Ok I'm a bit embarrassed - after several cocktails on a Saturday night, I thought the title of this thread suggested something a bit racier..... . 😁😁

Climbing back into my cocktail cocoon.... 😊

Don't see the prob. Any excuse for a party don't be a dick OP.

My dogs and cats have birthday parties. Am I weird?!

I think its actually kind of moving and you sound like a boring old cow 🤷‍♀️

@PyongyangKipperbang as @Auba14 has said, where in the op does it say anything about the sil treating the dog as a substitute baby?
With time, ops sil may 'come to terms' with her infertility and possibly be less over the top with her dog but for now, any kind person would see that her dog was helping with her pain.
I have a dog, I personally wouldn't throw a party for her but I certainly wouldn't be so mean about someone who did.

@PyongyangKipperbang

It really isnt a healthy way to deal with infertility. She needs to accept that she will not have a baby, not treat a pet as if it was a baby. IT isnt good for her mental health, especially as has been pointed out, the dog will only live for 15 years or so.

Treating a pet as the baby she cannot have is not a mentally healthy way of dealing with infertility, and I stand by that.

Who made you God? Who and what gives you the right to dictate to people how they 'deal with fertility?' Or if any one way is 'healthy.'

You sound as judgemental, mean, and callous as the OP. You know fuck-all about anyone else, or their personal circumstances, or how they feel, or their reasons for how they deal with their fertility, OR their MENTAL HEALTH! So you can 'stand by what you say' til the grass is ten feet high around you; it doesn't make you right. Not even close!

And I am pretty sure the OP's brother and SIL know the dog isn't going to live much past 15-16 years. They are not going to expect it to live as long as an adult FFS! What an incredibly stupid thing to say. (And that's aimed at @Missillusioned too! )

Are you both actually serious?

Surely you cannot be that dense? You cannot seriously think that ANYone would expect a dog to live as long as a human, and be devastated when the dog dies at 'only 15 years old!!!'

I thought I'd read some weird shit on here, but this takes the biscuit!

And before you ASSUME.... No I am fortunate enough to have not struggled with infertility, and have 2 children... I know a few people who have struggled with infertility though, and fortunately they don't have people around them like a few callous posters on here. They have kind understanding people in their lives..! I can't believe some of the shit 2 or 3 posters are coming out with on here. Who the fuck do they think they are?

@velocitygirl7 the OP says:

SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

So yes, in the OP it DOES say she treats the dog like a child.

...like a baby even, with the cradling and cooing and photo sharing

I think it’s probably one of the better ways to come to terms with perhaps grieving the children she has not had? The dog’s happy, it brings her pleasure... party sounds fun to me. Bet the kids will like it too.
If she were drinking or obsessively gambling away the pain I’m sure she still feels would that be more acceptable? It could be so much worse op. Let her have this... live and let live etc.

@saraclara sounds like pretty normal behaviour to me! Most people are besotted with their new dog and rightly so.
I see nothing about nappy changes, a pram etc a bit of ott cuddling is normal and wonderful for the dog!

YWNBU to swerve the party, but I don't think any good would come of speaking to your SIL.

I am hoping that the whole post isn't real as hiring a photographer for a dog's birthday party would be so over the top that it would raise my concerns.

Hiding this thread now. A few posters are making me fucking angry.

I feel so sad for her. She must have really wanted children and this is her way of dealing with it.

I would go and go along with it completely. Poor, poor woman.

The thing that's so sad is that the dog will never grow up.in the way a child will, and will die long before she does.

for her.

So couples without children have to be sad, and respect there love can only be towards children?

Perhaps they should only be on the side lines, liking photos of other people’s children. Obviously they have contributed nothing important to the expanding population!

OP - you are right we are not same! You sound envious/jealous of her tbh.

saraclara In the OP’s OPINION, she is treating the puppy like a child. I think her actions are the same as most new dog owners to be honest. What do you think we do with new puppies? Stick them in a pen and leave them to it?! Honestly, some people on here are in a world of their own.

For the people saying that this is a bad way to deal with infertility (if that is even true), would you say this was better or worse than relying on alcohol or gambling to deal with things? Because that’s what it sounds like - you’re putting owning a dog on a level with other (worse) coping mechanisms which is absolutely staggering. What’s wrong with leaving them alone and letting them get on with life?

Or would the OP actually prefer them to have a drink problem instead as she could understand it better than being a dog owner?!