To think that a “doggy party” really is the final straw

[Thinblues]

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children and since then have become totally obsessed with him. SIL speaks about him constantly as if he’s a human, refuses to come to family meals and outings if she can’t bring him along and generally treats him like her child, cradling and cooing over him non stop and bombarding the family with texts containing photographs and videos of him.

Today DH & I receive an invitation through in the post for us and the DC to attend a “doggy party” for his second birthday next month. There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer. I thought it had to be a joke but apparently SIL is taking it very seriously and the whole family have been invited. DH says I’m being mean and we must go and play along to keep her happy but AIBU in thinking this is totally abnormal behaviour which shouldn’t be encouraged?I’ve tried to minding my own business but just about fed up with the whole family pretending her behaviour is normal and accepting having this rammed down our throats. The party feels like the final straw. AIBU to not go to the party and point out that her behaviour is not normal?

Whether or not it’s a healthy way of dealing with infertility it’s the way she is dealing with it and it isn’t hurting anybody so slap a smile on and buy the dog a nice present

We take our dog to every family event, but ours is a doggy family and everyone either has their own dog they also bring or loves dogs in general. It would be difficult to attend if we couldn't bring her as we live a fair distance away so couldn't leave DDog for that long. If someone doesn't want dogs there that's fine but does mean that we probably can't attend if it's anything further than about an hour's drive way and a couple of hours of an event. That's the decision we made when we got a dog, though! Luckily friends and family know we come as a package generally and are all dog folk

If the photos and texts are annoying, then just mute her. If she's happy, then there's no harm. She's found a channel for pouring her love and nurturing in to.

@Auba14 I give you- bacon flavoured bubbles for dogs 😂.

www.amazon.co.uk/K9-Bacon-Bubbles-Dogs-150ml/dp/B00I0TTRMK?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

You sound a bit miserable op.
I would go.

DB & SIL bought a dachshund a couple of years ago as they can’t have children

You lost me there

It sounds like fun! You sound like a misery guts. Go to the party and support them. Where’s the harm?

I would love this! So what if it's maybe a bit 'out there?' They can't have children so they love their dog. Presumably you do have children so you have no concept as to how it must feel to be them.

Lighten up a bit!

Most of us need a reason for a party so why not the dogs birthday? I think you are being a bit of a grinch.
My DD1 (20’s) is at Eric the Pugs first birthday party tonight as it happens and I’ve just had a photo of the birthday boy and his cake.

People who don't have much tend to get hung up on a particular thing though. And you know why it is that they have got a dog and are treating it like their baby. It does seem OTT to me to do this, but to them, it's filling a void - or trying to. Imagine for them that they will never be able to celebrate their child's birthday as they clearly desperately wish to do.

It's up to you whether you indulge them or not. But please be kind and spare them your sentiments, they don't need your judgement on top of the anguish they are certainly still feeling.

Caledoniahasmyheartforever

Our three chihuahuas will love you forever

But not the OP who doesn’t understand how dogs can be so precious in someone’s life.

Please don’t go, your cats bums mouth will put everyone off their food. You sound a deeply unpleasant person OP you should be happy that your SIL has found happiness through what must have been a dreadful time for her, but no you want to piss all over that too, your dislike of her is evident and give over with the faux concern about worrying for her, you clearly don’t.

Ahh my dc’s would love to be invited to a doggy party. Just go and have fun and take a bottle of pawsecco for the dog

I'm not sure it's a very good idea to use a dog as a focus when you can't have a baby. Dogs have a maximum life span of about 15 years. She is setting herself up for major trauma when it dies.

But there's nothing you can do about it. If you can't bear to attend, make an excuse and don't go.

Do you have children?
There is no normal way of dealing with infertility you deal with it in a way that enables you to cope. Hers is having a dog. This is a fairly common way of dealing with it. A friend has secondary infertility they have a dog they see as a brother.

So given the circumstances it is a normal coping mechanism

There is going to be food, a doggy cake, presents, party hats, a bubble machine and even a photographer

Oh come on people. A photographer? This is not healthy behaviour.

I have every sympathy for someone unable to have children, but most couples in that situation don't book photographers for their dog's birthday party and demand attendance from every family member.

I think you have to go though, OP. If she's that crazy, the repercussions for you could be far worse than the event is worth. You're not going to be the only person feeling this way so I imagine you'll find like minded members of the family there, and you can quietly sit in a corner and roll your eyes.

I had a baby via a surrogate 20 years ago. If I had known how much you could love a dog I wouldn’t have been so desperate

@Missillusioned my thoughts exactly.

Me and dp would definitely go to a family party like this, we would discuss it for hours afterwards 🤣

Surely this can’t be a healthy way of coming to terms with infertility

What would you rather she did? Spent the rest of her life crying over the child she could not have? Live in misery with an unfilled void? Avoid children and pregnant women forever more?

Look, women are allowed to overcome infertility in any (legal and moral) manner they choose. Is the dog hurting anybody? No, he isn't is he? In fact, he is healing. What a lucky boy to be loved so much - plenty of dogs never get to know what this is like.

I can't help but think there is more to this. If you have DC yourself, do you feel the dog is diverting attention from them in some way?

Not many posts tug at my infertile heartstrings, but this did... I want to hug your sister in law and bring her puppy a giant steak. It is so sweet, and heartbreaking, and lovely she is doing this.
You have no clue what infertility is like. No clue. How dare you judge her so harshly.

Auba14 you can get special bubbles for dogs that cause them no harm, come in lots of flavours as well!

This is her way of putting joy back into tiger life and given her something to care for and love. You are being absolutely horrible about it.

I think I may be a put out if she would leave the dog ever to attend events but otherwise it doesn't hurt or affect you. If this makes her happy when dealing with her infertility then why would you not want that for her.

It sounds like fun. Animals are wonderful.

So many threads on here getting upset about guests not falling over themselves to attend a 1 year olds party. I see the dogs party to be on a similar level. But... I would be more keen on the dogs birthday.

I think a dog’s party sounds fun

Just go and enjoy!! I have three children and 1 dog and our other dog died five weeks ago and am still heartbroken 😔. Doggies are an integral part of our being.!