To not want to pay this much towards sil bday?

[thatsmyumbrella]

It's SIL birthday start of dec her bf is organising a surprise birthday gathering and has decided to go to a bowling type place. He told us about it in advance before paying a deposit. He thought it would be a good activity because our two DCs could also be involved. Will only be in-laws my Dh our dcs and sil and bf. They live 5 hours away so we will be staying over in a hotel. He has messaged today asking for us to transfer money to pay for the activity asking for £30pp totalling £120 and has asked that we also chip in for sil. I have phoned him to say that I am happy to pay for me and dh but I didn't realise I would also have to pay this for the Dcs as they are 2 and 4 and won't be able to do much. He's now really annoyed and said he can't get the deposit back and we had know the cost pp prior to booking. I had checked the package and it specified for over 18s so had assumed that it was not the same price for the kids- would I be unreasonable to not pay this? Mil thinks I should just pay it

Why isn't he paying for his girlfriend.

Cheeky f.

This reminds me of when I was out for a meal with friends and her new boyfriend. I had literally met him that day. One of her other friends said ," and of course we will all pay for Andy's dinner, as it is his birthday". We all glared at her. She paid for it herself

I bet he's a super competitive bowler too

That is very expensive bowling. I 6 pounds for bowling and pizza.

What city is that in?

Agree Gin

I bet he's got his own bowling shoes and one of those bowling shirts like Kingpin

#angel84
It's £30 per adult, not £16.

No. Just no. It’s bowling, 5 hrs travel with young kids and just an average birthday. For bowling? Send her a nice bunch of flowers. You do not have to do what other people tell you to do.

It sounds like he's chancing his arm and trying to fleece you

This, but then none of that sounds fun to me.

@Idontwanttotalk sorry thst was a typo.

I meant to say, " I paid six pounds for bowling and a slice of pizza"

This has to be one of those places aimed at adults.

I’ve been to a very well known one in Newcastle which has table tennis, pool, bowling and miniature golf, but the overriding theme is that it’s a bar for people to start off their afternoon/evening before going out - or indeed it being part of their night out.
Firstly if it is a place like this I would never take a two and four year old there, it’s not the right environment with people drinking. Then the £30, ours was about £15 each for one game of bowling - and we all had a meal separate so the price does add up. It’s the venue you’re paying the money for, not the bowling.

Also, I looked into the new crazy golf place in Newcastle for a team night out, and they did packages for £20 with a round of golf (£10) plus an alcoholic drink and loaded fries, or one for £30 with two drinks, a meal and golf.

So yeah, I think in regards to the kids he hasn’t looked at it properly and tbh I wouldn’t want to take them somewhere like that anyway. And the adults, he’s got the price right I think - I just don’t think he’s thought it through at all and is just trying to impress.

I'm not sure what we'll do now but I'm 100% sure we won't be paying.
They met on her birthday last year which is just before Christmas we were then asked told if they could come to ours for Christmas with pil (sil had said she wasn't coming prior to this) They'd only been together a matter of weeks. This year we've decided to spend Christmas just us (dh and dcs) haven't mentioned yet to anyone who probably assume we will host again which is why we had agreed to make the trip for her birthday as we probably won't see them over Christmas.

Hope it works out, sounds very expensive.

If he wants her treat for her birthday, why doesn’t HE treat her?

Apart from the fact that £30 is way to much for bowling & pizza per spilt and it’s insane for 2 &4 year olds, you don’t just barge into a family & tell them how to do family birthdays.

I would bow out tbh. Five hours travel, two small children... I would put the money towards a nice break for yourselves instead.

He's using your tots to pay for himself and sil, and then h can pocket the £40 from you and his parents to buy sil a present from him.

I wouldn't be going, even if it were half the price and they were paying for everyone. Why on earth would you travel 5 hours with a couple of tots for what is a newish relationship which isn't even a special birthday?

Send your dh alone for his brother's girlfriend's party if he really wants to, but stay at home and have pizza and ice cream and film fest on the sofa with the babes.

Thats expensive. I've recently taken five teens for two games of bowling, full meal each and two or three soft drinks, plus soft drinks and a couple of beers for DP. Cost me less than £80.

He's taking the piss if he expects £30 a head for two yound children. If there is a minimum number for bookinv he should have spoken to everyone beforehand and possibly split the cost of the extra two between the adults.

I wonder if your sil is imaging a birthday surprise. All dressed up for a romantic meal for two. Then is told we are going bowling

Send him a tenner if he is that desperate and tell him to cancel.This puts the daft sod back at square one and advise he books girlfriend and him a romantic night away in a hotel!!! What a plank he is...He hasnt thought this trough has he OP? Sure his gf would love to be treated to a spa break instead of bowling.....madness idea from him and very grabby.Say no!

I think I'd just tell him that it all sounds a bit complicated and you will buy your own tickets on the day. I'm pretty sure it will be a hell of a lot cheaper.

There's no way you should be paying towards 'his surprise gift' for his girlfriend. That's down to him.

And I know a lot of people like bowling but if my new boyfriend surprised me with a bowling party for my birthday/first anniversary of our meeting - I would not be best pleased.

It's OP's husband's sister, and her boyfriend, people!

OP, there's no way I would subject a 2 and a 4 year old to a 5 hour drive, just for someone's birthday, even if you aren't seeing them for Christmas.

DH can go if he wants to see his sister and parents.

Can you suggest you'll ring and pay your share directly (sounds like only the deposit has been paid already) and double check what has actually been booked (just to ensure he's not trying to swindle anyone as some other posts have suggested! )

On the other hand, I actually think he sounds like a kind of nice guy! He's planning a nice surprise for her, he's involving all her family, he's been considerate to you and your little ones so you can all be involved, he's just not properly thought through the cost implications to you. Maybe cut him some slack and be glad your SIL has found someone thoughtful enough to do that for her and her family. Splitting the cost for her though is a little cheeky!

I think he's made a mistake when he booked and listed all the DC as adult guests? No venue would charge £30 for a toddler.

Ha ha ha £10 deposit and he's bleating, sounds like a proper catch!

This ^

It sounds like hell with a 4 and 2yo. Go for the cheapest option!

This year we've decided to spend Christmas just us (dh and dcs) haven't mentioned yet to anyone who probably assume we will host again which is why we had agreed to make the trip for her birthday as we probably won't see them over Christmas.

I would mention that now in discussion. I would say that ‘we wouldn’t normally bring two small children a 5 hour drive for an adult activity, but as we won’t see you over Christmas this year, we would really like to.’

So he’s going all out by getting everyone else to pay for her? No.. for a number of reasons.

£120 for 2 adults to bowl is ridiculous (your kids won’t be bowling!)
If he wants to treat his gf to a birthday party, he pays for her.
If he wants to organise a birthday party for her he irons out all the small details before asking everyone for ridiculous amounts of money.

Don’t go. Don’t pay. Don’t refund his deposit. Let it be an “expensive” (£10 ) lesson for him.

Idiot.

He's sort of tried hasn't he OP?
Organised a birthday etc got everyone involved etc kid friendly etc
BUT HE's DONE IT ALL WRONG!! Dear God.

Just going bowling with 2 & 4 year old will be murder. It's not toddler friendly at all. And the numpty thought it was fine to pay £30 a head for them?! And then you all chip in for hers? How old is he? He sounds very young.

You're only doing it because of the guilt over not having Christmas with them.

Can't you cry off and send her a massive present as an apology ( still not as expensive as the whole hotel etc etc etc ) ?