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Original poster

To not want to pay this much towards sil bday?

182 replies

thatsmyumbrella · 19/10/2019 18:58

It's SIL birthday start of dec her bf is organising a surprise birthday gathering and has decided to go to a bowling type place. He told us about it in advance before paying a deposit. He thought it would be a good activity because our two DCs could also be involved. Will only be in-laws my Dh our dcs and sil and bf. They live 5 hours away so we will be staying over in a hotel. He has messaged today asking for us to transfer money to pay for the activity asking for £30pp totalling £120 and has asked that we also chip in for sil. I have phoned him to say that I am happy to pay for me and dh but I didn't realise I would also have to pay this for the Dcs as they are 2 and 4 and won't be able to do much. He's now really annoyed and said he can't get the deposit back and we had know the cost pp prior to booking. I had checked the package and it specified for over 18s so had assumed that it was not the same price for the kids- would I be unreasonable to not pay this? Mil thinks I should just pay it

OP posts:
rededucator · 19/10/2019 20:20

Isn't it typical that this is the OPs SIL (not sister), do it's her husband sister and it's the boyfriend that's made the mistake and yet it's the wife that ends up having to fix the mess? We're even suggesting she calls the bowling alley to sort it out? I even said to myself, "I'd be bypassing this clown by calling up and speaking to the alley directly..." Angry

Lunde · 19/10/2019 20:22

Can you call the bowling alley and find out whether they can rectify this? Not to mention whether they will even let you in if it's an over 18s package?

Original poster
thatsmyumbrella · 19/10/2019 20:22

So he's now replied saying- he phoned and it's fine the kids can bowl for the cost of the deposit (£10) and we just have the pay the £30pp (plus obviously give him the £10 for the kids and sil contribution) I am starting to wonder though because the only package I can see for £30pp is minimum 8 people the rest are £20 and under and have no minimum numbers

OP posts:
Babysharkisanearworm · 19/10/2019 20:22

Take the.package cost for eight, divide by 5 and then it should be that amount each.
That is ridiculous charging adult price for two under 5s!

Lunafortheloveogod · 19/10/2019 20:24

If you’re still happy to go call the place directly n ask them to confirm it all and then pay to them not him. They’ve no need to lie to you about costs... but he seems bloody dodgy, I wonder if he knew kids wouldn’t be charged so figured the £10 donation would cover kids and you’d pay the two extra adult spots between them.. and if pil flung a tenner in he’d have money for a pint left over.

cheesydoesit · 19/10/2019 20:27

It sounds like he's chancing his arm and trying to fleece you. I think you are right to be wary of forking out then being refused entry with two children.

cheesydoesit · 19/10/2019 20:29

Also, it's fucking cheeky that he expects to split the cost for SIL instead of paying for it himself. Tell him you have already got her a gift.

JemSynergy · 19/10/2019 20:29

Sounds a lot of faff for a game of bowling.

diddl · 19/10/2019 20:29

5hrs travel & a hotel stay for bowling for a bday-err no!

OoohRhubarbLetsGo · 19/10/2019 20:29

You could tell him you’ll pay the bowling alley direct when you get there, and you’ll chip in for SIL as long as they all chip in for the hotel.

OctoberLovers · 19/10/2019 20:34

If you go, your crazy.

5 hours travel for a wedding or Christmas, yes.

5 hours to go bowling... No way! Your mad!

5

monkeymonkey2010 · 19/10/2019 20:34

i'd only pay for my own family - and buy SIL a drink/chip in for her food once there.
I bet the extra he's trying to wangle out of you is going to go towards their own alcoholic celebrations later....

Deadringer · 19/10/2019 20:39

So you are driving for 5 hours and staying in a hotel so you can play bowling with your sister for her birthday. Bonkers!

timshelthechoice · 19/10/2019 20:43

Why isn't he paying for SIL?

BEcause he's a CF.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 19/10/2019 20:43

If I was paying for a hotel and petrol then no way would I be chipping in for SIL. He's her bf and he should be paying for her. What a tightwad!

I too would be calling the venue to find out what's included in your booking and how much it is.

Deadringer · 19/10/2019 20:45

So he is throwing his girlfriend a rather odd party but he is not paying for anything.

PrettyPurse · 19/10/2019 20:48

@thatsmyumbrella what do you get for the £20 option?

mylifenow27 · 19/10/2019 20:50

Sounds like he's turned this into a way to pay for his bowling and her present 😂

Lovewinemorethanhusband · 19/10/2019 20:51

There's no way I'd be paying for a 2+4 year old £30 each to bowl, we went with the kids in the holidays and 2 adults and 2 children including a basket meal was £22! The kids loved it as something different to do but they are 4+6! As well as Paying to stay over somewhere that's an awful lots of money, I refused to go out for my sil's birthday this year as she's a grade A twat and didn't get either of my older children a birthday card or us a card when her new neice was born 7 weeks before her birthday so I point blank refused didn't even wish her a happy birthday

Ponoka7 · 19/10/2019 20:56

Phone the venue, i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that you'd paid for him and SIL.

You're all going to a lot of effort to make him look good.

I can understand you going, for your SIL and as a family get-together etc, but he should be appreciative of that and so should PIL.

SandyY2K · 19/10/2019 20:57

Shame on him that he can't pay for his GF, when he's organising it. It's ridiculous. If I found my DH was asking my family to chip in for me ...I'd be ashamed and absolutely furious with him.

Is food included with the bowling? I really wouldn't be impressed to pay that much for the kids.

Perunatop · 19/10/2019 21:00

Don't pay anything at all until he agrees that you are just paying for you and DH.

Original poster
thatsmyumbrella · 19/10/2019 21:01

@PrettyPurse with the more expensive option it seems like you get a private area but with the £20 option you are sharing a lane which is fine by me. I'll end up running about after the kids who will be bored after 5 minutes anyway!

From these replies and thinking about it more he's definitely being a cf I don't even want to go now

OP posts:
Wonkybanana · 19/10/2019 21:02

He's planning on looking the big guy, at everyone else's expense. Let's face it, all he's had to do to 'arrange' it is make a phone call and pay £10. Whether he's stupid or a CF we don't know. But on whose planet is bowling appropriate for a 2 and 4 year old, whatever he might say about 'thinking about the children'?

Op give him the tenner for his deposit. Tell your DH that you and the DCs aren't going. Let your DH tell him or not, let your DH go or not. Yes you're going to be the baddie, but you won't be £120 (plus hotel etc) down.

Even if you all went, I bet you'd be the one who never got to play because you'd be looking after the children (and trying to keep them out of the way of very heavy bowling balls).

FrogFairy · 19/10/2019 21:03

Have your dcs been bowling before and enjoyed it?

Just asking as at their age my own ds would have been bored witless after a few minutes and hard work to keep happy while the adults carried on playing.

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