To not want to pay this much towards sil bday?

[thatsmyumbrella]

It's SIL birthday start of dec her bf is organising a surprise birthday gathering and has decided to go to a bowling type place. He told us about it in advance before paying a deposit. He thought it would be a good activity because our two DCs could also be involved. Will only be in-laws my Dh our dcs and sil and bf. They live 5 hours away so we will be staying over in a hotel. He has messaged today asking for us to transfer money to pay for the activity asking for £30pp totalling £120 and has asked that we also chip in for sil. I have phoned him to say that I am happy to pay for me and dh but I didn't realise I would also have to pay this for the Dcs as they are 2 and 4 and won't be able to do much. He's now really annoyed and said he can't get the deposit back and we had know the cost pp prior to booking. I had checked the package and it specified for over 18s so had assumed that it was not the same price for the kids- would I be unreasonable to not pay this? Mil thinks I should just pay it

Not on charging same amount for the LO's. You agreed in good faith that he wouldnt be ridiculous with the overall expense, at the very least he should have run the final costs by everyone before confirming. This is his bad not yours.

What does the whole package include?

Seriously, bowling with in-laws and pre-schoolers doesn't sound like fun to me, but I'm just not keen on bowling anyway - maybe your SIL loves it? There is no way it's worth all that money though. I absolutely would not pay it.

It’s simple, tell him the kids cost £4 each and he needs to get two more people to make up the numbers as the kids don’t count.

End of.

Of course MIL thinks you should pay. NFW. £30 for each toddler and more on top for SIL. Nah, pay for the adults, that's it. But lesson learned, these things are always a swizz.

Not a big birthday but it's a newish relationship so I think he's going all out.

He's not going all out of he is expecting everyone else to pay. At the price I seriously expect him to be taking the piss.

£240 for bowling is ridiculous, I'd enquire how much of a deposit he paid and see if it can be used to cover the cost of the lane. I'd book a table elsewhere for dinner and a drink before or after the bowling.

When we go bowling we have to pay for kids if they want to have a turn. They get a special guide and gutters come up.. you could ask for them to share your turn, but my 2 yo would not be happy about that.

By going all out I mean more getting the whole family together we all live in different parts of the country and wouldn't ordinarily celebrate birthdays together.

I thought it was a bit asking for everyone to chip in for her to play as well but no one else seems bothered. Pil are notoriously tight so they must like him

He has no right to be annoyed. It's totally unreasonable of him to expect you to pay £60 for two small kids for a package directed at adults. The onus was on him to clarify matters with you from the start. I would tell him that I would pay the £60 + £8 for the kids. (Or, if he stopped behaving like an idiot, I might agree to pay one third of the full package price (i.e. for two of the six adults)). I would also point to him that I will have hotel costs that he won't. He's a CF.

Have you changed the activity to less identifying? £30 for a game of bowling, a pizza and alcoholic drink??? Plus bowling has up to 6 in a team, 8 is an odd number.

Stick to your guns. That's taking the piss.

Hang on - he's not got kids and he's tried to think of something to do to include yours and they are travelling to you so you don't have to travel.
Yes i agree theyve got it wrong but I think you are slapping their well meaning intentions back in their face. You looked it up but didn't think to advise that your kids wouldn't actually be able to play or eat all the food. I know it's obvious when you have kids but it isn't when you don't.
For the sake of family harmony I'd just pay. (and wince) And say thank you for the thought they've put in. But be more careful in future

He needs to invite the correct number of people if he wants to book a package for 8 adults. 2 preschool dc don't count.

He's a cf not a great bf. Especially if he can't even pay for her.

I'm surprised that he's not paying for her seeing as he's a new bf who's trying to impress her.

Playing Devil's Advocate- he has no clue what a 2 and 4 year old would be like at a bowling alley. I'd tell him to invite 2 of her friends instead.

What the actual fuck???

Naaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh mate

Wow £30 for bowling, pizza and a drink. Even for an adult that expensive. For 2 pre-schoolers that a) cant really bowl, and b) wont be drinking the alcoholic drink is silly.

Stick to your guns OP.

Ridiculous. Only pay for you and DH. But that will mean you will pay more. He should not have booked before checking.

He’s hoping you will be prepared to count your kids as the two people required to make your party up to the minimum eight people. Unreasonable as they are small. The bill should be split more fairly.

You wouldn’t mind paying say a tenner towards the total children. The rest should be split between the adults.

So all adults are £38.50 each. £77 per couple. Kids a fiver each. Your contribution £82 total. How does that sound? Do my sums add up to the total? 6 x £38.50 plus £10 = £240. Plus whatever for the gift.

We are having to travel to them- I've not changed the activity it's bowling although it seems to be pitched at a more sophisticated bowling experience and children are not permitted past 5pm. I appreciate he was trying to do something to include the kids. I think asking if there are any of her friends that could come and make up the numbers is a good idea

Any idiot knows a 2yo cant bowl. A big 4yo with a special ball and bumpers... Maybe. Even now I wouldn't take my nearly 6yo.

Dont pay

Who the hell wants to go bowling for their birthday under the age of 12?

You are not being unreasonable.
It’s ridiculous.

@Elieza if he can't find anyone else that might be more reasonable. Although he does want us all the chip in for her as well

Pay all that just before xmas.....NO!

Travelling 5 hours with little ones to go bowling and stay in a hotel

Not even a big birthday etc

Nah

Sorry to go all MN cliché on you OP, but as I'm assuming SIL means your DH's sister, where is he in these negotiations? Sitting in a corner hoping you'll sort it out for him?

So cost breakdown for people who actually get to bowl:

OP + DH £120 + £10 (SIL share) + hotel and travel
PIL £60 + £10 (SIL share)
New BF £30 + £10 (SIL share)
SIL - free

I can see why he likes this plan tbh. I will organise all my parties like this in future.
I guess you can let the DCs enjoy the £30 each pizza and water you'll get included?