To think some posters will always say the school / teacher is not being unreasonable

[andineverwill]

It really does feel you can’t criticise schools / teachers on here.

The intentions do matter when you are judging the teacher and calling her a bully.

You don't even know the full facts of the forest school story.

Again, please show me where I called anyone a bully

Apologies, I confused you with another poster. You haven’t said that. That was my fault.

But even so, it isn’t reasonable to say your DS is the only thing that matters. He isn’t. The teacher’s legal duties matter (all of them, not just the duty to make adjustments in the case of SEN). Safeguarding matters. The other children matter. The teacher’s working time matters.

I didn't say only my DS3 matters either. I said it doesn't matter whether there were good intentions behind the actions, the bottom line for him is that he can't trust his teacher. He doesn't have the skills to understand that Miss meant well.

And again the day after FS when he was out of control and couldn't calm him (as per phonecall from Asst Head) we said to exclude him. How is that expecting him to be more important than everyone else?

I'm a teacher...sitting doing my marking....and I feel really cheered by you lot saying positive things!!! And yes almost every teacher thinks kids are great...they couldn't bear the job a day if they didn't. Nothing makes me happier than a kid getting their grade. Even if they've flounced, stropped and yelled through KS4. The thing that mainly makes me sad is judgemental parents who blame us when we put pressure on their youngsters to help them become independent learners. Which involves facing consequences for poor effort.

I didn't say only my DS3 matters either. I said it doesn't matter whether there were good intentions behind the actions, the bottom line for him is that he can't trust his teacher. He doesn't have the skills to understand that Miss meant well.

It DOES matter. If the teacher is doing what she believes to be best - and perhaps what is best - you need to challenge your DS’ beliefs, or this isn’t going to get any better.

Of course I challenge his beliefs! But he's 6 and Autistic. And Yr1 was really really bad so it doesn't take much to set back progress.

You need to communicate with the teacher, understand what she believes is and isn’t going to work - and yes, obviously she might be right or wrong - and you need to show your DS that trust exists between the adults. Forgive me for saying that I am far from certain that this has been the case to date, and I can’t say I don’t think it will be affecting your DS’ perception of the teacher and other adults around him.

New school?

you need to challenge your DS’ beliefs, or this isn’t going to get any better.

Sometimes you can sometimes you can't. Even when you can,it doesn't happen overnight or simply by explaining something.

To the kid, the teacher lied and her good intentions don't matter, because lying is wrong and he didn't trust her to begin with. In his eyes lying just reinforced that.

PP can talk about good intentions until she's blue in the face, the most likely outcomes will be it either goes over his head or he starts to lose trust in mum as well.

Don't forget he's only 6, few kids have the emotional intelligence to differentiate between lying is wrong and she had good intentions,poorly executed. Especially given the fact that he has ASD,trust issues and rigid thinking.

You can rationalise it as an adult and a teacher, he won't be able to.

Sometimes you can sometimes you can't. Even when you can,it doesn't happen overnight or simply by explaining something.

Of course not. That doesn’t matter. What matters is whether or not the teacher has good reason for her decisions. At that point, that has to be the message to the child. Trust is important, but it isn’t more important than everything else.

Trust is important, but it isn’t more important than everything else.

Again,depends on the child and the circumstances.

Tbh, the best person to explain and try to fix this would be the teacher herself. Apologise,explain her reasoning,open a line of communication with the child.

In order for her to do that though, PP does need to meet with her,clarify what happened and why and explain her child's view.

I can't even remember how many times I apologise to various children in a week and explain why I was wrong. It really helps my relationship with them.

Tbh, the best person to explain and try to fix this would be the teacher herself. Apologise,explain her reasoning,open a line of communication with the child.

Absolutely, if it transpires that she has done something she shouldn’t have done.

In the child's eyes she did,she said they were going for a walk when in fact she was trying to take him to FS,so she lied. With good intentions (or because of instruction from above) she still did. That's what would need explaining and apologising , the manner in which it was done not that she tried to do it.

I mean I would, but then again I'm a TA not a teacher so what do I know?

I can’t agree with that. I apologise when I have done something wrong. When I haven’t, I explain. The teacher needs to be careful not to put herself into a situation where she perpetually apologising for good decisions. It’s not helpful.

I can’t agree with that. I apologise when I have done something wrong. When I haven’t, I explain
The teacher needs to be careful not to put herself into a situation where she perpetually apologising for good decisions. It’s not helpful.
I agree.
If I've made a mistake then I apologise, we discuss and move on.
If I've not made a mistake then I'm not apologising. There's still a discussion but I'm categorically not apologising.

Seaweedandmarchingbands, there's little opportunity to see the teacher, in fact for the last week he's not been coming out the normal way and he's been elsewhere with the TA. I'm sure I don't have to explain that he's one of many in the class and other parents need to speak to her at pick up too. I also have a reception age child.

Not possible to move school without moving area and we just can't afford that right now. And there's DS2 to consider too, as we'd have to change his secondary which he'd be v upset about.

I want to try and secure an EOTAS package as I think ultimately the environment just isn't right for DS3. But unfortunately the system is such he'll have to fail in school with an EHCP first.

He doesn't really talk to anyone at school so discussions are moot and mute. I'm curious if a good decision results in a 6 year old child bolting and being chased by 7 adults, what does a bad decision look like?

DS2's school has posted a reminder on Facebook about the application deadline. They've put "would of" instead of "would have"

I'm curious if a good decision results in a 6 year old child bolting and being chased by 7 adults, what does a bad decision look like?

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. We can make good decisions that have unexpected and unintended consequences. I wouldn't apologise unless my intentions were not correct. I'd explain to parents why I acted as I did, however I wouldn't apologise for my actions. The teacher wasn't to know he would bolt from forest school, he may have walked past and back to the classroom.

I will apologise for thinking you called the teacher a bully, I must have read the same post as a PP.

seaweed and Lola

That's absolutely fine, we are all different and manage things differently. You will know better what works with the children you work with,in your school ,in your circumstances.

I'd do it but that's my way and what I found works quite well. It will also depend in the circumstances. I didn't apologise to "Jane" (several hours ago post) no matter how much she thought/insisted that I was rude to her.

There must be something wrong with my comprehension as I still don't understand how it could be classified as a good decision. I can understand the decision wasn't badly intended, but the outcome was bad. Even setting aside the distress to DS3 and the trust issues, It took up more school resources than had he been left with the TA. He also threw things around the SEN room when he was trapped.

I don't think the teacher apologising would make any difference to DS3 and it's not something I'd expect.

DobbinsVeil

I'm satisfied with what the HT and SENCo have said about it.

Two people who are just as likely to want to protect themselves from parents.

It would be interesting to know what the teacher says mainly because she may have not been informed of the decision to not take your DS to forest school, and has been told that all children must go.

As with the chocolate milk, it could be that she has been told that he needs to go but not any other details.

she said they were going for a walk when in fact she was trying to take him to FS
Do we know this? He decided that was what she was doing and ran, but I don’t see anywhere anything saying that is what happened. She could have been trying to get him outside for fresh air since he was missing FS. He just thought that was what was happening. You say it’s an area they only go to for FS, but is that because it is the ‘wold’ area of the grounds so best for a walk too?
We don’t know. Best to find out, I think.

@DobbinsVeil

Whatever the circumstances, you have encountered posters who will continue to blame you and your child. I wouldn't bother to engage.

Which proves the OP's point.

There are a handful of posters who refuse to acknowledge that sometimes a teacher is wrong.

I can’t remember which poster it was, and I can’t find it now, but early in the thread someone suggested that a large number of teachers were only in it because they’d done a useless degree. This is bonkers. You would need a degree in an academic subject to be a secondary teacher, so that’s complete bollocks.