To think some posters will always say the school / teacher is not being unreasonable

[andineverwill]

It really does feel you can’t criticise schools / teachers on here.

Yes it is hard. Just like surgery is hard for surgeons. IT IS THE MAIN PART OF YOUR JOB. YOU ARE TEACHING KIDS SO IT HAS TO BE IN A FORM THEY CAN ABSORB.

OMG. Seriously.

Oh Mr Pilot, is the hard bit of your job flying the plane?

ChilledBee I can guarantee that you would also have made mistakes in the classroom (as have surgeons and pilots because we are all human) and done something that you thought was the correct course of action but someone else (like a parent) didn’t. Stop being so hypocritical and rude. You can get your point across without attacking posters or shouting. It might even be more effective. You are taking out your anger on the wrong people and quite frankly, as SLT, you should have done more to manage your staff.

Dobbins-The reason you need to take your situation up with the Head and not the teacher is because it is not the teacher’s fault that there was no other adult in the room to escort your DS. They are not in charge of staffing or budgets. The fact that you say it is written in his plan that an adult must accompany your DS at all times, is down to the Head to ensure. You conflate the issue when you say that you want the school to tell you they cannot accommodate something but at the same time, lay the blame solely on the classroom teacher (even though office staff also made a mistake). All seaweed et al are trying to say is that yes, your complaint is valid but it ultimately should be directed with the Headteacher in this case.

Overall, children are not a one size fits all, every school is different, every situation is different. For those posters who admit to always being on the side of the parent or child, at least extend the same courtesy to posters who will obviously provide an alternative experienced viewpoint for the OP to consider.

@rainingallday , that is really accurate, in my opinion. 85% good or great, the rest not so. The very, very occasional teacher is an absolute arse. I also tend towards support over criticism.

I've had experience of a fair few schools over the years, and have found that there is mostly a way to resolve any issues which might crop up. Starting with a respectful chat with the teacher him or herself.

I try my best with any provision DD needs to make sure that it's as unintrusive and teacher time-minimal as possible. I've resourced the equipment she needs myself and provided it to the school as budgets are so tight - but last year we had a teacher who simply wouldn't let her get her writing slope out onto the table level of pettiness. Required no work from her whatsoever and made a heck of a difference to DD's needs.

That's one of the reasons the Head was so annoyed when it was brought to her, as she went through DD's provision map and her comment was "you really are asking for absolutely nothing here - it needs to be done" I'm from a teaching background myself - I KNOW what tends to be easy to implement in schools and what's more of a hassle for the staff!

I'm bricking it at the moment as DD now has a medium-term visual impairment to deal with and I've no idea how she's going to cope with normal size printed text... I'm spending half term trying to work out a way that we can get her to use her iPad independently to magnify anything she needs to read precisely so the class teacher DOESN'T have to spend hours faffing on photocopying things to enlarge them for her. Like I say - I'm about as pro-school a SEN parent as you'll ever get - I tend to go to the school with solutions I've found that work and can happen without placing a stress on the staff - and I'm happy to resource things myself if needed - to the point I'll go into school on any day I'm free to do some of the tedious time filling stuff that eat staff time up if possible (gluing work into books, cutting out and laminating etc)... but our teacher last year just really only wanted to have to deal with the lovely obliging easily high achievers and would have hidden the SEN kids in a cupboard for the year if she could have got away with it (ironically if you work around her difficulties - DD is a very very intelligent able little kid).

Kuponut

How bizarre. What reason did the teacher give?

What I do think people need to remember is that you are responsible just for your own kids(however many you have). You have to prioritise just their needs. You have to make adjustments just for them.

Teachers have 20 at least ,but more often 30+.

In a previous class we had children with ADHD, ASD, GDD, medical needs ,attachment disorder and trauma(adopted), SS involvement and eventually removal, dyslexia and one where they still can't figure out if the issue is a learning disability or mental health related.
7 children in a class of 28, with various needs, behaviours that set others off, adjustments, 1to1 mini input and going through word bank etc. Plus the other kids that struggled through illness,bereavement,separation,poverty,chaotic home lives etc. And then the others.

Just me and a class teacher and teaching had to happen,all work had to be done, I need to be in class at x time for y task, presentation had to improve bla bla bla.

Who do we prioritise? Who comes first? How do we split ourselves?

Sometimes balls dropped ,sometimes we fucked up (wrong judgement call, forgot something etc) and sometimes I went home and cried because I felt like an utter failure. I didn't do my job you see, x cried,y got hurt, z bolted , a had a meltdown, SLT pulled us up on whatever and in all the running around I felt like no teaching had happened and somehow even as a TA I ended up with books home to mark.

In all jobs you'll find people that are great,people that are shit and some in the middle. I just wish parents considered first if we fucked up because we don't care,are lazy and just can't be arsed ,are sarcastic vindictive bastards or maybe,just maybe we simply did a mistake, because we're stretched so thin and trying to be and do as much as we can for your children.

@Lyingonthesofainthedark

Thank you.

I can't have been clear, I did take it up with SENCo and Head. I've only mentioned it to the teacher once, it was relevant to the discussion we were having (at her instigation).

I haven't gone anywhere with blazing guns, marched, screamed or rang 101 to log it. I politely enquired by email if somone could clarify what happened, SENCo e-mailed back. I wasn't happy with her response, Head then emailed, apologizing and taking full responsibility as she was in a meeting.

HT Suggested we had a meeting, I said no point in keeping taking up time, do what they think and just to contact me if there's a problem. Which is pretty much daily.

I still think the teacher was wrong, both in the decision to send with a classmate and not telling me. But it's just that, my thoughts.

Some of it is DS3 being in the wrong environment. But when the SENCo sends documents saying DS3 was on a reduced timetable because I was refusing to send him as I was worried he wasn't coping, then it's very hard to feel sympathy for the impact on the school DS3 has. (That really wasn't what happened)

I'd love to get views on the 7 adults chasing him around school incident, but I seem to lack coherency and it's an even longer story.

I best carry on being "that parent" by telling the LA to remove the bits from the EHCP about school staff undertaking sensory assessments and conducting sensory audits.

I still think the teacher was wrong, both in the decision to send with a classmate and not telling me. But it's just that, my thoughts.

What would you have liked her to do?

@DobbinsVeil I sent you a PM with my opinion based on the short version. Hope you don't mind.

Tell him the SENCo was busy and he'd have to wait for her. SENCo office is nearest to DS3 classroom, they are directly opposite each other.

Some people are very naievity. They think all teachers are 'naice'.

I've helped SN families who were desperate, with diagnosis refused etc to investigate cases and have requested school files on children before.

What I saw was frightening. Showing teachers lied, falsified documents, were negligent etc.

So I have no naievity about how not all teachers are fair, honest, have the proper 'duty of care' towards the child. Not everyone has the child's best interests at heart.

I try to be open minded when I read threads. Not everyone has seen the darker side of schools!

DobbinsVeil

Would that have worked? Or might he have bolted? Or had a meltdown?

It doesn’t sound to me like the teacher could have guaranteed a positive outcome here, whatever she did.

Tell him the SENCo was busy and he'd have to wait for her.

Break a student with ASD’s routine?

Honestly, if they had gone badly, would you have blamed the teacher for that too?

Not everyone has the child's best interests at heart.

No one said that. Asking a parent to talk to the teacher,get both sides, have a rational and sensible discussion about what happened and how to move forward is not being naive or thinking all teacher are perfect.

It's the best way to (most times) get a result that is beneficial for the child,parent and hopefully the school. Sometimes that outcome is not possible. Sometimes the teachers are in the wrong,sometimes the parent or child are in the wrong.

I best carry on being "that parent" by telling the LA to remove the bits from the EHCP about school staff undertaking sensory assessments and conducting sensory audits.

Absolutely. The fact that there is so much more to your situation means that overall, you are up against a stressful situation, in which you are doing what you feel is best for your DS and shouldn’t be happening, for a myriad of reasons.

But when you post just a few lines on a Mumsnet thread that is being used heavily to criticise the teaching profession and that initial post misses out most of the full situation plus initially places sole blame on just the classroom teacher, then you will get the responses you have had, plus you will have given ammunition to posters with a grudge and trolls. Which ultimately filters into real people’s working lives and adds little positive value.

The tone and language of parents’ initial posts play a huge part in the defensive responses from teachers and parents alike. There’s even a thread running now, highlighting this issue.

They change routines and adult support all the time. Think there were 3 or 4 different class TAs last week. 1 day a week the teacher has a combined NQT PPA day, and the cover changes for that too.

Impossible to say whether he'd have been disruptive. It was only the second day of the plan so hardly an entrenched routine.

But the teacher may not have agreed, and might have thought not sticking to the strategy was a worse option than sticking to it, albeit with the other child going with your DS. It was nothing to do with the teacher that the admin staff (I am not blaming her either) let the other child stay. This is an unfortunate situation. You are treating it like some sort of conspiracy.

In what way am I treating it as a conspiracy?

To me, your emphasis seems to have been on the teacher deliberately ignoring the arrangements. You don’t seem willing to acknowledge the possibility that she was between a rock and a hard place, and did her best to navigate that without detriment to your child. It’s a shame.

Ok
What about this then

DS3 was excused from attending Forest School. He was staying in class with a TA helping to tidy it up (he loves doing this).

Teacher, who was on her NQT/PPA time, came and saw DS3 and asked him to come for a walk with him. Which he did. He then realised she was taking him to Forest school. He bolted and was chased around school by 7 adults, finally being trapped in the SEN room. Took ages to calm down.

There was no reason to try and force the forest school. He wasn't dressed for it so I'm not sure what she was trying to achieve.

DobbinsVeil

Did you ask the teacher for her side of that story?

Was she actually taking him to Forest school or they were walking past/towards it and that's what he though,possibly reinforced by the fact that he doesn't trust her?

No, that was what the SENCo and Head told me. the SENCo wrote a note and also verbally explained as I had to go in and get DS3 at pick up as he was running around again.

All DS3 had to say was "Miss tried to drop me off at forest school, but I dropped her off instead"

As explained, teacher was on PPA time so not there at pick up, and we aren't allowed to talk to teacher in the morning (next day).

He was then excluded at lunchtime for 1.5 days, had a medical appointment missing another day. So by the time back to school the time for discussion had passed.

DobbinsVeil

Can you explain her actions based on what they told you? Did they tell you why she collected him? Because without her side of that story I can’t comment on the reasonableness of her actions.

She was trying to take him there. It's in a part of the site they only go for Forest School. I'm afraid my map drawing skills are worse than my written explanations so there's no point me trying.