To think some posters will always say the school / teacher is not being unreasonable

[andineverwill]

It really does feel you can’t criticise schools / teachers on here.

But you don’t know why, so this is all a bit speculative.

HT Suggested we had a meeting, I said no point in keeping taking up time, do what they think and just to contact me if there's a problem. Which is pretty much daily.

You refused a meeting with the head as timewasting?

There’s a lot going on here, you are supposing things that are not clear. You are thinking that a few days later is too much time passed to discuss a major incident with your DS.

You need to go into school and have a proper meeting, where all this can be discussed properly.

What explanation is there for taking him?

I agree with the 85 % are great and fine. 15% should frankly be doing something else. Sitting in classes as a ta is gives a fair idea of how very hard the job is and just how brilliant teachers can be.
Kuponut - there are magnifying sheets you can buy on Amazon, if that would help.

DobbinsVeil

That’s what I am asking you. You seem determined to assume the worst about this teacher, without asking for her side of the story. Yes, of course you are “that parent”.

Yup. My ds is having difficulty with a teacher atm. I thought about posting for advice, but there really is not point because MN always sticks up for the teacher. The reality is, this teacher is a bully, she was a teacher when I was at the school and was a bully (I didn't have her), she was my brothers teacher and she bullied him, and now my ds has her, and she bullies him. Apparently there has already been a complaint from a mum about her this year. My ds also tells me that she isnt nice to the boy in their class who is autistic.
Recently something happened that I was really annoyed about. I thought will I post on MN for advice, and then thought, na, no point.

We don’t know, Dobbin. You don’t know either. You don’t seem to be letting it go but you also haven’t asked the person who might actually know because the ‘time for discussion had passed’.

Drogosnextwife

Right. Well, I don’t mind sharing with you that I am singularly unconvinced.

I'm sorry I was more preoccupied with the exclusion than getting satisfactory direct evidence from the teacher to satisfy MN. I shall ask her tomorrow and report back.

The note says took him for a walk to see what they were doing in Forest School. The HT and SENCo were the ones who said he wasn't told what was happening, and that tallies with DS3's behaviour (bolting). But that's apparently only good enough for me.

The note says took him for a walk to see what they were doing in Forest School.

Well, why do you think she did that?

Because they want him to attend Forest School again.

And why? What’s her rationale?

And who is “they”?

seaweed
I remember that thread. It isn’t the case that anybody was suggesting that teachers are never wrong. They were explaining to you why you couldn’t have what you wanted. That’s different.

No, I was pointing out that a number of teachers I know (and one on that thread), did make that accommodation whenever needed. It was perfectly possible for a number of teachers in mainstream schools - they might have children coming in for story time for example, or found other times when having an extra child would not be disruptive.

So, why was it so impossible for the one or two teachers who insisted that it was an unreasonable demand and that they did not have a single moment when this could happen without a lot of extra work?

When it comes to it, I think there are many teachers who will consider how to meet a child's needs in a way that fits their own. I know there are, as I have friends and family that do it on a daily basis and think of it as a routine part of their job. And then there are a few that see any accommodation as being intrinsically unreasonable.

An educational psychologist who observed DD in class in year 1 made the informal observation, for another example, that she thought it was bordering on abusive to have a teacher that rigid and emotionally distant teaching children that age, and that all the children were scared of her. Because of DD's past history her level of fear was exceptional and she was unable to function. All the psych could do, of course, was phrase it in terms of 'adjustments' in the teacher's behaviour for my daughter's needs. Which were, of course, resented and ignored.

A friend's son was treated so harshly (children need consequences!) when he was distressed at school he ended up needing psychiatric input and was out of school for half a year. After a change of school, where he was allowed to go for a walk when he was getting upset, at the end of his first year there he got the class science award, no sign of 'behavioural problems'.

Not all teachers are like that, I think most aren't. DD''s teacher this year is wonderful - rather eccentric but the first to be positive about DD, and it shows in DD's behaviour.

But there are some who will see anything and everything as unreasonable, and children who cannot conform should not be in mainstream school, no matter how much those qualified to assess the situation (ed psychs, behaviour specialists, SWs) say the opposite. Let alone mere parents, of course.

Because it's a a weekly timetabled lesson. It may cause issues with staff, but I used to collect him in Yr1 and I've said I'm more than happy to do that again

"They" is sloppy of me, staff within the school, it's a guess I don't know who thinks what. As a couple of posters have already pointed out.

But as had been made clear at the meeting the previous day, DS3 doesn't really trust any adults in school. The teacher springing that on him really had a huge negative impact.

I’ll quote this again because it seems pertinent
HT Suggested we had a meeting, I said no point in keeping taking up time, do what they think and just to contact me if there's a problem. Which is pretty much daily.

You don’t actually want the school to do what they think. You want them to do what you want. You need a meeting to clarify expectations all round.

Allington

I have no issue with the idea that it might sometimes be fine. But it won’t always be fine, and people gave you fair explanations of that at the time.

@WhiskeyLullaby

One of the reasons this year's teacher is so great is that she does not try to pretend she is perfect. So we can have a sensible discussion about what's happening, what is and isn't possible, and how we can support each other. She doesn't say 'not possible' to everything I can suggest, but is willing to think creatively about DD's needs can be met in the context of all the other demands on her time and attention.

Because it's a a weekly timetabled lesson. It may cause issues with staff, but I used to collect him in Yr1 and I've said I'm more than happy to do that again

But you said he had been excused from Forest School. Who excused him? Is it possible, which it sounds like from this, that the teacher was just doing what she is supposed to do? Making sure a child was where he was supposed to be?

Well, I think some of the responses on this thread illustrate the point OP was making

Allington

And I think some of them illustrate just how unreasonable some parents’ expectations can be.

We had a meeting the day before the Forest school saga. HT CT, DH and me. Explained DS3 and reacting badly to being "tricked" no safe adults etc.

I've been to so many meetings, even this term it's 4 or 5.

Somehow these incidents keep happening. I then get phonecalls asking how to get him to calm down as he's ripping up his work, throwing things, trying to tear down displays. And around we go...

And again, I don't expect this school to be able to meet his needs. But again they need to be honest with the LA.

Gosh, another one of these threads. It's been a good week or so since the last one:

OP: turns up and throws ridiculous grenade making sweeping statements (usually about how nobody can ever complain about a teacher ever despite loads of evidence to the contrary or some silly nonsense about teacher workload/holidays)

Aim to promote a whining forum

Teachers challenge

Give it a few pages and people start saying "ooooh look at this thread... It proves the OP is right".

How delightfully goady.

OP On the tiny chance you really are genuine, there are many threads bitching about teachers on here and many, many awful pieces of advice on how to deal with schools.

Some of us teachers spend a lot of time on here offering helpful and accurate advice on how to approach schools, raise queries, launch formal complaints and so on. What we don't accept is silly hysteria and fuming over half versions of events. Many teachers on here tend to advocate a more sensible and measured way of working. This annoys the professionally annoyed who like to tell people to demand meetings, misuse the word safeguarding, suggest going to ofsted.
For most rational people they prefer decent advice. For those who have school chips and are looking for cheerleaders, there's no shortage of posters who love a pile in.

but is willing to think creatively about DD's needs can be met in the context of all the other demands on her time and attention.

Which is great! Except in some schools you get reprimanded for that creativity because it doesn't follow the school format/policy and we need consistency.

A teacher that works with the parents is essential . A parent that works with the teachers/school is essential.

But you said he had been excused from Forest School. Who excused him? Is it possible, which it sounds like from this, that the teacher was just doing what she is supposed to do? Making sure a child was where he was supposed to be?

No, because the teacher wasn't teaching the class that day.

Yes I'm so unreasonable I asked them to exclude him, rather than having him year up the Yr2 classroom!