Why people get annoyed at no children wedding a

[Irishmumtogirls]

I'm a bit miffed at why so many threads are about no kids at weddings. Mabey it's an Irish thing but Aby wedding invite I've had never mentioned kids and I wudnt expect it.
I was married last year onky children invited were me and dh neices and nephews and r own daughter. Al kids were sent home after the dinner to their other grand parenmnts for the night. My daughter was minded in hotel room by wokrer from her creche. We al had a fab night with no worry.
Never once wud any of my friends expect their kids to be invited to a wedding and personally wud Prib be horrified at the thought of it. Why not enjoy a night off.
I get ebf but come on there is ways around this.
Ready to be roasted lol

It is unreasonable to be offended or angry if you are invited to a wedding without your children.
But it is not at all unreasonable to not want to go without them.
It is not unreasonable for a couple to choose not to invite children. It is absolutely unreasonable for them to then get offended if people decline to attend.
I have never been invited to a wedding without my children. It wouldn't make me angry if it happened but I would politely decline and wish the couple well.
Some couples do seem to forget that they are sending invitations not issuing summons, and lose track of the fact that their wedding isn't necessarily as important to everyone else as it is to them.

I'm not offended by child free weddings but I can't go to them as I have nobody to look after my dc.

We only had nieces and nephews at ours. Most of our friends have a couple of children between them and so there just would have been too many kids if we'd invited them all. Numbers were limited and inviting children would have meant sacrificing adult guests we wanted there. None of our friends turned down the invite and in fact appreciated a day off.

DD(10) loves a good wedding. She's always first up on the dance floor and last one to leave it. I have such a lovely video of her dancing with the bride at my cousins wedding. Would I take her to a work colleagues wedding? No, but then I wouldn't expect to be invited and wouldn't go anyway. Family wedding? Lovely for us both to be invited, sorry not coming if not.

The worst ones are those weddings that are entirely child free & when the couple procreate a few years later they choose to inflict their pfb at every occasion. The hypocrisy of some child free wedding couples does my head in.

One couple I know were very anti children generally & didn't have any at their wedding. The bride told me that she hated kids after I'd returned from mat leave. Fast forward 3 years later & she's pregnant with the the world's 1st child! The fucking bitch won't shut up about her amazing pregnancy now. However, she made every pregnant woman or new mum in our office feel awful. They bring their baby to everything whether invited or not.

The fucking bitch won't shut up about her amazing pregnancy now

Did you go to the wedding of this woman you clearly hate?

What is the Fucking Bitch's respose when you say she's done a 180° on awfulness of pregnancy and you remind her she hates kids?

Some couples do seem to forget that they are sending invitations not issuing summons, and lose track of the fact that their wedding isn't necessarily as important to everyone else as it is to them.
I agree with you.
The issue is when people plan a wedding that is inconvenient, eg long travel for most people, destination weddings for long weekends, somewhere with awkward transport back, child free, weddings that require half a week annual leave to be taken etc, and then they annoyed or arsey if people decline because they can't attend, or act like it's a personal slant

How to arrange childcare if everyone close to the couple, is going, which will include all the trusted babysitters?

I'm getting married in a year and I couldn't imagine not having children there. Admittedly a lot of these children are close family but some are family friends as well. I always love how children are at weddings, they bring so much joy and life to a happy event. Plus I've invited my friend and her daughter too so my son has his best friend there with him so they can play.
I'm not worried about children staying up late as its normal in our family for special events but we'll be leaving the reception early to take our son home as he has special needs and won't cope with a loud crowded party

fluffyalpaca

She sounds incredibly self centred. Basically when it was her getting married, her wedding was the most important thing. Now she’s banked her nice child free wedding and has had a baby, her baby takes priority over everything. She’s just selfish.

My wedding wasn’t child free (had family children and new borns) but we didn’t invite everyone’s children and now I have a child myself I am even more in favour of child free weddings because I know first hand just how disruptive a baby can be. Previously I had naively thought that if the parents are considerate it wouldn’t matter but my colicky baby would have been no fun at anyone’s wedding - nothing I did could soothe her. I honestly thought little babies were just cute and cuddly the whole time but now I know the reality I totally defend the bride and groom’s right to choose!

The worst ones are those weddings that are entirely child free & when the couple procreate a few years later they choose to inflict their pfb at every occasion. The hypocrisy of some child free wedding couples does my head in.

I went to a wedding 20 years ago where good friends came with their newborn who was literally days old. She made zero noise, was in a baby sling, BF. I’m sure it didn’t occur to them not to bring her, and it was a huge effort for them to come.
They were slightly older than us so no one else had children yet.
Bride was furious, stomped about, complained they should have had it ‘looked after’.
Fast forward a few years and she wouldn’t leave her own (non BF children) for another wedding when they were toddlers. I think some child free people have no idea the trouble until they have children of their own.

Many of us know someone who wanted the childfree wedding but then their own PFB couldn't possibly be excluded later on! But the issue generally with weddings is brides and grooms not owning the consequences of their decisions. Children is one aspect of that but so are things like destination weddings and midweek weddings where people leave early, as a pp pointed out. Absolutely fine if all the implications of this are thought about beforehand and accepted, but when they haven't been it causes problems. Although I think sometimes the couple know and just sort of send the invitation as a compliment while understanding it won't be accepted, iyswim.

I do sympathise with people who get married later so their generation already have lots of children though. DH and I were on the young side and while we didn't have a childfree wedding, there just weren't that many kids there because they were all the ones that existed in our social circle. So cost wise it wasn't significant. I have since been to an officially childfree wedding where there were more DC there than there were at ours purely because of babes in arms and close family who had travelled.

Personally love children at a wedding, its a family do but understand if people don't want them.

To the people saying its a british thing no childen at a wedding I'm not sure it is exclusively. My brother married a Russian lady and she absolutely did not want any children at their wedding and nor did her mother. They were adamant that in Russia children are never invited. My brother put his foot down and said that my children had to come as they were a big part of his very small family. I think it is the only thing the two of them have ever disagreed upon. She allowed it although not happily which was a bit of a shame but thankfully all went well and they seem to have recovered from the disagreement.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

You said: I'm getting married at some point in the next couple of years. Our wedding is for us, no one else. If we decide to invite people it will be friends and family who we choose to invite, who we are close to and with whom we want to celebrate our wedding and start if our marriage

That’s what everyone does! But if you don’t want children, then be prepared for the parents to decline.

I don't get offended by it at all, but equally, I don't expect other people to get offended if I choose not to attend.

I hate child-free weddings. For me, weddings are all about the creation of a new family, and it seems really weird to exclude kids from that. However, if people want a child-free wedding, that's their choice and I respect it. Each to their own and all that.

I generally choose not to attend child-free

Oops, posted too soon. I generally choose not to attend child-free weddings but wouldn't explain why unless pressed for a reason. One family member did insist on knowing why DH and I were not going to his wedding, and seemed utterly unable to comprehend why I was not willing to leave my then young dc with a friend while we spent time and money travelling overseas to attend his child-free "do". As far as I was concerned, it was his choice not to invite her, and mine not to attend.

I went to a wedding yesterday and the kjds whinged and played up throughout it all. Very very annoying.

I can't say I'm offended by them, as I understand how expensive weddings are, and that also some venues aren't suitable.

I think it depends on the closeness of your relationship with the couple getting married. I think most people wouldn't expect friends to invite their children, but might expect family members to do so.

I think money comes in to it too. In the past when weddings were fairly low key affairs that you didn't have to shell out a lot of money for, it probably didn't feel like that much of a stretch to pay for childcare to go to a wedding.

Now though there are some couples who are very demanding on other people's wallet. Engagement parties, hen/stag parties - sometimes abroad, multiple gifts, clothes for the wedding, hotels and so on and so on. I can imagine having to pay for childcare on top of that feels a bit irritating.

If your wedding really is for you and nobody else, your best bet is not to have guests. Because the reality is that if you include people, it also becomes about them. Unavoidable.

I'm getting married next year. We don't have children and we are not inviting children.

I have been to so many weddings that have been ruined by children/the refusal of parents to manage their children. I've been at 2 ceremonies that you couldn't hear because of toddlers shrieking, 1 where a child ran up and sat at the front and refused to move, 1 where a child has pulled a tablecloth off a table sending bottles of wine flying...I could go on.

DP and I love each other, want to enjoy our day, and will not be offended in the slightest if people decline. We are not overly close to our families. Our wedding is not about the joining of families. It's about us wanting to celebrate getting married with the people we're close to. Only a few people coming have children, not many at all, and they are often babysitting while their parents go out.

The rise in childfree weddings is directly proportional to the decline in children being able to behave, IMHO.

The rise in childfree weddings is directly proportional to the decline in children being able to behave, IMHO.

If children are never allowed to attend social occasions how will they learn how to behave?

@BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou If the common viewpoint is that the only opportunity where children can possibly be taught to behave properly is a wedding, that explains the decline in behaviour I suppose! There are plenty of other opportunities for children to be taught about proper behaviour in public - nobody is suggesting they be banned from all social events: Just that it's not an obligation of a bride and groom to provide a learning experience for someone's else's children!

I understand until they say that breastfeeding babies can't attend. I think an exception should always be made in those circumstances.
Breastfeeding is hard enough without having to try and adapt just for a wedding!