Why people get annoyed at no children wedding a

[Irishmumtogirls]

I'm a bit miffed at why so many threads are about no kids at weddings. Mabey it's an Irish thing but Aby wedding invite I've had never mentioned kids and I wudnt expect it.
I was married last year onky children invited were me and dh neices and nephews and r own daughter. Al kids were sent home after the dinner to their other grand parenmnts for the night. My daughter was minded in hotel room by wokrer from her creche. We al had a fab night with no worry.
Never once wud any of my friends expect their kids to be invited to a wedding and personally wud Prib be horrified at the thought of it. Why not enjoy a night off.
I get ebf but come on there is ways around this.
Ready to be roasted lol

[TequilaPilates]

If you want a child free wedding then have at it.

What you can't do though is try to pressurise any guest into coming when they can't or don't want to leave their child.

[paxillin]

I have no issue with child free weddings.

I do have an issue with people telling me it will be nice to "have a night off" from the kids. If I want to take a night off and spend £100 on a nanny staying, I don't want to spend it at a wedding. So no, I am not grateful for the night off, but I will do it for a close friend.

If the friend in question is not super close, I will turn such an invitation down.

[honeylulu]

Suppose we are lucky we gave 2 sets of parents always willing to take kiddies for an entire day and night.

Well, durr, yes you are. We don't. I fully respect the wishes of the bride and groom but it makes things very difficult. On the occasion of two child free weddings I really wanted to go to we hired a nanny to look after our children in hotel room to the tune of £100 a pop. Youngest was a baby (four weeks and 13 weeks respectively) and I had to dash back and forth to breastfeed. Elder child was bored rigid. Paying a nanny to look after them at home would not have been possible because of a 2.5 hour drive each way, and BF of course. (Have never been able to express more than a single feed worth.)

That was our choice and I didn't moan about it. It was tough though, and very expensive with all the other wedding costs too.

"Why not enjoy a night off?" you say. See above, Sherlock!

It actually really gets on my tits when the invitation says the bride and groom are "giving you a night off". No they aren't, whether kids are invited or not its me who pays the babysitter if I fancy a "night off".

[honeylulu]

Cross post with @paxillin !

[Tellmetruth4]

What’s with the text speak?

Anyway, have a childfree wedding if you wish but don’t expect some people to attend. Weddings are becoming ridiculously expensive to attend. The foreign hen do, traipsing to a castle in the middle of nowhere, the expensive gift registry, new outfit etc etc. Then paying for overnight baby sitters on top?

[walkingtheplank]

I'd re-iterate the 'do as you want but don't moan if parents don't come'.
My cousin had a child-free wedding. My children were 5 and 7 years old. The wedding was a 6 hour round trip, middle of nowhere, reception not at a hotel. So the children had to stay at home. We were out of the house for 11 hours, attended wedding, waited for photos, attended wedding breakfast and had to go straight after. Had spent whole day listening to family moaning that we were mean for not bringing the children and then when we left people, including cousin and her parents, moaning that we were leaving so soon. We gave a very generous gift - couple of years on still no thank you - and spent £110 on childcare. I wish we hadn't bothered.

This year we attended an Irish wedding - kids galore and in a hotel so we had the option for an early night if needed but my children have more stamina than I realised. That was a nice wedding, in part because no one made me feel guilty.

[teachermam]

I don't care either way but if I'm invited to a wedding I don't bring the kids. I want to enjoy it have some fun 1and not worry about children plus I'm Irish also

[BadSun]

I think most threads come from either the couple not being as accepting about parents not coming as many people on here say they were/would be, or the parents at least feeling guilty for not going, whether they need to or not. Weddings are often far away so finding childcare is hard.

If the wedding is nearby and the parents have people around who can easily take care of the kids for an afternoon + evening, or if they can't make it and the happy couple are totally fine with that, then clearly there wouldn't be a thread made about it on mumsnet would there!?

[BackforGood]

A child-less wedding seems a modern phenomenon. Thirty years ago, that would have been very unusual. If you invited someone with kids, you’d assume the children were coming.

Rubbsh. We got married over 25 years ago. I went to the majority of weddings of friends in the 80s and into the 90s. I rarely saw a child at a wedding. I certainly didn't go to weddings as a child.
Just like today, some folk prefer to have lots of children there and some folk don't. I don't know if it is a geographical thing or a class thing or a cultural thing or something else altogether, but it isn't a recent thing, for sure.

[Rezie]

I don't have kids and dont mind child free weddings or occasions. I think the trouble is that the couple tries to make it sound like they are doing a favour. "You can enjoy a night without kids" but it's possible that this causes the guests to spend a lot of money for a sitter. Everybody doesn't have family and friends who would happily take the children for a night or two. Or is they do then parents might not want to use this limited capital on this.
Also the couple shouldn't be upset if people cannot attend because of this.

[TeacupDrama]

people who don't invite nephews and nieces and then complain if their brother or sister is upset as they can't both make it as no childcare are being unreasonable,

The sibling then says I'll come on my own and DP will look after the kids and the bride and groom moan about that too saying they want DP too and you must be able to get an overnight babysitter for your kids and it will be a treat for you

Not getting the problem as at least half the obvious babysitters are likely to be invited to wedding too and the DP's parents may not be near or capable of babysitting

however expecting your kids to be invited to your friend at works wedding is a bit silly but then they also should not be bothered if you can't go

I think people get upset if it is close family or best friend doesn't invite child and then gets all upset if you decline ( especially if wedding is a long way from where you live) if you go for a child free wedding please don't feel offended if folks decline because

1. they can't get childcare
2. they can't afford childcare unless family do it
3. it is too expensive to bring kids with them stay in a hotel and one parent spend the whole day entertaining kids away from home while other attends wedding
4. Their children are still breast feeding or get upset if left
5. both parents work full time and get not much quality time with their kids apart from weekends so missing even more time with them is really not a treat

[myolivetree]

A child-less wedding seems a modern phenomenon. Thirty years ago, that would have been very unusual. If you invited someone with kids, you’d assume the children were coming.

@Loveislandaddict
No not really. It was a thing then too. Just depends what wedding you went to.

[lyralalala]

I think part of it is that it’s often sprung on you. You spent two years listening to Jane and Steve talk about their wedding then only when the invitations come in 6 weeks before their bank holiday weekend/5 hour drive away/Wednesday afternoon wedding do you find out that they have decided it should be an opportunity for you to “let your hair down and relax”

I don’t mind a childfree wedding as long as the couple don’t get the arse if you can’t go. My cousin met DH’s cousin at our wedding. We live in a small place and my cousin was in my year at school. They asked DH to be an usher and decided on a child free wedding. Absolutely fine. However, absolutely every single person that has ever babysat my kids is going to the wedding so the fact she doesn’t talk to me anymore because I said I couldn’t go is just ridiculous bridezilla antics

[SprinkleDash]

My DH and I had a strictly childfree wedding!! Nothing worse than children at a wedding! 😠

[MeadowHay]

I prefer weddings with children. Adds a different dynamic. The weddings I've been to without children have tended to fall into the 'nice but a bit boring tbh' camp or 'full of people really drunk and being annoying camp' whereas weddings with children tend to fall in-between, which is my fave kind of atmosphere, personally.

Having said that, I do understand why people cba with children at weddings, not everyone has children, not everyone likes them, and some people just want a rest/a chance to let their hair down instead of having to worry about their kids. I definitely wouldn't be remotely offended if DD wasn't invited to a wedding and if I could find childcare for her I would still go to it. In fact this happened recently, DH and I were invited to a very small, adult-only family wedding, it was in the daytime only and DD was at nursery then anyway. We weren't remotely annoyed and we went and had a nice time and just made sure we were back in time to collect her.

[feelingsinister]

I had children at my wedding and they were very welcome but actually most of my closest friends didn't have children at that stage so there weren't that many there.

Had half my guests had to leave early because of their small children I would have understood but would have been a bit pissed off tbh. I think weddings are boring for kids unless you put on loads of stuff for them to do and I really don't believe that crap about children 'making the day'.

You're never going to keep everyone happy over this issue. As a non-parent, my selfish stance is that I'd rather everyone left their kids at home (kids that I love and enjoy spending time with) for the evening do so we can party but it sounds like I go to different weddings to the rest of you.

As for the OP, your post hurt my eyes. Please don't type like a 12 year old.

[PepsiCat33]

We only invited family children under 10 to our wedding. We had a maximum number of guests we could invite and it would have meant friends not being invited if we had to invite toddlers we barely know. No one minded, the parents all enjoyed a weekend away and I certainly wouldn't have been offended if someone had said they weren't coming if their kids weren't! Some people will mind, some won't, you can't please everyone.

[tumbleisatwat]

I do think child free weddings are a modern, middle class thing. Some people see it as more of an extended party than anything else. People don't generally take kids to adult parties in middle class land.

I dislike child free weddings, bit dull.

[Dinosauratemydaffodils]

I have no issue with childfree weddings but I do get annoyed with the people who have them and then take issue with our lack of attendance. If it's a local wedding, then absolutely fine. We will hire a babysitter/ask my MiL but if it's 400 miles away, you want us to spend the whole weekend and you're inviting all our family...what exactly do you want us to do with the kids?

Plus if I actually want a night off with dh, spending it at someone else's wedding really wouldn't be my first choice.

[shiningstar2]

It depends. All weddings in my family and dh's have included all family and extended family children and sometimes friends as well. If the wedding is local to guests they often don't mind child free weddings and as you say might prefer the opportunity for a night off. As you say, kids can usually fairly easily be babysat for a few hours. I think the problem arises when the weddings are further away and a night or even two nights stay is needed. Not everybody can get that level of childcare or feel comfortable leaving their kids for that length of time. It is of course up to the bride and groom where they have the wedding and who they invite but equally I think they need to be understanding if some people they would have liked to come just can't get a babysitter it the wedding means a couple of nights away from home.

[sweetiepy]

Not really a modern phenomenon.
I got married nearly 38 years ago, no children.
All school friends wedding, no children.
Siblings weddings, no children.
Can’t remember ever going to a wedding where children were invited, until my niece’s wedding around 10 years ago.

[CMOTDibbler]

Everyone is entitled to invite who they want to an event. But unless its very local, a childfree wedding means that one or both of us won't be coming. And if it is local, then we will be leaving by 10 to get back to the babysitter who we will have spent a huge amount on for a full day of babysitting. We don't have family to babysit, and patronising comments about letting us let our hair done really grate

[Beesandcheese]

Because to me no kids = we are weirdly ageist / don't actually want family there only some drunken mate's.

[JenniferM1989]

IrishMumToGirls, you do realise mumsnet don't charge per paragraph? You can freely write as much as you like, you don't have to shorten words

[Nanny0gg]

I'm a bit miffed at why so many threads are about no kids at weddings

Why 'miffed' and why do you care?