Why people get annoyed at no children wedding a

[Irishmumtogirls]

I'm a bit miffed at why so many threads are about no kids at weddings. Mabey it's an Irish thing but Aby wedding invite I've had never mentioned kids and I wudnt expect it.
I was married last year onky children invited were me and dh neices and nephews and r own daughter. Al kids were sent home after the dinner to their other grand parenmnts for the night. My daughter was minded in hotel room by wokrer from her creche. We al had a fab night with no worry.
Never once wud any of my friends expect their kids to be invited to a wedding and personally wud Prib be horrified at the thought of it. Why not enjoy a night off.
I get ebf but come on there is ways around this.
Ready to be roasted lol

[ComtesseDeSpair]

I’m child free and would have a child free wedding if and when I have one, because children are generally nuisances at events. But, I would be absolutely and completely unoffended if my friends with DC decided they couldn’t or didn’t want to come - some people I gather actually like hanging out with their DC and wouldn’t want to leave them; and even for those who wouldn’t mind leaving them, finding childcare for a day or two can be difficult and expensive. So I totally understand why people moan about childfree weddings. I think the issue is when the bride and groom get upset when invitations are declined and try to put pressure on.

[Daaps]

Ive never been to a wedding where there has been loads of drunk people, but maybe that’s just me

Lol at the idea that everyone has “other grandparents” hanging about to remove children.
I don’t really care if children are invited or not, just so long as nobody gets arsey when the invitation is declined on the grounds that not everyone can pull childcare out of their arse. Especially when the wedding is miles from anywhere. We are not all from the cast of a soap opera where you only know and/or are related to people who live within 30 feet of your back yard

[Zeldetta]

Because some people are incredibly self centred and expect people to organise their wedding around their own preferences instead of those of the bride and groom.

[Purplejay]

To add, I would not leave my child to attend a wedding (unless with his Dad now we are separated). We did not have healthy available grandmas although they and we wished it were otherwise. I would be fine about someone choosing not to invite children so long as they did not take offence at my not going.

[lazylinguist]

But I know by 11pm at a wedding I wudnt want my kids stil hanging about

Well no - if you have young children you'd probably leave earlier. As you say, OP, not everyone has grandparents nearby. I live 4 hours' drive from my parents and in-laws.

[Crunchymum]

OP, what is up with all the text speak, weird abbreviations and missing letters? It's very distracting!

[Irishmumtogirls]

Oh dont get me wrong my neices and nephews made the day. I never once said they have to be home by certain time etc that was down to my brothers sister and SIL choosing to arrange child care so they cud enjoy the evening. Same with both SIL weddings we attended I arranged for kids to leave by 8pm so we cud have some time

[CountFosco]

Because if you don't live in the place you grew up in and didn't marry the boy next door then receiving an invitation to a child free wedding is basically a request for an expensive gift because both you and the bride and groom know there is no way you can attend. Babysitters are hard enough to find if DH an I want to go to the cinema, no way could we get someone to look after the 3 DC for a weekend while we attend a family child free wedding 300 miles away several days after Christmas (to pick a recent example). Just don't bother inviting me please.

[lazylinguist]

Btw I don't mean that I'd be in any way offended if a wedding was adults only. It's the bride and groom's choice, obviously. I just mean that when my dc were little, that might have meant I couldn't go to the wedding.

[Honeybee85]

I wouldn’t be annoyed if my child was not welcome at a wedding that I was invited to, however might skip attending it due to lack of availability of a childminder. So purely for practical reasons not out of spite.

I am much more likely to deliberately skip an invitation to a wedding that demands that the guests dress up in a certain colour (seems to be in fashion these days) but that’s another story.

[Ihateedmundelephant]

Why wouldn’t the kids be there?! A wedding is a nice family occasion. The weddings I go to are not full of drunk people - we all have a few drinks but nothing unsuitable for children to be around if I’m close to someone and they know my children I’d be a bit upset that they weren’t invited and probably not attend either to be honest, especially if the wedding was any distance away. I’m not paying for a babysitter to and don’t have the option to use family as childcare. I wouldn’t be annoyed if my children weren’t invited but I’d expect them to not be annoyed that I don’t attend.

[Venger]

When DB got married a few years ago he floated the idea of a child-free wedding and sent out save the date cards asking how many people would be able to attend if it was child-free so they'd have an idea on numbers. When he realised that around 50% of their intended guests wouldn't able to make it, including me because our mum is my primary babysitter, they opted to included children and chose their venue based on there being children attending.

I don't get offended if my DC aren't invited, it's up to the people paying for the wedding who they do or don't invite, but if I can't get childcare then I don't go to the wedding. Thankfully it has rarely been as issue as I'm from a large family that includes children in almost all events, even funerals.

[Irishmumtogirls]

Drunkness starts at 3am! Hahaha

[ComtesseDeSpair]

A wedding is a nice family occasion.

I do honestly think this depends on the couple and their lifestyle. When most of my friends have gotten married the guest list has been far more friends-based than family-based: most have invited only their parents, siblings and any living grandparents but not a plethora of aunts, uncles, cousins etc. The rest of those invited have been friends. Which I imagine reflects the lifestyles of youngish professional people who’ve moved away from their hometowns and families for university and work and have far stronger relationships with their social crowd than distant relatives. And as such, these weddings do tend to be quite boozy and lovely and not necessarily suitable for children.

[Hydrogenbeatsoxygen]

I love to see children at weddings. I love to see them dressed up and enjoying themselves. Family weddings we have been to lately have gone out of their way to make children welcome with toys, colouring and crayons all put out. A wedding is creating part of a new family and children are part of a family.

The other thing to consider, is the availability of babysitters. In our family the usual babysitters will be family and also invited to the wedding.

[SallyCinnamon3009]

Because not everyone has grandparents who are able to babysit and no kids means none of you can attend as on one to watch your kids for a full day and night

[Actionhasmagic]

We had all kids from the family attend but friends kids were not invited. It would have turned into a crèche otherwise

[DrSeuss]

We had to turn down an invitation to a close relative's wedding as it would require a day's travel, a day at the wedding and another day to travel back. My in laws were all at the wedding, my parents are both dead and not many non family members want to babysit for three days! I was annoyed as this couple have childcare options galore due to family and we had previously gone out of our way to accommodate them.

[user1480880826]

Not everyone has childcare options and a lot of weddings are a long way from home and require staying overnight.

Also, where did you learn to write? You post reads like a 12 year olds WhatsApp message.

[BuildBuildings]

I do think it's up to the couple, but you have to be prepared for people not to come. We had one in the family when my niece was under a year old. All of mine (&sis) side of fam were at the wedding and her dh is from a country several thousand miles away where all his family live. The wedding was 1hr and a half away so my sis wasn't keen on asking a friend. She also hadn't mad many/any mum friends yet as she was still on mat leave so niece wasn't at nursery yet. So that's an example of why child free might mean you couldn't go. What happened was her dh didn't go and she left fairly early.

This was the only child free wedding we've been to and tbh it was a heavy drinking crowd.

[highheelsandbobblehats]

We had a child free wedding. But we were mid twenties and few of our friends had children of their own. There were some that were thrilled at the prospect of a day and evening child free, and there were some that were unable to make it due to not having childcare or not wanting to leave their DC. That was fine with us, we understood their choice in the sand way they understood our choice to not invite children.
Sine our DC were born, we have been to four weddings. The first DS1 was invited, he was 14 months. As it was 30 minutes from my ILs (and they weren't going), we uninvited him and had a lovely day and night. He had a much better day with his GPs than he would have with us. The next two were mine and DHs DBs respectively. We took them to both. DH and DS1 missed my DB ceremony as they hung out in the playground outside. My DB didn't mind. We left the reception by around 8pm both times. The last one was last week. It was very laid back with an all welcome vibe. Both our DC and the bride and groom DC danced until midnight. Yes the adults were drinking, but no-one was falling down drunk. It was a fantastic evening all round. Mine are 6 and 8 now, as are the DC of the bride and groom. I think it depends on the wedding, the venue and the individuals concerned.

[Ihatesundays]

Not everyone has childcare. Not everyone has childcare for an entire weekend.

Not everyone has to be invited to a wedding without their children as an excuse to have a night out. Adults can often think of these things themselves.

It’s been 20 years since I got drunk at a wedding. Mostly I am waiting to go to bed after the meal. A disco is hell for me. I’d probably have more fun with DC and dancing with some kids.

If I had guaranteed childfree time I would piss off abroad. Not to a wedding.

As the old Mumsnet mantra goes - have a childfree wedding if you want. However don’t be surprised/pissed off if people with children don’t then come.

[53rdWay]

I love the idea that everyone can just pack the DC off to a grandparent after a wedding. "Off you go, kids! Nana's about 350 miles away so I'll pack you a sandwich for the walk."