How often do people call their MIL?

[Geneva1995]

Just wondering how often people speak to their MIL on the phone. I speak to my mum every other day but I don’t feel the need to ring mil half as much and DP seems to think I’m unfair.
She rang last night and I missed her call so she rang DP and asked if she’d done something to upset me. I was in the shower!

We live 300 miles away so we don’t either of our parents often

used to call her twice or at least once a week...

Big mistake. I withdrew and now I only speak to her when DH calls her to see our kids at home so I say hello and short and sweet convo.

She absolutely doesn’t like it as she thinks it’s my job to be the social secretary but I absolutely don’t feel obliged as it turned into a nasty non reciprocated expectation of her wanting to be treated like my Mum while she treats me like shit.

Expectations should be totally on her own son. If he contacts her less than she wants then that’s between them and they should figure it out and perhaps she should fix her relationship with him.

OP put pressure on your DH by telling him not to offload his “loyalties” unto you and take credit for your efforts while you have to run around fulfilling his social duties..

“Honor thy parents” it’s not “honor thy parents or hand it over to your wife”

You inherit family when you marry into it.

Obviously, that is some people's philosophy, but it isn't mine. I married an individual. I like his family, but I regard them as like colleagues in that they aren't people I've chosen to have in my life, they're in it by accident because of who I married/my job.

Never that's DH's job. If she rings abd he is at home he answers the phone. I rarely speak to her unless we are visiting them which is about twice a year

I always find it interesting when posters on MN are so invested in getting women to do wifework.

I assume it’s because either

1. They are men, so benefit from wifework

1. They are women who do wifework themselves, but they hate it and are filled with resentment towards other women who don’t.

1. They are women who did a piss poor job of bringing up their sons and now expect their DIL to fix all the problems that have resulted.

If they were women who do wifework and were happy with that choice, why would they try to manipulate and name call women who do otherwise ?

I enjoy running but I don’t hassle women who don’t, and imply that they are somehow defective as human beings. Because I’m cool with my own choice and with everyone else’s freedom to do what they like .

I used to ring or see my own mum every day (sadly I can't do that now she's not here).

I visit my In-laws once a week (generally) as they are lovely and I like it for my son. Would I ring them if we lived 300miles away, yes, I probably would Skype them, as I do my father.

If you don't want to though, it shouldn't be held against you .

Just to clarify, I don't see it as wife work ( I find that attitude hilarious ) I do it as they are nice people and I want my son to see them as well.

0lga I don’t think it’s malicious it’s just their understanding of “role of a wife” which is probably painted by a lot of deep router misogyny which is making them live in FOG.

Someone who feels obliged and guilty towards their own mil will probably think every other mil has the right to expect that of her dil. And someone who dismisses their own feelings and the fact they’re not obliged to do something they never signed up for and should t be expected to do something they never agreed do, would also naturally project that dismissive attitude unto other women because being a dil to them is subordinate.

A bit of matriarchy and misogyny mixed up..

But I don’t think it’s malicious. Just misdirected sense of kindness and prioritising those up in the hierarchy of the misogynist family structure.. not everyone subscribes tho.

Not often - not unless I have something specific to ask or say. DH obviously calls her and DS texts sometimes (he's 13).

The only time I’ve phoned mine was to tell her dh was in hospital. I might message her to send her pics or ask her something but I wouldn’t phone her for a chat.

Erm..Olga.. not sure what part of my post made you think I was being unkind. Just this overall thread has a tone of intolerance to MIL in general, they do not all have to be thought of so negatively.. thread full of people saying they’ve got nothing to say to their MIL.. I was just offering a different perspective. I feel our children should be taught that we care for our parents, that’s all

And of course it should not be held against you if you don’t have that kind of relationship, life and families are complicated. But I don’t have a Mum so MIL is very precious, she is also terminally ill.

Another who has never called her MiL.
Well, maybe when we were going out (long before mobiles), she might have answered the house phone if I called him

However, I have never called her for a chat.

We get on well enough - but our relationship is that I happened to fall in love with her ds, and I am Mother of some of her Grandchildren. We aren't friends as such, though we've never argued or fallen out - just get along when we see one another.

I phone her every week or two. She is a nínice lady, my children's grandmother and I think it is important to check in on her, esp as she is getting older. I value a good relationship with my Mil, despite our differences

But I don’t have a Mum so MIL is very precious

I also have no mum with me any more. My MIL simply makes me miss her more.

When it comes to facilitating a relationship with their grandchildren - I do that with my mother, and it's up to my DH and MIL to facilitate that with her.

Happens quite often with my Mum, not so much with MIL.

When it comes to FIL, the DD's have been given the okay to opt out of skyping or phone calls with him due to inappropriate and totally offensive remarks made. They choose not to do so. His actions, his consequences.

Never.
I talk to my mum every second day, he speaks to his mum about once a week or there abouts.

She is a passive aggressive lady who hates the fact her son grew up and moved away.