How often do people call their MIL?

[Geneva1995]

Just wondering how often people speak to their MIL on the phone. I speak to my mum every other day but I don’t feel the need to ring mil half as much and DP seems to think I’m unfair.
She rang last night and I missed her call so she rang DP and asked if she’d done something to upset me. I was in the shower!

We live 300 miles away so we don’t either of our parents often

Only if I need to ask her something specific - but it’s rare. I have no desire to call her (I’d never get off the phone.
We just haven’t got that sort of relationship that we’d chat on the phone. Even though my mum died years ago (we spoke a couple of times a week in phone and I saw her once a week). He would’ve never have called my mum unless an emergency.

Ps: dh speaks/sees his mum once a week. His bro every day. If their contact is anything to go by then I don’t think people w boys only should worry!!

Never!

I'm not a chatty person, I don't ring anybody if I can help it.

I think I rang her once about 12 years ago when I was near her house with the DCs and decided we could visit.

Never if I can help it

Never. She's poison. Also rarely call my mother as she's drunk every day from 2pm and never remembers what we talked about.

Never - I phone my mum, DH is responsible for phoning his!

Once with the ex MIL to confirm that her son was not in my house.
Current two Mil never. I have a chat if she's phoning dh and I answer. I also send emails with photos maybe three or four times a year to all grandparents (literally the same email) as does DH.

I’ve never called my MIL. I didn’t even know her number until about a year ago. Dh and I have been together 11 years. Unless dh died and I had to inform her, I truly cannot think of any reason why I would.

Never but we WhatsApp (we taught her) she works part time so it's easier. Usually about boring stuff like she wants me to get her something from Amazon or wants some paperwork printing. I answer to say it's done. We use it to say gave a nice holiday etc, shes nice tho, nutty but nice

Never!

Probably once every 2 weeks or so. I see her at least twice every week though so don't usually feel the need to talk on the phone as well. Dh phones her or sees her most days.

I do call mine a fair bit but still less than my own mum. Mother in laws aren't your mother, they're someone else's. You met them through someone else and I would place them on the level of friend or acquaintance.

I'm not a massive fan of MIL but I often call her whenever the kids have done something she might want to know about as their grandma. I wouldn't call her because I've felt the need to call my own mum.

Text every day, but I also see her twice a week and stay over quite a lot

I've only ever called mine when DH got suddenly ill and had to stay in hospital and was too unwell to let her know himself. I thought she would want to know, and she did indeed want to know. She calls our landline sometimes to talk with DH, and if I answer, we have a bit of a chat. Otherwise not really. We get along fine, but don't have much to do with each other.

Likewise, I don't think DH has ever called my parents, even though they, too, get along just fine.

Never. She's not my mum.

@Troilusworks I am intrigued why you think that the DIL not calling means that a MIL has limited contact with her married son's family. Mine certainly doesn't. She speaks to her son most days. He is capable of both answering and making calls and does so on a regular basis. My MIL set up a family group chat for her children and grandchildren which I believe they use regularly. We visit fairly often. I don't call my MIL and she doesn't call me - we don't have a great deal in common - but she is far from excluded from our family life. I dont imagine we are unique. Men really aren't so pathetic that they can't call their own mothers.
When my sons grow up I hope that they will keep in touch but I would have no expectation of cosy chats with their partners and more than I expect my now adult daughter's partner to call me, even though I like him well enough.

Never. My DH never calls my mum either, unless there's a specific reason. Everyone gets on fine but it's just not what we do.

We usually speak on the phone twice a week and see each other once a week (she gets some lovely grandparent-grandchild time with my DS).

We live in the same town too.

My PILs are lovely, kind and giving people and I have all the time in the world for them.

@Elbowedout

Because phones only work one way. Obviously.

Mine sadly passed away years ago, she was lovely and we got on brilliantly but I didn't call her often. I'd answer the phone and have a long chat if she rang the house - DH used to joke that she was happier chatting with me than him. I was happy to phone her to ask her things but didn't phone her regularly. I speak to my own mum a few times a day.

Troilusworks I think you misunderstand the term "pile in". Additionally your post was archetypal emotional blackmail, which is far worse than outright scolding.

I have sons. If they marry or partner up it won't be their partners' faults if my own offspring don't want to phone me any more than it'll be my DD's partners fault if she doesn't.

My DH is actually in closer contact with his family of origin than I am, because he, his dad, his two unmarried brothers (MIL passed away two years ago) and our older children have a WhatsApp group. They only speak on the phone if a complex problem needs addressing urgently though, which happens extremely rarely. FIL is elderly in years but extremely physically fit and active and not sitting sadly at home - in fact he's rarely there.

When MIL was alive the children called her themselves - I facilitated that when they were too small to do it themselves if I was looking after them and DH wasn't, but I had no reason to call her on my own account. During her short terminal illness we of course saw her a lot, though unfortunately she became unable to use the phone very soon after diagnosis.

If your son was gay, would you expect his male partner/ husband to call you?

I probably speak to my MIL once or twice a week, occasionally more often if either of the DC are ill. DH has called her almost every day since his dad died 10 years ago. She lives locally so we see her most weeks too.

By comparison i speak to my own mum every other day and see her every week.

If your son was gay, would you expect his male partner/ husband to call you

Ooh that is a really interesting point!
I don't have anyone close enough that I'd feel comfortable asking this in real life... But is wifework generally a problem in same sex couples too? (The mental load)

And if not, why not?

I'd love to hear more on that if any posters have anecdotal data, albeit I realise it's a slight derail of the thread intension, sorry!