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Original poster

How often do people call their MIL?

341 replies

Geneva1995 · 18/10/2019 18:26

Just wondering how often people speak to their MIL on the phone. I speak to my mum every other day but I don’t feel the need to ring mil half as much and DP seems to think I’m unfair.
She rang last night and I missed her call so she rang DP and asked if she’d done something to upset me. I was in the shower!

We live 300 miles away so we don’t either of our parents often

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 20/10/2019 00:14

DH calls her loads. Me, never. I sometimes wave hello if I'm in the background of a video call.

Notajogger · 20/10/2019 00:28

Never. Just like he never phones my mother! Totally ridiculous of him to expect you to do so. His family, his problem.

Heartburn888 · 20/10/2019 00:36

I ring mine every time I have a slight inconvenience or if I want to have a moan and she does the same for me.

Not particularly close with my own mother so it’s nice to have a motherly bond with my partners mum and she shows an interest in me and vice versa which is nice

Pandaintheporridge · 20/10/2019 00:39

My dm is dead and I massively miss the regular calls to her to chat about the dc and daily life. Mil is the only other person who would theoretically be as interested (not about my life definitely, but the dgc!) but it seems a bit obvious if I started phoning her now for a chat when I haven't for the last 20 years.

MordredsOrrery · 20/10/2019 01:01

I call my DM and DDad multiple times a week. I never call DMIL.

DH doesn't call any of them.

Whilst I like DMIL we're are very different so I think forced regular 1:1 conversation would end badly all round. This easy everyone remains on cordial terms.

Elbowedout · 20/10/2019 01:36

@Helendee I believe that passing the phone to a child is actually within the average man's skill set. Why on earth would it be the mother's job to ensure that children speak to their paternal grandparents? Mine are all teenagers or young adults and call their grandparents independently, but when they were little my husband used to put them on the phone when he was talking to his parents. No input was or is required from me.
It really is bizarre to assume that if a DIL doesn't have a chatty kind of relationship with her MIL then nobody else in the family speaks either.

Helendee · 20/10/2019 01:41

Elbowed our

It is also more than a little bizarre to assume that a DIL cannot make the very small effort of allowing her child to talk to its grandparent on the phone occasionally.
Not a big ask really!

Apolloanddaphne · 20/10/2019 01:50

I have never called my IL's. We have been married 34 years. My DH only rarely calls my DM and it is usually to ask her a specific question.

Elbowedout · 20/10/2019 02:19

@Helendee yes that is a strange assumption. And it is you that is making it.
Who has said they don't "allow" their children to speak to their grandparents? I haven't seen a single person on this thread say that they interfere with any other family member speaking to their MIL.
Why do you think that women are the communications gatekeepers in every family? Most people are quite capable of allowing their children to have relationships with their GPs that are independent of their own. I don't think my husband ever had cause to phone my late mother - would you assume that that meant our children never spoke with her? If not, what is the difference?

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 20/10/2019 02:23

Maybe weekly, sometimes every 2-3 weeks. We don't always particularly get on, but were family and I think were both trying to keep communication open

That's easily double what he has to do with his mum, and tenfold what effort he puts in with my dad.

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 20/10/2019 02:37

@helendee why does the relationship with the GPs fall into anyone's remit for organisation?
Many kids have access to some sort of device that can make calls/send messages.
My DD independently deals with her grandparents, at different times and for different reasons. I've always felt that it was important to allow her to foster her own relationships with the rest of the family without me forcing it.

PhilCornwall1 · 20/10/2019 07:12

Never in 20 years

fiorentina · 20/10/2019 08:19

Never. When she rings I will speak to her if DH is out but she doesn’t understand the art of a two way conversation - only talks about herself, so I don’t encourage the DC to speak to her either, which is a shame.

Anothernotherone · 20/10/2019 08:32

Helendee what on earth are you talking about? Unless the child's father is dead your point is way off the mark, especially your strange choice of the word "allow" where you clearly mean "take responsibility for facilitating".

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 08:40

@Helendee

Agatha
Not different at all, I was referring to young children not yet old enough to make phone calls unassisted; therefore a parent would have to do it for them!

Well then you don't mean "don't you LET your dcs call their grandparents... oh what a shaaaaame" Hmm.

My dcs don't phone anyone, as they're too little. But when they're older I'm sure they will, especially if MIL ever retires and has more time on her hands. But that is not me calling MIL for a chat is it? It's her GC calling her, with me facilitating the call. If you genuinely don't see the difference or are going to keep pretending to to add weight to your completely irrelevant point, I can't really help you.

aweedropofsancerre · 20/10/2019 08:51

Helendee my DH is more than capable of passing a phone to his DC. However his relationship with his parents involves only him. They can spend and hour on the phone and merely ask him how the DC are. The DC speak to them on birthdays, xmas. I have no doubt however that they are the type who would blame me for there lack of engagement as they would see it as ‘wifework’. My DD is a teenager and there remains no communication despite numbers being shared. Not sure why a grandparent is unable to call there own grandchildren? We are all adults surely.

KatharinaRosalie · 20/10/2019 09:00

Don’t any of you allow your children to talk to their paternal grandparents on the phone?!

DH does not call my parents for random chats. Would you ask my DH why he does not 'allow' the DC to talk to their maternal grandparents?

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 09:03

DH does not call my parents for random chats. Would you ask my DH why he does not 'allow' the DC to talk to their maternal grandparents?

Omg so true. Can you imagine? My DH calling my dad for a cosy chat? Or some random older man saying what a terrible shaaaaaame it is that hmy DH doesn't call my dad so my toddler can tell him "dog" 😂😂😂😂.

Nope. This is another thing that women expect women to do and men don't have to. They're busy doing man stuff you see.

Helendee · 20/10/2019 09:22

I seem to be unusual in the fact that I don’t mind doing ‘wife work’ and am perfectly happy for my DH to do ‘husband work’ should such a term exist.
Does it really matter who picks up the phone so a little one can thank granny for a birthday present or to tell her that their tooth just fell out?
Families just muck in together and support each other don’t they?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/10/2019 09:25

Never. She rings DH regularly (on his mobile, we got rid of our landline as never used it) and he'll pass the phone to the DC so they can chat. It wouldn't occur to me to ring MIL if I needed to tell/ask her something specific and even then I'd probably just say to DH "can you call/text your Mum to let her know about X please". I wouldn't expect my DH to randomly call my DP's up for chats so why should it be any different the other way around?

G5000 · 20/10/2019 09:25

If it really does not matter and you all muck in, then your DH is just as likely to call your parents with those messages, not to mention his own, right?

Helendee · 20/10/2019 09:31

G500

My kids are all in their thirties and parents sadly long deceased but yes, when they were little my ex husband often called my parents, we were all very close.
As for his own parents? He was brought up in care.

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 09:33

If it really does not matter and you all muck in, then your DH is just as likely to call your parents with those messages, not to mention his own, right?

EXACTLY! Ahem. Scuse caps.

But yes, if you all muck in and who really cares, why are you jumping in to the thread to say what a shaaaame it is that you naughty wives aren't ALLOWING your dcs to phone dear old granny? Why do you hate granny so? Ugh.

Look, I love my MIL. She is a very cool woman, with a life and a job. She isn't waiting by the phone for me to call her. If my dcs want to phone her, when they're old enough to hold a conversation, of course I'll help them do that, but neither she nor I want a cosy chat with just the two of us WHICH IS WHAT THIS THREAD IS ACTUALLY ABOUT. Ahem. Scuse caps again. But the people (wilfully?) misunderstanding the thread so they can preach at other women is really a little irksome.

G5000 · 20/10/2019 09:34

Helen you know what I mean. Who is currently making all the phone calls so your grandchildren can talk to you? I will be quite surprised if you say it's your respective sons in law.

RJnomore1 · 20/10/2019 09:36

People call their MIL?

I texted mine October 2018, sure she will respond any day now.