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Original poster

How often do people call their MIL?

341 replies

Geneva1995 · 18/10/2019 18:26

Just wondering how often people speak to their MIL on the phone. I speak to my mum every other day but I don’t feel the need to ring mil half as much and DP seems to think I’m unfair.
She rang last night and I missed her call so she rang DP and asked if she’d done something to upset me. I was in the shower!

We live 300 miles away so we don’t either of our parents often

OP posts:
Blueoasis · 20/10/2019 09:36

Never. I always wonder if I should as she is lovely, but she lives about 10 mins away so it seems pointless to call when we could just pop round which we do once a month usually.

MsAwesomeDragon · 20/10/2019 09:49

I've phoned mil exactly once. She had asked me to help her with a specific problem (I'm not sure why I was deemed more qualified than dh for that problem, but I was). So I had to phone her as I was working on it to ask for more information.

Other than that, it's dh's responsibility to contact his mum, and my responsibility to contact my parents. That does mean we have more contact with my parents, but so be it, he's just as capable of using a phone as I am. I do have her number (I'm not sure dh has my parents phone number, I might need to check that), and obviously in an emergency I would ring her to let her know what's happened. We've not had an emergency yet that affects dh's ability to contact her though, and we've been together 14 years.

StCharlotte · 20/10/2019 09:49

My fiercely independent MIL lives alone and following a health scare, the family set up a rota so that someone phones her every day - she doesn't know about it! In our house it's usually DH but I'm happy to call if he's busy on one of "our" days.

She's also taken to calling on a Saturday when she knows DH is out at football so it's nice to know she's calling to speak to me (no DC).

My mum died when DH and I first got together but he loves a natter so I'm pretty sure he would have rung her for a chat from time to time.

Indie139 · 20/10/2019 09:49

I dont have a mil but if i did id probably rarely call. My colleague speaks to hers everyday, usually via video call on her lunchbreak

Helendee · 20/10/2019 09:52

G500

I only have one son-in-law and yes he often gets the girls to phone me, usually FaceTime. Only one of my sons currently has children and my DDIL often calls me so that the children can tell me something and I often call her. Family.

0lga · 20/10/2019 09:56

I just checked with my husband and he says he’s only called his MIL once and that was to let her know that DS was born ( I was in recovery ).

He says she’s never called him once.

I never call my sons in law either. I didn’t even know this was A Thing.

Differentcorner · 20/10/2019 10:00

I love my MIL dearly and so we speak fairly often. We have plenty to talk about as she is actually an important part of our family and we have an interest in how each other are doing. Maybe unmumsnetty but she is, although very different to my own Mum, a great source of support and one of the very few people in this world who loves me, my husband and our children unconditionally. We genuinely enjoy each other’s company and go out together and I’ve been on holiday with her. Why is there such a current of intolerance and resentment? What does it teach our children about how to care for others if we treat them this way. Of course there may be very real and justified reasons for having distance from family members too. I know I am VERY lucky to have her

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 10:15

my DDIL often calls me so that the children can tell me something and I often call her. Family.

Yes, and not all families are the same. Family Smile.

I love my MIL. I think she loves me too. But she just would not phone me for a cosy chat and I wouldn't phone her either. Are you really so thick headed @Helendee, that you can't accept that a family might still love each other but not use the same forms of communication as you do? And if they aren't exactly the same as you, it's all a terrible shaaame and not. Family.

There is no resentment or intolerance either different. See above.

This isn't about hating MILs, or not being. Family Smile. It's simply about the OP's dh telling her off for not doing what he wants her to re HIS mother. And handmaidens posters like @Helendee and Troilus are backing him up. Ffs Angry. Doesn't that make you annoyed?

I love my MIL and I love our relationship. If DH moaned at me for not calling her, I would be annoyed with HIM, not my MIL, who I love.

0lga · 20/10/2019 10:18

That’s a very unkind thing to say @DifferentCorner. I don’t think my husband has “ a current of intolerance and resentment “ because he doesn’t call his MIL.

What do you mean about what he’s teaching His children about how to care for others ?

Why would you say such a nasty thing about him ?

averythinline · 20/10/2019 10:23

I have never in 20 yrs of marriage phoned my MIL....it wouldnt cross my mind to...they have always lived 250miles plus away

the only time dh has phoned my mum was to let her know ds born and we ok but staying in hospital for a night so not to come up ... he would never otehrwise think to...

coconutpie · 20/10/2019 10:31

Never. If your MIL is harping on to your DP about this tell him to tell her that she is not your mum and he doesn't go ringing your mum for chats.

bubblesforlife · 20/10/2019 10:41

I’m a newlywed. This thread has made me feel so much better about I can appropriately approach communications with my MIL! Never was my ideal plan Grin

KatharinaRosalie · 20/10/2019 11:26

Of course there may be very real and justified reasons for having distance from family members

Just because I don't call MIL or DH doesn't call my mum does not mean they are some horrible witches and we're all NC. I call my mum, DH calls his. No distance.

Helendee · 20/10/2019 11:56

Oh Agatha you are full of joy aren’t you!
I guess I must be ‘thick-headed’ and a ‘hand maid’ if you say I am, given your obvious superiority. 😉

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 11:57

Thanks @Helendee. Glad we got that sorted Smile. Family.

Anothernotherone · 20/10/2019 12:00

There's something incredibly disingenuous, deliberately obtuse and dare I say it goady in the digs three posters are making about not phoning your husband's mother regularly indicating a difficult and disfunctional family dynamic.

The pretention of sympathy for posters based on this pretended assumption, despite the fact that almost universally posters have written a variation on the theme of "I love my mil and we get on well when we see one another but she's DH's mum so he phones her" is bordering on unpleasant.

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 12:03

YY anotherone.

But we don't have Family you see. Wouldn't know anything about Family. Family. Hmm

Helendee · 20/10/2019 12:08

You inherit family when you marry into it.

Anothernotherone · 20/10/2019 12:08

AgathaTheAardvark my MIL (who I got on well wit, spent every Christmas for ten years with and trusted with my children above my own mother for valid reasons but didn't phone for chats) is dead. This makes it difficult to mend my insufficiently Family ways. She is very much missed but not due to any need to chat to her on the phone. Family.

Anothernotherone · 20/10/2019 12:11

The unintended lasting result of this thread may be a deep and lasting gratitude that most of us didn't "inherit" Helendee ...

AgathaTheAardvark · 20/10/2019 12:14

😂😂😂

I've never been more grateful for my amazing cool MIL, who I love. Family. Family. Family.

Helendee · 20/10/2019 12:19

Another...
But I’m lovely! You can only dream you inherited me. 😁

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/10/2019 12:21

I don't call anyone.

Anothernotherone · 20/10/2019 12:22

This is descending into the stuff of nightmares...

PrincessHoneysuckle · 20/10/2019 12:23

Rarely.Ill tag her in fb things to do with ds and we comment on each others fb stuff but that's it