To ask you how much your DH/DP really does around the house?

[Pammync]

I’ve been reading with interest the recent threads about “man child” husbands who contribute very little inside and outside of the home. More than anything, I was surprised to see how many people don’t seem to think this is the norm and claim to have wonderful partners/husbands who contribute equal amounts to chores or even do the majority around the house! Where on earth do people find these miracle men?! I’ve been married twice (now divorced) and have had numerous LT relationships over the years. Every single man I have ever been with has been pretty much useless and reluctant to do anything without being nagged and even then it’s never to a good standard. Friends and family members who are married or in relationships all have had the same experience and consider it to be the norm.

Over the last few years I’ve remained single, resigning myself to the fact that men who are clean and tidy, want to proactively contribute to a clean household and share the load when it comes to chores in general simply don’t exist and I’m not suited to being in a relationship.

Reading through the hundreds of posts claiming that such behaviour isn’t the norm, I’m genuinely interested to hear what IS now the norm in your relationships re who does what around the house and how you share the load in general? If things have really changed I better get dating again.

Hmm he’ll stick a wash on and load/unload the dishwasher. But I don’t think he’s ever cleaned the bathroom in the four years we’ve lived in our house.

On the flip side, we have a big garden that needs a lot of attention and he single-handedly looks after that. I have never used our lawnmower or even weeded our patio, that’s all him. He also does most of the DIY.

So I reckon on balance it’s pretty even.

I’m a sahm with a 3 yr old and a new born so I do the majority of stuff but DH

• empties the dishwasher
• puts away all the washing
• makes dinner a couple of times a week
• baths and puts the 3 year old to bed
• bins
• cleans the kitchen after dinner
• puts away the food delivery

We have a cleaner come once a week.

Mine is messier than me so I tidy up a lot, he does the shopping, cooking, washing and ironing. We split dishwasher. I do more bins and recycling than he does but he does some.

Pretty much nothing. He pays for a cleaner twice a week out of his own personal spending money. I am ok with this.

Oh we do have a cleaner as we both work full time.

DH works long hours, but does his share in the house. Takes dd to nursery, general tides up after himself, and give the house a tidy when needed.
At the weekend he spends time with dd so I can have a lie in. I probably do more because I'm at home all day.

I'm a sahm so I do all the cooking and cleaning. Even DH's laundry. But before I was a sahm I still did it all. I had to clean the bathroom when I was 8 months pregnant. If dh does anything it's never to a good standard. I asked him to clean the bathroom sink once and he just wiped it down with toilet paper. The couple of times I have asked him to do the dishes there was still bits of egg of the wooden spoons.
I honestly feel like the house maid at times.
Sure he has done good qualities but how f*ing hard is it to do some dishes properly.

My DH does a lot. Washing, ironing, cleaning... he doesn't cook though. He has always been really tidy even before I met him. So I just let him carry on! Obviously I do jobs too - but he does a lot. Maybe one of the reasons why I married him?...

Occasional wash of his own clothes.
Occasionally does the dishwasher.
Occasionally "tidies" kitchen.

Basically fuck all.

I'm seriously considering splitting up. Kids are old enough now to not need another parent around for childcare. I don't know what is holding me back.

He takes the bins and recycling out, that is the only thing he does

Me and my DP work full time and have a 4 year old. He does all the ironing and vacuuming because I hate it and refuse to do it but I'll do dinners and general tidying/ washing. He also will just take the child and do things because he wants to be with her so I get a good enough break and then I'll repay the favour because he was good to me

We both understand the pressures and he's very understanding

I work full-time and my husband works part time so he does all the cleaning.

I put a wash on, iron and we share cooking/washing the dishes but that's about it. I'm very lucky that he enjoys cleaning and doesn't find it a chore.

I'm a SAHP, so he does sweet fanny adams.

However, he likes to cook, and I don't, so he often cooks, or finishes off and plates up.

And he's more than capable at doing anything and everything that needs doing, and more than happy to do it. If he sees something that needs doing, he does it, and doesn't need a ticker tape parade. He also doesn't suffer from domestic blindness. He doesn't see housework, etc as 'my work', which I appreciate.

For example, today I'm crook, so he's taken the wash out and put it out to dry. He's taken the daughter to her medical appointment, and will take her to riding tonight. He'll cook tea. I am deeply appreciative!

He's at least as involved with the kids as I am. When he's here.

At least 50% (probably a lot more to be honest) of the washing up, laundry, hoovering, and general cleaning. Plus most of the DIY. He loves to be busy doing jobs. The reason he does more than me is that he makes jobs for himself and finds things to do. He doesn’t like being idle! I do most of the cooking as I prefer it. He used to do a lot of the jobs whilst I was putting the baby to bed. We do alternate nights now so the jobs are split more evenly.

About half. But I'm a feminist and would walk away quickly if any new boyfriend was showing sexist and/or man-child tendencies.

I haven't done dishes since I moved in with him 10 years ago. He keeps the kitchen clean/tidy, I do the main living room. He does his own laundry, I do mine& the kids. I do groceries/ kids related admin but he would do all outside work. I get kids school stuff ready the night before & in morning while I'm showering/dressing he gets them breakfast & gets them dressed. I do 90% of cooking but that's because I love cooking. And if he had his way we'd have pies or curry daily. He takes care of anything car related. I think we are pretty even....we do have a cleaner though so that lightens the load.

My dh (when he's not working away) will hoover every day, clean the floors every day, tidy the kitchen, cleans bathrooms at least once per week, puts about 5 washes on a week, does bins, tidy garden, any diy, fills or empties dishwasher every day. Even when he worked at home he still did this so it's not that he's trying to make up for being away.

I do all the cooking/ shopping/ general cleaning/ beds/ most childcare/ mental workload etc and of course when he's away for a few weeks at a time I do all that he does only to a lesser extent. We both work full time.

Absolutely nothing. And then he moans when I spend one day out of the weekend tidying, batch cooking and washing.

He doesn't do any cooking or cleaning or laundry. But then I don't expect him to. Monday to Friday he's out of the house working from 5.30 am - 7.30 pm whereas I don't work. At weekends he goes with DS to his sports clubs and does all the jobs I can't do eg shopping, lawnmowing, DIY.

Overall I get way more downtime than he does but he's fine with that as he knows I do what I can (I'm disabled). I know he worries that he doesn't do enough.

My OH does more than I do because he has more time and his work is more flexible. Why wouldn't he?

Tricky one as he does three jobs and I have more flex with my job. However he does a lot of picking up and dropping off the kids. He deals with the car, front and back garden and there both a lot of work. He helps the older kids with their homework, specifically maths and sciences. He is fantastic at doing room clear outs. He has sorted out all the DC rooms, fitted all there wardrobes and made sure everything has its space. Did the same with the basement and attic, He even reupholstered a antique chair! I do tend to do more of the cleaning of the house and I cook as I enjoy it. However i think we have an even split, its not always about housework...

When the dc were young dh did a lot of cleaning and ironing. However, I did most of the cooking
Now the dc are older, he delegates the cleaning and ironing

I grew up with my mum doing ALL of the work and I knew I would never let that happen to me. My H does at least 50% of all the household duties! The mental load comes down to me such a remembering what the children need to take places etc but if I tell him what do to he does it! In fact, last night he got up with DD2 from 4am and still went to work for 7am as I was just exhausted!

My husband generally does more around the house than me. Up until recently we've both worked full time, me working Twilight shifts and caring for our toddler during the day. I have a mild disability and am currently heavily pregnant.

Up until I recently started my maternity leave he did the majority of the cooking, made mine and my daughter's lunches for the next day, all the washing up, majority of the washing, hoovered downstairs and the stairs, steam cleans or mops the floors, cleans the oven, cleans the couch and poo picks the garden. He also takes the dog for a walk round the block in the morning before work

I would do lighter tasks like using the little hoover, polishing, changing and making the beds, putting clothes away, general tidying, cleaning the table, tidying our daughter's room and I normally clean the bathroom and he does the loo for me. I also do the 'big' dog walk

Now I'm on maternity he doesn't do our lunches and I tend to do more of the cooking and washing up and laundry, but he still does some.

@LionsTigersAndBearsAndPandas
@SingingSands

Ah yes, you’ve both described my two ex husbands and pretty much every other man I’ve been in a relationship with. It’s a nightmare and reminds me why I’m glad to be single. Where are all these superhero husbands found?!