To ask you how much your DH/DP really does around the house?

[Pammync]

I’ve been reading with interest the recent threads about “man child” husbands who contribute very little inside and outside of the home. More than anything, I was surprised to see how many people don’t seem to think this is the norm and claim to have wonderful partners/husbands who contribute equal amounts to chores or even do the majority around the house! Where on earth do people find these miracle men?! I’ve been married twice (now divorced) and have had numerous LT relationships over the years. Every single man I have ever been with has been pretty much useless and reluctant to do anything without being nagged and even then it’s never to a good standard. Friends and family members who are married or in relationships all have had the same experience and consider it to be the norm.

Over the last few years I’ve remained single, resigning myself to the fact that men who are clean and tidy, want to proactively contribute to a clean household and share the load when it comes to chores in general simply don’t exist and I’m not suited to being in a relationship.

Reading through the hundreds of posts claiming that such behaviour isn’t the norm, I’m genuinely interested to hear what IS now the norm in your relationships re who does what around the house and how you share the load in general? If things have really changed I better get dating again.

We share because I find it all overwhelming

See you're making it sound like he's doing you a favour there, NO! You share because he LIVES THERE TOO!! (sorry for the shouting)

i do...

• half of all washing (and that includes sorting loads, loading/unloading washer/dryer, hanging out wet washing, sorting dry washing and putting away)

• less than a quarter of ironing - i'd be happy to do more, but i'm really slow (like to do it carefully), and it frustrates DW, so she does by far the majority - this is absolutely her choice though

• half the evening meals on weekdays (whoever cooks, the other one sorts the kitchen after)

• almost always cook saturday family tea and sunday roasts (i like cooking, DW cooks to survive)

• breakfast for everyone and emptying the dishwasher while DW gets ready each morning, then we swap - she comes down and sorts bags/shoes people out the door while i get ready (at weekends, i bring her tea up in bed, and she sorts herself out while me and DS2 go to football)

• less than half of cleaning/dusting/hoovering (DW tends to do this Sat mornings when we're at football), but i'd say i do the bathrooms about a third of the time

• all the bins/recycling

• all bills/paperwork

• cards/presents for my family (non-family presents/cards are generally done by whoever's doing the shopping)

• weekly shop is usually done together at the weekend, and extras in the week we both get

my parents involved me and DSis with housework pretty much from secondary school onwards - had to wash/iron our own uniform, make at least 1 meal a week for the rest of the family

2 housemates at uni were both equally capable, so it just became a habit

DH deals with most of the day to day household tasks now. I have a chronic illness which I can usually manage to a reasonable extent, but it’s kicking my butt right now due to spinal problems that I’m awaiting surgery for. He is naturally very tidy and organised; I’m messy and have to fight my perpetual tendencies towards organised chaos.

Does he recognise that certain “deep cleaning” tasks need doing before they get out of hand? No.

Does he need to be reminded where different cleaning products and implements live in the house? Yes.

Does he do tasks to the same standard I would if I was capable of doing them? Also no.

But honestly, what does it matter? We work as a team to get shit done, if that means that I’m essentially the foreman of the operation then so be it. I do take the mental load of pretty much everything because it’s something I can do. He does the vast majority of the physical work under instruction because it’s what’s works for us; his only household related mental tasks are negotiating the car insurance and the virgin media once a year;

I can’t carry the washing downstairs, but I can sit on a cushion in the kitchen and separate it accordingly for washing so nobody goes to work in an off-White or pink tinged shirt. We sort food shopping together but he invariably writes up most of the shopping list whilst checking the fridge etc to see what we need to top up. I have various gadgets and machines in the kitchen to help me food prep on a weekend because I like to do it so in the week it’s heating the main, and cooking various sides. But if I’d essentially bed bound he’s perfectly capable of concocting a meal that hasn’t been sponsored by Birds Eye or McCain.

We both work FT although my hours are shorter.

We have a cleaner once a week.

I do:

All the washing unless I ask him to put a wash on if I’m out, or if he starts realising he’s run out of clean shirts
All the food shopping and 95% cooking
The dishwasher probably 90% of the time
All general tidying and sorting, and cleaning in between times. If the cleaner isn’t in one week I will do the bathrooms etc
Clean the kitchen (surfaces etc) every day
Pay all the bills
Do all kids’ school admin
Do all car admin (parking permit, insurance, MOT etc) he fills up with oil
All the birthday/Christmas shopping
Etc

He does
A tiny bit of cooking. And the bins. that’s it.

Oh and he irons his work shirts