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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overreacting?

138 replies

Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 22:07

Help! Am I overreacting? I found out my husband had became friends with a female coworker. He was texting her daily. A lot about work stuff as she was new. Either way they became friends and we having no work related texts as well! He never went anyplace with her only texting but I am so mad. He didn’t hide it from me but he didn’t tell me until I asked who he was texting 2 weeks later! He did stop texting her when I said I don’t like the amount of texts but I am so mad. He swears they were just friends. I never got to see any of the messages. I asked him to remove her contact and he removed the messages as well. He told me he would text her and tell her they cannot text like this anymore. He then deleted the message but I was the one who told him to get her off his phone. But, i did get to see her response back to him. It said “I told you to be honest with her from the beginning have a good weekend”. That’s all it said. I am so mad. Should I be mad? Should I be happy he stopped talking to her and move on? We have been together for 17 years. This has never happened before. So lost!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 22:22

He also still brings me to his work functions where she is. Maybe he doesn’t care if I am around her because he has nothing to hide? 🤔

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 15/10/2019 22:33

How old is she?

Perhaps it was just an ego boost for him.

Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 22:39

He is 40. He has never done this before. She is 30!

OP posts:
Bluerussian · 15/10/2019 22:44

You are so mad (but funny with it)!

Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 22:56

So do you think I am overreacting?

OP posts:
SprinkleDash · 15/10/2019 23:03

You’re absolutely overreacting! How completely embarrassing for your DH! I’d be totally mortified if I were him!

You clearly don’t trust him so why are you with him??

limpylegs · 15/10/2019 23:05

That's such a strange message back from her. Although she was telling him to be honest which makes me think that she wanted him to reassure you that they were friends?

I don't know if I would feel angry. I would feel compelled to find out what was being discussed for sure.

Singlenotsingle · 15/10/2019 23:06

I don't think you're overreacting at all. I wouldn't be happy either. You've probably nipped it in the bud before it goes any further.

springydaff · 15/10/2019 23:06

Sprinkle 🙄

I wouldn't like this either. Your not overreacting at all.

paige789 · 15/10/2019 23:07

You a definitely overreacting and acting like a psycho.

springydaff · 15/10/2019 23:07

That's a predictive 'your' to cover my back

Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 23:09

And there is no way for me to find out. He says they talked about work and her boyfriend and kid and his family. And he says he did nothing wrong other than maybe talk to her a little to much. I know I should trust him after all these years. 17 years and this is the first issue I have had with another woman. Maybe I am in the wrong. I don’t know. If he wasn’t hiding it why wait 2 weeks to tell me. He also did refer her to use my business for one of her needs. So maybe he wouldn’t have given her my website if he was trying g to hide something from me... it’s just bothering me soooo much!

OP posts:
limpylegs · 15/10/2019 23:16

See I would think the other way... He didnt have anything to tell you and didnt think it was a big deal so didn't think to mention it. I think that's a good sign.
It's also a GREAT sign if he recommended you as a business contact.
I honestly wouldn't worry OP but have a chat with him and just let him know that you feel a little vulnerable and need some reassurance. It will help put these feelings to the back of your mind.

Rachie1973 · 15/10/2019 23:24

Huge over reaction. How embarrassing

slashlover · 15/10/2019 23:32

How would you feel if your DH forbid you from having a male friend and forced you to delete his number?

Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 23:34

I wouldn’t do that. I believe having friends of the opposite sex is just looking for trouble.

OP posts:
Zebraaa · 15/10/2019 23:37

I would have agreed with you... until that last comment OP. Some of my best friends are male! Purely platonic friendships!

wifesupremacist · 15/10/2019 23:39

I wouldn’t do that. I believe having friends of the opposite sex is just looking for trouble

I don't want to sound patronising but every time I read this it's just so desperately sad

Imagine closing yourself off from half the planet's population because you can't trust yourself

slashlover · 15/10/2019 23:42

I wouldn’t do that. I believe having friends of the opposite sex is just looking for trouble.

So it's acceptable to control your DHs choice of friends because you can't trust yourself? Do you think that if you were friends with a man then you'd not be able to stop yourself?

slashlover · 15/10/2019 23:44

Also, does that mean gay people can ONLY have friends of the opposite sex and bisexual people can't have any friends at all?

Chloemol · 15/10/2019 23:44

How sad that you don’t agree in having friends of the opposite sex. To me you sound possessive and controlling, so yes you are being unreasonable

Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 23:45

I have no interest in anyone other than my husband. But I know he wood not like me texting some guy 30-40 times a day for weeks.

OP posts:
Travis1 · 15/10/2019 23:47

Your poor husband Jesus. You are overreacting so much it’s scary.

Original poster
Kolbilynn33 · 15/10/2019 23:48

Now what if you heard him tell his friend how hot she is? Would that make a difference in you allowing the friendship to continue?

OP posts:
SunshineAngel · 15/10/2019 23:50

This is why I hate social media and tech, to a certain extent. It's too easy for people to chat, and it's easy to chat a lot. I can sometimes get into a conversation with someone and still be chatting to them quite a number of messages later. Does it mean I want to leave my partner and be with them, or do anything sexual with them in any way? No.

You don't trust him.

When she said she told him to be truthful from the beginning, he probably said he was worried about what you'd say, and she most likely told him to just tell you they were texting - because why hide something that's innocent? But then again I see why he might, as this is how you react.

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