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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unimpressed with this date offer

244 replies

BooFuckingHoo2 · 14/10/2019 11:28

I’ve been chatting to a guy from OLD and he’s asked me on a date, all well and good. I’d assumed he’d want to go for a drink/coffee or at a push food/some form of activity but instead he’s suggested we go for a dog walk (I have dogs).

I can’t help feel really odd that he’s suggesting meeting at my local park for a walk for the first date and I can’t put my finger on why! I suppose maybe I think that if he’s asked to take me out he should at least take me for a drink? (Note: I would be happy going halves).

Also I love walking my dog but it’s something I much prefer to do alone, looking a mess Grin.

Am I being a spoilt bitch?

OP posts:
Mummaofmytribe · 15/10/2019 07:35

You have a funny feeling about it. Always go with funny feelings IME.
And then I read he's not bringing his own dog on a dog walk. Yeah, nah.
Either a problem dog or he thinks it'll be an encumbrance to coming back to your place.
If he was enthusiastically wondering if your dogs would get along that would give it a whole different vibe.

Beautiful3 · 15/10/2019 07:46

My friend was going on so many dates, it was costing so much money. She started suggesting meeting up for walks instead of meals/drinks. Could be that?

BatshitCrazyWoman · 15/10/2019 08:00

I don't think there's anything that odd about it if you both have dogs and it's pleasant weather. You do have a right to suggest something else though. He's not bringing his dog Hmm And it's been raining for days!

I don't have a dog, but my very first OLD suggested a walk in a (busy, popular) local park, then a drink in a cafe. I thought it woukd be nice. It was abandoned for just the cafe as it was February, freezing and horizontal rain 😂

I don't drink much and after an awful date involving dinner, stuck to meeting in cafes for a cup of tea for first OLD. Have been with someone for over six months now and we often go back to that cafe.

Beveren · 15/10/2019 08:11

Blind dates should always be in a public place surrounded by plenty of people. Depends on the park. Hyde Park, fine. Richmond Park, not so much.

Have you been in Richmond Park lately? It's seething with cyclists, dog walkers and park runners.

AmIThough · 15/10/2019 08:31

I've completely changed my mind now that you've said he doesn't have a dog. That's just weird...

Trust your instincts.

ShetlandWife · 15/10/2019 09:52

To those asking yes he does have a dog

She didn't say he doesn't have a dog. She said he isn't bringing it.

EarlGreyT · 15/10/2019 10:22

I can’t help feel really odd that he’s suggesting meeting at my local park for a walk for the first date and I can’t put my finger on why!

Trust your gut instinct. It’s there for a reason.

I think the reason you might feel uncomfortable is because it feels unbalanced. He is attempting to get close to you/your space without really giving away anything about himself and he could be anyone. You’re going to your local park (so if you don’t get on he also knows roughly where you live) with your dog, but he is not bringing his which is strange. It would probably feel less odd if you met somewhere more neutral and you both brought your dogs.

Vanhi · 15/10/2019 10:50

It's really fucking weird that he's not bringing his own dog. I reckon it's because he's hoping to go back to the ops place after but maybe I'm just cynical?

I'm just cynical enough to wonder if he has a dog at all. However, I don't see why not bringing one = hoping to go back to the OP's place. If he'd brought the dog along and the two dogs were getting on fine, its presence wouldn't stop him going home with her. On the other hand, not taking it means he's time limited because he'll have to go back for it. It's actually, from his point of view, the perfect time out excuse if things aren't going well. "Sorry, must go, Fido's been on his own for 2 hours now. God knows what he'll have shredded. You know what it's like. It's been fun. Bye".

Butchyrestingface · 15/10/2019 11:24

To those asking yes he does have a dog but he hasn’t offered to bring it Confused

Sensible chap. Parents are constantly exhorted not to introduce potential/new partners to their little cherubs until the relationship is firmly established. Your date is probably a Mumsnetter.

Seriously, though, the hills are that way. ➝ ➝ ➝

Bluntness100 · 15/10/2019 11:34

If I'm honest I'd assume he doesn't wish to spend any money or make too much effort, this is a quick easy way to check you out and decide if he wants to see you again, without having to put his hand in his pocket or dress nicely.

Ariadnepersephonecloud · 15/10/2019 11:51

Sounds good to me, but I usually know very quickly if I have chemistry with someone so this would save me time, money and effort. That said if you don't want to just tell him no, you'd rather meet up somewhere for drinks. If he doesn't respond well then move on.

BoringUserName00 · 15/10/2019 12:01

In some ways I think it is a nice idea as a walk with the dogs sounds a less pressured way of getting to know each other and more relaxing. However, thinking about it , walking in a park with someone you don't know might not be a safe idea. Also, scooping up and carrying dog shit in front of him on a first date doesn't sound very romantic to me 😁

Vanhi · 15/10/2019 12:01

I'm so glad I didn't decide my DP was a cheapskate weirdo only interested in a quick shag when he suggested a walk for our first date. He's kind, generous, quirky and definitely wasn't just after sex. True he doesn't like dressing up much but he's clean and tidy, and walking gives you a really fit body, which is more important to me than the ability to wear a suit. Of course, wanting a fit body may break various MN rules and may make me shallow, but there we go. We're all different.

CampingItUp · 15/10/2019 12:21

“You want a bit of creativity and dressing up for first date no?*

I agree - I know he doesn’t know me very well at all but I was hoping he’d have grasped I’m more of a dress up and go out girl than yomping round the park in my anorak! “

Well there you are. You are not suited. So either act like a grown up and suggest coffee instead “in case of the weather “ or walk away and let him find someone less princessy.

MMadness · 15/10/2019 12:27

I'd be all for it.

My dog is a better judge of people than me. Lol.

Butchyrestingface · 15/10/2019 12:32

Well there you are. You are not suited. So either act like a grown up and suggest coffee instead “in case of the weather “ or walk away and let him find someone less princessy

Why would dressing up and going out make her “princessy”? Confused

Disclaimer: I am more of a dragged through a hedge backwards type of girl myself.

CampingItUp · 15/10/2019 12:52

Personally I do find it princessy to criticise a choice of date because you prefer to be seen in attire unsuitable for a walk in a park, while at the same time sitting back complaining and waiting for him to get it right rather than making your own suggestion.

Interestedwoman · 15/10/2019 12:59

YaNBU as such. If you don't like an idea of a thing, you don't like the idea of a thing. You could say that's more something you like to do on your own, then you could suggest something else instead.

And most people would feel they had to look their best on a first date- YANBU there. xx

Whattodoabout · 15/10/2019 13:35

YANBU, sounds like a cheap skate.

shearwater · 15/10/2019 14:41

I think it sounds great. Not only do you get to weigh him up in natural surroundings, but your dog gets to fully appraise him as well.

Vanhi · 15/10/2019 14:46

sounds like a cheap skate.

There are plenty of men around who are very materialistic and quite happy to splash the cash to prove something about themselves. It doesn't necessarily make them kind or generous. In some cases it flags up the fact that they have a seriously old-fashioned view of the role of women and don't see you as autonomous or needing financial independence.

Splashing out on a first date doesn't mean he's great, and keeping it low-key doesn't mean he's skinflint.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 15/10/2019 14:50

Splashing out on a first date doesn't mean he's great, and keeping it low-key doesn't mean he's skinflint

You would think your average grown up would have sussed this out by now but it would seem there are still quite a few princesses out there

cacklingmags · 15/10/2019 14:55

When I was dating in my 30s I always did a dog walk for a first date. Some guys were so unfit they struggled up the hills - I did not see them twice.

EhhWellINever · 15/10/2019 14:56

I'd hate to look at the world with the cynicism of the 'dog walk = tight' crowd.

Drink date = wants to get you drunk / spike you

Cinema Date = doesn't want to talk to you

Meal date = best be paying for the lot, tightwad.

Museum date = does he not drink? weirdo.

Can't bloody win.

Maybe his dog doesn't socialise well with others? Or doesn't want to feel pressured into them getting along. Maybe a dog walk in your local park was a way of making you feel at ease and comfortable? Protected with your dog?

Just talk to him like an actual grown up if you're not happy with his choice ffs.

shearwater · 15/10/2019 15:09

If a man was insisting on spending loads of money on me on a first date I would worry what kind of return he was expecting on his investment. A walk in the park sounds a lot less fraught when you don't know him from Adam.

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