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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unimpressed with this date offer

244 replies

BooFuckingHoo2 · 14/10/2019 11:28

I’ve been chatting to a guy from OLD and he’s asked me on a date, all well and good. I’d assumed he’d want to go for a drink/coffee or at a push food/some form of activity but instead he’s suggested we go for a dog walk (I have dogs).

I can’t help feel really odd that he’s suggesting meeting at my local park for a walk for the first date and I can’t put my finger on why! I suppose maybe I think that if he’s asked to take me out he should at least take me for a drink? (Note: I would be happy going halves).

Also I love walking my dog but it’s something I much prefer to do alone, looking a mess Grin.

Am I being a spoilt bitch?

OP posts:
Vanhi · 14/10/2019 17:28

I'm sure I'll get flamed by everyone now for wanting to make an effort and all of your amazing husbands fell in love with you at first sight despite the fact you'd crawled through a sewer in a boiler suit to get to your first date...

Back in the real world...

You mean in the real world where there's a big middle ground between spending hours getting ready for a walk in the park and looking like you crawled through a sewer? Grin

Sure, I made an effort for my first date, even though it was "just" a walk. Nice trousers, clean boots, close fitting jumper, freshly washed hair. But as pp have said, if you're doing OLD 1st dates are very much a reconnoitre and you can end up going on several, so it's fine not to want to go to an expensive restaurant. There's time to do that once you've established that they look like their photo, haven't taken 10 years off their age or added 12" to their height and (probably) aren't an axe murderer.

formerbabe · 14/10/2019 17:30

But going for a walk with the dog is something I like to do with my husband

Yes exactly, because you're already a couple. I like eating dinner on the sofa in my dressing gown with mine but I'd rather something more impressive for a date where you're trying to make a good impression.

Pandaintheporridge · 14/10/2019 17:32

Discussing this thread with dh has led to us both accepting that we'd better stick together as neither of us would have the energy/skills required for modern dating Grin

Bluntness100 · 14/10/2019 17:33

I like eating dinner on the sofa in my dressing gown with mine but I'd rather something more impressive for a date where you're trying to make a good impression

🤣🤣🤣🤣

formerbabe · 14/10/2019 17:35

that it's better to be yourself, not an extremely polished and dressed up version of yourself

But some people like having an opportunity to dress up. Why's that so looked down upon here? Why the rush to prove how down to earth you are?

KatherineJaneway · 14/10/2019 17:37

I hate the "he sounds tight" comments.

Presumably from the people who always expect a man to pay on first dates but then maintain they're strong independent women who don't rely on men for anything Hmm

Nope, just that a deal breaker for me is a man who is tight with money and that was the first thing that sprung into my head at the 'dog walk' suggestion. OP was very clear she'd pay half on the first date.

bluebeck · 14/10/2019 17:37

I would love a first date doing this.

Also, I agree with PP re putting faith in your DDog.

I would think it very wise to get DDog to meet any new bloke before things went further. Obviously if he didn't like the bloke there would be no point in pursuing things Grin

formerbabe · 14/10/2019 17:40

It's really fucking weird that he's not bringing his own dog. I reckon it's because he's hoping to go back to the ops place after but maybe I'm just cynical?

MsChatterbox · 14/10/2019 17:40

I think it sounds lovely for a second date. For a first date I would want to meet somewhere more crowded. I think he's just trying to think of something a bit different. Give him a chance and just suggest something else. Just say you would feel more comfortable meeting somewhere with more people around.

leomama81 · 14/10/2019 17:40

I think he's thinking of this as a pre-date, which a lot of people do now in OLD. A walk, a quick morning coffee or something to see if you have any attraction/interest in each other before committing to a "proper" date of dinner or drinks.

Still, if you'd rather do something else just say.

Daaps · 14/10/2019 17:49

I know a married couple whose first date was a dog walk. I would like it but weird af that he isn’t bringing his dog. The “tight” thing wouldn’t occur to me. He’s either extremely tight to the point he won’t buy a cup of coffee or he isn’t remotely tight so doesn’t realise it’s a “thing”.

SuperMeerkat · 14/10/2019 17:51

I think it’s a lovely, low pressure, first date. If the conversation dries up then you can chat about the dogs.

IncrediblySadToo · 14/10/2019 17:59

@formerbabe

Oh ffs, only on mumsnet. In the real world, both men and women dress up for a date usually. I'm aware this doesn't make you one of the cool girls on here.

I have NO idea what your problem is

Yes. Lots of ‘dates’ involve getting dressed up and ‘impressing someone’ personally I’d prefer one, like this, that doesn’t. It involves doing something potentially messy & muddy, which is far prefer so🤷🏻‍♀️

You can ‘Oh FFS’ all you like, but I can assure you I’m a real person.

I’m a real person who HATES having to dress up’ for anything. I wasn’t that fond of it when I was young and slim, but now I’m older and fatter I fully despise it. I don’t care what other people do and if they enjoy it, fine, but I do not. So ‘dressing to impress’ for a date would not be ‘being me’ and I would want someone that accepts I live in leggings & jeans and that I’m clean & tidy, but I’m not ‘groomed’ and polished and don’t want to be

I have NO interest in being ‘one of the “cool girls” 🙄 Thsts pretty much my whole point. I like being ME, take me or leave me as I am!

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 14/10/2019 18:59

Nope, just that a deal breaker for me is a man who is tight with money

I'm curious, given that you expect a man to pay for a first date does that make you 'tight' as well?

Grobagsforever · 14/10/2019 19:20

Not brining his dog???

Weird. Weird.

Wants a shag.

Dieu · 14/10/2019 19:31

OP, I never assumed from your post that he was bringing his dog (so not a drip feed at all). Part of the reason it was a resounding no from me Grin

Windydaysuponus · 14/10/2019 19:35

Maybe he has got 'dog walking 'and 'dogging 'mixed up?

georgialondon · 14/10/2019 19:39

I'd just say as the weather is rubbish let's go for coffee instead

timshelthechoice · 14/10/2019 20:45

Yep, Gro, especially as he wants to go to her local park and without his dog. Decline entirely or say that doesn't work for you, suggest a coffee and see how responds.

Thehouseintheforest · 14/10/2019 20:52

I think you are all wrong. I know three OLD that ended in marriage from a first date dog walking.

No awkward silences , looking face to face.. Just a mutual interest . He doesn't want to bring his dog in case they don't get on !

Branster · 14/10/2019 23:04

Ooh maybe he has a problem dog!
Or an imaginary dog.

IF your intuition tells you it’s odd (not because it is slightly unusual but because you have a feeling) then don’t date him at all.

Branster · 14/10/2019 23:15

... and I’ve only just realised what OLD stands for. I read it as “from old” meaning from the old days and assumed it was a typo.

KatherineJaneway · 15/10/2019 07:12

I'm curious, given that you expect a man to pay for a first date does that make you 'tight' as well?

@PanGalaticGargleBlaster What are you talking about?

Ohyesiam · 15/10/2019 07:16

There’s nothing wrong with his offer, but if it doesn’t suit you, it doesn’t.

Anothernotherone · 15/10/2019 07:26

If he was bringing his own dig this would be a lovely and genuine way to get to know each other - a pre date really, but very pleasant.

As he's not bringing his own dog it's weird and suggests he's expecting to go back to your house afterwards - no.

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