Do you judge mothers who don’t breastfeed?

[HarryHarry]

I’m sorry - this is long.

For medical reasons, I was unable to breastfeed my son, so I was determined to do so with my daughter. Having tried it for a few days, I must say that I really, really dislike it, to the point that it’s starting to affect my mental health. It’s not just the pain and the discomfort (I know they will eventually disappear). There are other reasons, which are too complicated to go into here. I haven’t decided yet whether I will stop, but I don’t think I feel passionate enough about it to force myself to keep going when I hate it so much.

The only thing that’s stopping me is the judgement of other mothers. The thought of giving up is making me feel so incredibly guilty - like I’ve failed as a woman and a mother - mostly because of how much they go on about it. Today I went out for a walk with my two children for the first time and a woman I only vaguely know from baby groups came running out of her house to talk to me. At first I thought she wanted to see the newborn but actually she just wanted to lecture me about the importance of breastfeeding. Even though I lied and told her it was going really well, she still wouldn’t leave me alone. She made me feel utterly shit for even contemplating formula-feeding and ruined what should have been a special day with my children.

So I have two questions for you... Do you judge mothers who don’t breastfeed? If so, help me understand why. Why is breastfeeding so important to some women? Why do they feel so strongly that other women should do it too? (My husband thinks they just don’t want other women to have choices they didn’t have but I am not that cynical). What will I be missing if I decide to stop?

'Why would I push my husband out of being a dad and breastfeed our babies alone?‘

^^that right there is the fragile masculinity.

I breast fed one and bottle fed two btw. My husband recognised that by breastfeeding or not isn’t a reflection on him as a father because he’s not that insecure.

Our bodies are our own and we can decide what to do/ no do well, quite. It’s not a joint decision what happens to your body. Your positioning the opposite as just that.

Really covering yourself in glory on here master

@Masterof1 OMG absolute barftastic. Go away and slyly refer to your wife’s superior tits and fanny elsewhere please.

Masterof1 - breastfeeding helps tighten things up after giving birth and if that is not a benefit not sure what is

Oh god, are we really trotting our the ‘breastfeeding gives you saggy boobs’ myth. Pregnancy will do that mate. Me, my boobs are the same if not better after feeding 2 babies, and I’ve always had a very healthy sex life thanks. Stick that in your pipe.

Awkward overshare.

1. Pregnancy causes breast tissue to stretch, not breastfeeding. A fact supported by a high quality study. So breastfeeding does not = saggy breasts
2. Breast milk has health benefits compared to formula. A fact supported by high quality studies. This should not be surprising - we are comparing milk made for humans to milk made for a four-legged herd animal
3. Some medications passing through breast milk will have negative effects on the baby, meaning breastfeeding could be harmful. Fact
4. Poor maternal mental health has a negative effect on development of babies. Fact. If you’re becoming depressed because of breastfeeding then the benefits of giving formula probably outweigh the benefits of breastfeeding. Common sense

We could go on and on.

Can people stop spewing hearsay and myth as fact. Google ‘Cochrane library’ and do some searches on the topics so you can be informed

*You’re

Can’t believe I missed that one!

Femenists (eyeroll)

If you even have a wife (which I highly doubt) I feel truly sorry for her.

I found bf to be quite repulsive. It felt so wrong to have a baby in that area.
And yes, I know boobs are there to feed babies blah blah blah but it truly made my skin crawl

As hypocritical as your wife.

Master

What a shame the asteroid blew up Fortnite. Can't you find another little game?

And OP if you are still reading this, you might have nursing aversion, i did with DC1. It's horrible. But magnesium supplements can really help. Maybe worth trying if you want to carry on feeding.

LouiseLouisa87 - I absolutely get that.

No I don’t. I bf my son for 2 months, when I should have stopped sooner for mental health reasons. I ended up making myself ill. Some people are ignorant and not aware of all the possible reasons why someone might not want to or be able to.

Ignoring "pert boob" dad guy. Ahem.
I didn't judge or care less when my daughter was a baby and I never ever would.
Can't think of anything less on my radar tbh. Hugely unfeminist of anyone to criticise another mother for their choices. All are valid, including not wanting to, for WHATEVER reason. Why on earth do people care so much about what others do?
For what it's worth I did breastfeed and found it really easy. And I chose to stop at 6 months for my own reasons. And I genuinely don't care what anyone else does.
I joined Mumsnet more than 10 years ago when Dd was a baby and was really horrified by how judgemental people were about feeding then. Luckily in the real world most decent people do not give a toss. If anyone had judged me for formula feeding then I would not have given them the time of day. Pathetic.

@MiaowMix

Superdad

Ugh this thread took a gross turn.

I feel so mixed on this subject. I have just breastfed my daughter for 19 months and I have to say I stopped in the end because I hated every minute and couldn't wait to unlatch her.

I to felt the same in the early days I cried on the phone to my mum daily because I found it all so difficult. But I carried on regardless as I wanted to give my baby the best I could provide. I have found it to be the hardest yet best achievement I have ever done. Once the first 6 weeks had gone by and my milk supply settled I found it easy and rewarding. I loved I could go out for day with no bottles and have it on tap and looking at her gorgeous milk drunk face and all the lovely cuddles. I have since researched breastmilk extensively and I'm amazed at all the facts so I personally don't think that any formula comes close to breastmilk in the antibodies and nutrition you are giving your baby.

Having said that that's not everything and you matter to. And your mental health is so important. Both my sister and sil gave up breastfeeding for that very reason and all our babies are happy and healthy.

You need to do what's right for you. And you have given your baby the most important collostrum milk so now you need to make a decision. What will make you and your baby happy? And will I regret stopping? If you won't regret it then forget what other people think you know you have done right for your baby.

Good luck

I both breastfed and formula fed so I feel qualified to say...

OMG stop swapping comments with each other about how pert your tits are. You are clearly doing just what the goady masturbator wanted, and also you are kind of making both sides look bad!

@miaowmix I agree to a point but actually individual choices do arise from and contribute to a whole-culture perception so nothing that any of us does has absolutely no effect on people around us. I breastfed three kids and had lots of comments along the lines of how do you know they're getting enough milk, maybe you're not making enough milk if they feed frequently, they'll sleep all night if you give them a bottle etc. None of these came from a hostile place but from people who had made different choices to me due to the UK being largely a non breastfeeding country and people unthinkingly perpetuating that.

Masterof1

Thanks for derailing an genuine discussion about bf with your wankery.

I really think one thing that would help no end with bf is a bit more research into D-Mer. Quite a few people have described the same feelings I had when I was feeding and they were all encompassing and just terrible. I know it's something that isn't very well known, and I was only aware because I mentioned how I felt to one HV at clinic and she knew another HV who knew a little bit about it. If you look it up it says that it affects very few women but seeing as so many women are stopping bf because they find it intolerable I wonder just how many women are struggling with it. I know I wouldn't count as a statistic as it's not like I was diagnosed or recorded or anything, it's just what fitted my experience according to my research and the HV. I think that some research into it would have been really helpful. If it was just a matter of a supplement, or going back on the pill or something hormonal, then it would have made over a year of pure hell a lot more manageable. As it was, I had a five minute conversation with a HV who's only advice was that it was ok if I wanted to stop. Not the most helpful as by that point I had a 6mo who was definitely not interested in taking a bottle!

I forgot to add, my wife has had 2 c-sections so im a very happy man.

Take another wee look at that fella. My wife had painful abdominal surgery, twice, but i'm a very happy man because her twat's still nice and tight for me. Why don't you buy her a labioplasty for her birthday, you dirty dog you, nudge nudge, wink wink. And breast milk jewellery makes you feel sick? Wow. What it must be like in the Freudian nightmare of your head.

Honestly in a thread full of genuinely repulsive posts on both sides, you are fucking leading the field. You disgusting prick.

Pissing myself laughing @Masterof1 what a twat he is!