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Original poster

Do i let her know that i have found her letter

318 replies

user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 20:22

I need some opinions. To cut a long story short. Husband made friends with a single mum doing the school run. She lived further down the road from us so would sometimes walk the same way, husband told me about this.

Single mum then bumps into husband says shes moving away and whats his name so she can add on facebook. I comment this is strange and add her too. She later defriends me but keeps husband and likes most posts.

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch etc. I find out (they were seen) and words are had about breaking boundaries etc. I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind.

I have now found letter from her to husband confessing undying love and that she wants to marry him have children etc. Her letter makes it clear that nothing physical has happened and that he has said he wouldnt leave me but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance. Husband knows i have found this letter and will be dealt with when he gets back from work.

The question now is do I let her know that i know about her letter and what shes up to with my husband?

OP posts:
SneakyBeakyLike · 14/10/2019 10:28

"I won't leave my wife for you" isn't the same as "I don't have any feelings towards you and I think we need to put an end to this friendship as it's not fair on anyone."

SirGawain · 14/10/2019 10:39

Hang on. He's done nothing wrong.
Clearly you really are on another planet LifeonVenus.

CallmeAngelina · 14/10/2019 10:42

The phraseology in that letter indicates that this relationship is partly already established. You don't say, "my house is your house if that's where you want to be," just out of the blue unless it's already been aired as a possibility.
Your husband has some explaining to do.

Drabarni · 14/10/2019 10:45

I don't think he has to explain anything.
He's having an affair, probably sexual and the OP has had a shock.
She doesn't need to know the ins and outs, she needs closure on a liar and cheat.
He needs to move out whilst she decides what to do.
Let him go to her, they deserve each other.

crosspelican · 14/10/2019 10:46

*Pack him off to hers for the weekend for a 'trial marriage'. Send all four of your DC with him.

See how romantic he finds it with EIGHT DC around. Guaranteed cure*

Rather unhelpfully, this was my first thought too! What man in his right mind sets himself up for EIGHT KIDS every weekend???

Anyway, I don't believe the letter is months old for a minute. It's possible that he hasn't actually slept with her, but he is certainly fully are that she wants him (obv she is simply DYING for those 8 kid weekends..?) and is loving it. And risking his entire happiness in the process. He is being a complete cunt, but he has time to salvage it and rebuild your trust if he can be honest with everyone.

RickJames · 14/10/2019 11:06

8 children

Absolute mad woman. I'd be furious with DH for encouraging her.

TryingToBeBold · 14/10/2019 11:25

For those asking why confront her?

Confront Him: he maybe denies it, genuinely comes across as he hasn't got a clue.

Confront Her WHO WROTE IT!: well.. what is she going to do. Say it was a joke?!

SureTry · 14/10/2019 11:33

I'm not putting the full blame on the woman as clearly the OPs H has not been clear and direct with her especially because of the secret play dates. But, it takes some doing to be a single mum with 4 kids, to go out of her way to then potentially make another woman a single mother of 4 children. That's just nasty.

Crystal87 · 14/10/2019 11:44

Speak to your husband. I'd want to know what he has to say for himself. Even if he hasn't done anything, he's hidden it from you and not been honest. And possibly made her think she has a chance. Then I'm sorry to say but I would be knocking on her door.

Intheupsidedown · 14/10/2019 12:51

OP how old are the other 2 children? Is he only taking the 2 youngest when he secretly meets her? If so what is he telling you he is doing during this time with only 2 of your 4 children?

Original poster
user1471427614 · 14/10/2019 18:42

Im told note was in bottom of bag, she made cakes for the kids and he throw those but never saw the note. He doesnt pay much attention to things so sounds likly. Other kids are at school.

Not had much time to talk as he works late but im told months ago she did ask he he had read a note and he said he didnt know what she meant, asked for a summary and she said no as if you read it you will understand. It was left there. Again he says the friendship isnt like that, i said it is and isnt on.

Day off tmorrow so time to talk then. He knews hes being unreasonable but I dont think he is going to cut her off........we will see

OP posts:
rubyroot · 14/10/2019 18:45

I think your 'DH' is a liar. Tbh I'm not sure why you trust anything that comes out of his mouth. Also if it was a long time ago.. Even worse. He has kept meeting her despite this Hmm

TimeforanotherChange · 14/10/2019 18:48

You don't think he's going to cut her off? WTF?

I'd be telling him if he has any contact with her EVER again you will be filing for divorce. He doesn't get to decide he'll keep seeing another woman who is in love with him whilst hanging onto his marriage.

Fuck. That. Shit.

AFairlyHardAvocado · 14/10/2019 18:51

I think you need to decide if it's a deal breaker if he isn't willing to stop talking to her. Not because men shouldn't have female friends but because she has made her feelings clear, he has been disrespectful by not being firmer with her or telling you.

You sound chill as fuck about this - I don't know if I'm an unreasonable headcase for saying I couldn't forgive him if he was unwilling to prioritise me, or if you're a bit in shock or denial.

I really hope whatever happens you are ok, it's horrible when there's tension like this and your partner doesn't seem to be keen for a resolution to make you feel secure Thanks

99BehaviourProblems · 14/10/2019 18:52

If my DH didn’t cut her off completely he’d be off to live with her and have 8 kids to look after at the weekend.

You have to insist on this point OP. If he continues to see her that is massively disrespectful to you. The ultimatum should be: batshit crazy “friend”, or wife and kids?

Why on earth would he even want to entertain a “friendship” with this woman after finding out how she feels and how she is intent on ruining his marriage?

If he does say he’ll cut things off with her, and if you decide to stay with him after this, then keep a very close eye on his phone calls, messages, emails, Whatsapps and all social media accounts for a while. Because I wouldn’t be able to trust him as far as I could throw him!!

Servalan · 14/10/2019 18:53

How will you feel about it if he doesn't cut her off?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/10/2019 18:53

im told months ago she did ask (if?) he had read a note and he said he didnt know what she meant, asked for a summary and she said no as if you read it you will understand. It was left there

Considering he's had a day to come up with something, he's not very good at this is he? Hmm

The truth is staring you in the face, and since you now "dont think he is going to cut her off" it seems you have a difficult deciion to make

Aderyn19 · 14/10/2019 18:54

If he won't cut her off when she's set out her stall so clearly, then I don't see what else you can do but ltb. His behaviour is massively disrespectful to you and your relationship - you cannot just accept this.

Greenglassteacup · 14/10/2019 19:07

I’d tell him to fuck off OP

Wallywobbles · 14/10/2019 19:08

I'd put a copy of the letter somewhere really fucking public at school (well I think I would). But if he didn't block her on everything I'd kick him out immediately.

Can you imagine how far along you'd have to be in a relationship before you thought this might be appropriate or reciprocated? A long long way for a long long time.

Read some of the pining for a married man threads on here and they don't feel like that after a couple of coffees at jungle gym.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 14/10/2019 19:09

So what if he blocks her on Facebook. He'll just hide his tracks better. Wonder what name she's stored on his phone as. "Dave" from work probably.
He shouldn't have any reason to be meeting up with this woman.

usersouthcoast · 14/10/2019 19:20

Even IF he was totally innocent and didn't see the friendship in the same way she did, he now knows about the letter, and the content of the letter.
So, now.... surely his mind should change about her intentions!?

usersouthcoast · 14/10/2019 19:21

How would he feel if this were you with a love letter writing friend?

namina · 14/10/2019 19:22

She's a desperate cow and he's just as bad, clearly been leading her on. Gosh I'm so mad for u 😡😡

AngelzEye · 14/10/2019 19:30

I'm so, so sorry but what he said in your last post OP sounds completely unbelievable from an outside perspective and I can't see how you could believe that but for denial and optimism.

Whatever is actually going on, something is really not right here. He is lying to you, and progressively adapting those lies based on the information your feeding him and messing with your head but I really get the impression you want to convince yourself everything is OK because it is, understandably, so so awful.
I'm so sorry, but that's the impression I've got from reading the thread. Flowers

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