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Original poster

Do i let her know that i have found her letter

318 replies

user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 20:22

I need some opinions. To cut a long story short. Husband made friends with a single mum doing the school run. She lived further down the road from us so would sometimes walk the same way, husband told me about this.

Single mum then bumps into husband says shes moving away and whats his name so she can add on facebook. I comment this is strange and add her too. She later defriends me but keeps husband and likes most posts.

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch etc. I find out (they were seen) and words are had about breaking boundaries etc. I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind.

I have now found letter from her to husband confessing undying love and that she wants to marry him have children etc. Her letter makes it clear that nothing physical has happened and that he has said he wouldnt leave me but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance. Husband knows i have found this letter and will be dealt with when he gets back from work.

The question now is do I let her know that i know about her letter and what shes up to with my husband?

OP posts:
Babysharkisanearworm · 14/10/2019 02:07

Sounds like an EA to me. Whether it was recent or from some time ago, carrying on is not an option when she has shown her cards. Imagine how he would feel if it were the other way around?
He needs to cut all contact and listen VERY carefully to your warning next time. We women are not daft and know when someone is a danger. Men can be so blind sometimes. He probably needed to be needed and liked that feeling. He needs to grow up and focus on you instead of feeding his need with some other woman.

TryingToBeBold · 14/10/2019 02:27

Defriending her doesn't mean they wont message. Or meet
Confront her face to face.
Shes only thinking she's getting away with this because she thinks you have no idea..

femfemlicious · 14/10/2019 02:49

I think the mistake you made was texting him whilst he was at work. This should have been a face to face conversation so he doesn't have time to prepare.

I would call her and have a go at her. She is horrible for pursuing a married manAngry

Lowlandlucky · 14/10/2019 04:40

If he never told you he was meeting her for lunch it was beacause he had something to hide

Flipswhitefudge · 14/10/2019 04:40

I'd be calling her out in front of everyone.

Fluffyhairforever · 14/10/2019 07:02

What is calling her out in front of everyone going to do? Why would that help OP?

Mumtoaperfectbabyboy · 14/10/2019 07:54

I would see what your dh has to say in person and take it from there.... Trust your gut instinct.

Shessobrave · 14/10/2019 07:58

Greeneye - That never happens to me! Confused

jeffsar4 · 14/10/2019 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

leafyskyline · 14/10/2019 08:08

How did it go OP? Thanks

SneakyBeakyLike · 14/10/2019 08:11

I don't think you should confront her.
Yes she shouldn't be trying it on with a married man and she's a nasty bitch but confronting her won't change anything.
He's the cheat, emotionally or otherwise.

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/10/2019 08:22

If it was the other way round and you’d been meeting up with some man he’d have you out and call you a slag.

I know two women who stayed through affairs, both got left eventually.

Ce7913 · 14/10/2019 09:12

"...I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind..."

"...i believe he hasnt seen the letter before ... he thinks it from months ago when they first meet and before he set her striaght..."

  1. So, he lied to you.
  1. If he has never, ever seen this letter before - please - then how can he think it was from months ago versus recently?
  1. He has been betraying you and his children for ego treats and is absolutely pathetic.
Ce7913 · 14/10/2019 09:14

"...and that he has said he wouldnt leave me..."

No-one, NO-ONE has this conversation with a purely platonic friend.

"...but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance..."

And then some.

theWarOnPeace · 14/10/2019 09:41

“Before he set her straight”.

How so? How do you set someone straight that you don’t know even had feelings for you, and then continue to meet up with them in secret, and have a letter with you that randomly makes an appearance after being lost for months?

Never heard so much bullshit, you’d be a fool to believe this OP. The secret meetings are enough in themselves.

Ringdonna · 14/10/2019 09:48

I hate these predatory women.

NaomiFromMilkShake · 14/10/2019 09:51

Predatory women ??

Or

Weak men ??

Sux2buthen · 14/10/2019 09:52

@NaomiFromMilkShake both exist

Greenkit · 14/10/2019 10:01

what a load of tosh....

LionsHeart · 14/10/2019 10:05

You are so calm.

I'd put the letter on FB and ask "how should I handle this situation?" and "did anyone already know about this?"

P.S. Your DH isn't a "D" - he's a liar & a gaslighter.

DeathStare · 14/10/2019 10:09

So what he is saying is that she slipped this letter into his pocket months ago, and that in all those months he has never emptied his pockets? Never washed his clothes? He's never put his hand in his pocket and thought WTF is this and then read it?

And that despite never seeing this letter before, he knows exactly when it is from?

Sorry OP but this is the biggest and most obvious crock of shit ever. He has panicked when you have confronted him and has come up with a completely obvious lie.

And unless he knows he has done something wrong he had no reason to panic and lie.

Runmybathforme · 14/10/2019 10:12

Disagree that it’s all on the husband. She also knew perfectly well what she’s up to, And the possible consequences.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 14/10/2019 10:12

Your DH is a liar at best, and a cheat at worst. Either way this isn't about him and his next move; think about you and your next move. Do you want to live with someone who has conversations with an OW about leaving you?

Nobody in a friendship discusses leaving their spouse. Nobody with anything to hide needs to lie about a friendship.

Your DH is an arsehole and is making a mess of your marriage. You don't have to sit and wait to find out what happens next. You can walk away and tell him to get fucked, quite easily.

Servalan · 14/10/2019 10:20

I've only just started wearing a winter coat over the last couple of days having not worn one for months - so it's not totally implausible that the letter could have been sitting there for months and he'd be aware that the last opportunity she'd have had to slip a letter in there would have been months ago.

However, if she went to the lengths of declaring her undying love months ago in a letter, then in all likelihood she would have tried following that up. There would have been conversations. He would have known that this woman had feelings - and whether he wanted to act on them or not, he concealed this fact from wife.

I would be finding it very difficult to trust him and he should at the very least be taking accountability for his behaviour and admitting that he has behaved very badly

99BehaviourProblems · 14/10/2019 10:26

I agree - he is lying and hasn’t told you the full story. It’s likely he’s been meeting up with her, leading her on at best, cheating at worst. Incidentally, what in the letter made you believe hey haven’t actually done anything?

Do not accept him saying he hasn’t done anything. Having a chat about whether or not he would be leaving his wife IS doing something wrong.

Any update, OP?