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Original poster

Do i let her know that i have found her letter

318 replies

user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 20:22

I need some opinions. To cut a long story short. Husband made friends with a single mum doing the school run. She lived further down the road from us so would sometimes walk the same way, husband told me about this.

Single mum then bumps into husband says shes moving away and whats his name so she can add on facebook. I comment this is strange and add her too. She later defriends me but keeps husband and likes most posts.

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch etc. I find out (they were seen) and words are had about breaking boundaries etc. I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind.

I have now found letter from her to husband confessing undying love and that she wants to marry him have children etc. Her letter makes it clear that nothing physical has happened and that he has said he wouldnt leave me but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance. Husband knows i have found this letter and will be dealt with when he gets back from work.

The question now is do I let her know that i know about her letter and what shes up to with my husband?

OP posts:
Drabarni · 14/10/2019 23:51

Flirting and ego is the minimising, now how about the truth.
HE"s SHAGGING HER and has been since they met most probably. Open your eyes.
OP I pity you so much. Thanks At least get a sti test.

19lottie82 · 14/10/2019 23:54

At the very least he’s been having an emotional affair with her and stringing her along! Why didn’t he tell you about their meet ups if he didn’t have anything to hide?

I suspect it has been more than that hence why she defriended you on Facebook. She wouldn’t have done that if she didn’t feel guilty / had something to hide.

It sounds like he’s getting in there with a bit of damage control!

Drabarni · 15/10/2019 00:03

Can you not see they were together when she unfriended you.
She wanted it to continue when she moved.
You said it was strange, that's how long it's been going on.
I'd be surprised if they hadn't shagged tbh.
Don't take this lying down, get the truth and then throw his sorry ass out.
Or come to terms with the fact he has a mistress who wants his children, and turn a blind eye.

ProseccoIsTheAnswerHere · 15/10/2019 00:12

*Do I let her know that I’ve found her letter”

Oh fuck yes, she’ll be mortified

justilou1 · 15/10/2019 00:17

He knows what she’s like, but he’s not going to drop her...

Riiiiiiiightio.

You know what he’s like, then.

Lovebeingmama · 15/10/2019 00:21

I’m sorry op but the more I read your posts the more certain I am that he has been involved with woman, beyond friendship.
He’s not innocent and unaware.
Something had give her the confidence to write that letter and his reasoning stinks to high heavens.
The fact he is even considering meeting her again speaks volumes. You know he’ll meet again because he’s getting something out of this.
For heavens sake stand up for yourself please. Don’t let him disrespect you like this. Demand he deletes her from all social media and has no contact. If he refuses, walk away.

Lovebeingmama · 15/10/2019 00:28

I’m worried that despite all this your husband feels he can calls the shots - like telling you he may/may not meet her again. He should be trying desperately to sort out his marriage.
Is this the first time he has treated you like this honestly? Feels like you have been downtrodden for a while.

Purpleartichoke · 15/10/2019 00:36

Your marriage can recover from this if you both want to make it work. He has to cut off all contact with her. Block her on social media, block her number, everything. Then the two of you have to work on your relationship. He has to earn back your trust. You both need to work on strengthening the relationship. Once things calm down, I would even consider reevaluating work schedules because being in a position where you can’t have a conversation in person is hard on a marriage.

Nikhedonia · 15/10/2019 00:54

Why did she say that he has said he would never leave you, if they haven't discussed it?!

OP, you need to try and see through the situation however hard it is to do that right now.

Sushiroller · 15/10/2019 01:25

Utter BS from your "D"P
What a despicable man Angry

Shessobrave · 15/10/2019 01:47

Utter BS from your "D"P

This.

ThanksGin

MrsNoMopp · 15/10/2019 02:23

Send a reply, supposedly from your DH, inviting her to meet up the next evening, giving time and place. Meanwhile, arrange to go out for a 'surprise' with your DH. Same place, 5 minutes later. When you arrive, see what their faces tell you and what they have to say for themselves.

MsDogLady · 15/10/2019 03:59

I feel dizzy trying to keep up with his lies.

He lied by omission by secretly chatting and meeting up with OW. He was prioritizing her and making a fool of you. When you heard about them and expressed discomfort, he dismissed your feelings and lied that they were just friends.

He lied about the letter. First he denied knowledge of it. Next he claimed that OW placed it in a bag months ago and asked if he’d read it. Then he said that she recently slipped it into his pocket.

He lied that he “had no idea that she truly felt that way” and downplayed it as “just a little flirting and ego boost.” This is an emotional affair (cheating) or more. An intimate connection has developed. They have had very serious talks, as the letter indicates that they have discussed whether he would leave you.

You are underreacting. Get angry and don’t fall for his lies and manipulations. He may promise to cut contact, but will likely tell OW to lie low for a while.

You would be wise to show him the door as a consequence of treating you with such contempt.

MerryMarigold · 15/10/2019 04:32

So......
He had no idea she felt this way and yet they've had a conversation where he made it clear that he's not leaving you.

He's such a liar OP. Flirting is one thing, lying is another. He needs to get his big boy pants on and confess properly of your going to maintain your relationship.

Stuckinanutshell · 15/10/2019 08:08

I’m genuinely so sad that he has manipulated you to such an extent that you seem to now think it’s ok and fixed.

Takeitonthechin · 15/10/2019 08:26

Ah but will he lose his 'friend', or will they still meet up behind your back. I must say OP, you're being very lenient with him and he definitely needs keeping an eye on imo

AmIThough · 15/10/2019 08:36

So is the letter old or new? Were there two letters or is he just lying to you again?

Jizzle · 15/10/2019 09:04

I have to say OP, I completely disagree with the other commenters about this.

Your husband didn't know about the note and once it was spelled out to him (in the note) this OW's true feelings he has agreed to cut contact, what more do you want?

He has admitted it was a bit of an ego boost but I don't see anything wrong specifically in going out for lunches etc with this women, myself and my DP have friends we only see on our own, just because the person he meets for lunch isn't another bloke you are getting unnecessarily worried by it.

SureTry · 15/10/2019 09:20

There has been 3 different explanations/stories that the H has given the OP, it's all bollocks! OP go and find yourself a single dad to go on play dates with, see how quickly DH reacts to that.

HisBetterHalf · 15/10/2019 09:22

So your husband befriends another woman, you both add her on facebook, she defriends you and your husband goes on little outings with her and without you? Did that not seem odd to him? And now the letters, were there two or just the one? One in cake bag (hmmm) would that not be all greasy and stained and another slipped in his pocket? How close do you have to be to slip something into someones pocket without them knowing? And what tyoe of pocket?

myolivetree · 15/10/2019 09:43

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch

This is why @Jizzle . It's not because he's meeting up with a woman, oh that it were that simple, it's because of the secrecy.

Oh and the "flirting" and the "ego boosting". That is quite a charged situation going on there. Her letter is material proof of that.

Actionhasmagic · 15/10/2019 10:08

He is unreasonable

Hanab · 15/10/2019 10:19

Either this is a BS post or OP you are so blinded to the truth & you want to believe hubbys version that you cannot see what we see/read from your posts 🤷🏻‍♀️

OldEvilOwl · 15/10/2019 11:14

I would definitely let her know you have found the letter, I might even post a copy of it on Facebook for everyone to see

bakesalesally · 15/10/2019 14:03

@user1471427614 I feel so sorry for you.

I hope you have given him hell.

And tell everyone what she has done. Everyone. WhatsApp photos of the letter.

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