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Original poster

Do i let her know that i have found her letter

318 replies

user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 20:22

I need some opinions. To cut a long story short. Husband made friends with a single mum doing the school run. She lived further down the road from us so would sometimes walk the same way, husband told me about this.

Single mum then bumps into husband says shes moving away and whats his name so she can add on facebook. I comment this is strange and add her too. She later defriends me but keeps husband and likes most posts.

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch etc. I find out (they were seen) and words are had about breaking boundaries etc. I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind.

I have now found letter from her to husband confessing undying love and that she wants to marry him have children etc. Her letter makes it clear that nothing physical has happened and that he has said he wouldnt leave me but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance. Husband knows i have found this letter and will be dealt with when he gets back from work.

The question now is do I let her know that i know about her letter and what shes up to with my husband?

OP posts:
ChocoholicsAsylum · 13/10/2019 21:12

I'd set about her!!! Then deal with the prick! He knew from when you said the first time... kept it going and now this! People make mistakes yes of course they do but to go into such detail like that on a letter... well...

Velveteenfruitbowl · 13/10/2019 21:12

How incredibly sad. He must have known that she felt this way, especially seeing as you pointed it out to him. It was a really shitty thing to do, using someone who is clearly quite vulnerable to boost his self esteem.

Drabarni · 13/10/2019 21:14

OMG, how is she still in the house?

Jellybeansincognito · 13/10/2019 21:15

I would message her calmly and explain that you’ve found the letter and would like her side of the situation explained to you so you can make a decision regarding your children and future.

Then you can get your husband side of the story and piece together to make your own trusted version of events and remain dignified throughout.

Good luck op.
Here’s a hand hold!

MummyNeedsDisaronno · 13/10/2019 21:15

Sounds a bit weird even before the letter, meeting up with the children in secret? Sounds like he might've been stringing he along and she's got feelings now which he doesn't (so he says) want to act on

Savingforarainyday · 13/10/2019 21:16

OP
How old are your kids? If they met up with her, were they told to be quiet about it?
How long has it been between you having a chat with him about her ( after they were seen) and now?

MyRaGaiaStarFishPieA · 13/10/2019 21:17

OP, I admire how calm you seem. This must be very difficult.

DoveBlue · 13/10/2019 21:17

I agree with pp wouldn't give her satisfaction of knowing you are (rightly) upset. Have the conversation with your DH then make a decision on what to do. He has some serious explaining to do. I would suggest trying to sit down calmly and tell him this is it cards on the table. He needs to be 100% truthfull or it is over. This is ultimately between you and him. Leave her out of it as such (her 'love' for him). His actions and his feelings are in question not hers.
Hers are so far wrong doesn't need any discussion.

Doublemint · 13/10/2019 21:17

Woah- she's either mad or they've been physical. As soon as he's in ask for his phone and go to recently deleted messages and google search history. Look at recently deleted Facebook messages etc. I would need to check EVERYTHING myself. If there's nothing there then that's as bad as finding something- if they are as close as she says OR they've been meeting up as just friends you would expect to find SOMETHING on his phone at least. If it's blank he's guilty.

Skittlesandbeer · 13/10/2019 21:18

She’s very lucky you don’t tell the whole school community what she’s done. Sure, it’d be airing your marriage’s dirty laundry and fuelling gleefully gossip. But by god, the alienation would make her think twice about doing it again. Where I live there’d be consequences for her, not just him.

I’d fantasise long and hard about it...

Branleuse · 13/10/2019 21:23

hes led her on with an emotional affair. He needs his arse handed to him on a plate and to know that you are deadly serious. Trust your instincts here, not your husband.

GabsAlot · 13/10/2019 21:27

What an idiot-i dont believe he hasnt seen the letter though

INeedAFlerken · 13/10/2019 21:30

Wow

Your DH has been meeting up with her behind your back ... and she defriended you pretty promptly

I'd be furious with your DH ... he was clearly enjoying the attention and putting his energy into a relationship with her, even if it was platonic so far, instead of with you and your family. Wrong wrong wrong.

Good luck.

HollowTalk · 13/10/2019 21:30

Who sends letters nowadays? Why would she want evidence hanging around like that?

Cherrysoup · 13/10/2019 21:31

There’s no way he hasn’t read the letter, what bollocks. Hope you’re doing frosty silence til he’s home, OP. He needs to fight for you now.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 13/10/2019 21:31

Wait so she knows he's married and is telling him this shit anyway? And he's been going along with it all?
Jesus Christ. Is he hedging his bets? What the hell is wrong with the pair of them? Hmm
What a shit thing for her to write, for him to leave lying around for your wife to find, and regardless of whether he'd read it or not what a stupid situation to let himself get into.
I'm sorry you're going through this OP.
Flowers

WhatTiggersDoBest · 13/10/2019 21:32

*his wife to find. I changed the sentence into third person and missed one.

Original poster
user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 21:34

Just spoken to him, i believe he hasnt seen the letter before and he thinks it from months ago when they first meet and before he set her striaght.

Kids that have been out with them are 3 and 2 so have,nt been told to be queit

She has form for this kind of thing, which was pointed out to husband when she requested to be freinds on facebook.

He seems to think hes done nothing wrong, he is aware that i disagree. Says we will talk when he gets home. Ive told him i will be asleep dont want to disscuss it any futher. Hes been told her or me...ill be checking that hes defriended her

OP posts:
ThreeLittleDots · 13/10/2019 21:37

Pants on fire, he's still lying.

Forumqueen · 13/10/2019 21:38

Sorry but how could he not have been aware of the letter if they have still been in contact. Wouldn’t she have brought it up

happierasleep · 13/10/2019 21:39
Hmm
LilQueenie · 13/10/2019 21:40

Taking your kids to see her would kill the trust completely for me. It won't matter that he defriends her they could still be in contact in other ways. Personally i would be contacting her in person and making a show of her in public. People do things because it stays hidden.

kateandme · 13/10/2019 21:41

Judging from his reactions to this is want to get in touch with her and try and see her side of the story. And then piece together what you think you can trust from both of them. Because he should be groveling right now not coming up with excuses.

LonginesPrime · 13/10/2019 21:41

Do 'NOT' under any circumstances contact this woman or mention the letter. She will love that.

This.

No reason to involve her in your relationship - the problem is between you and H.

InTropicalTrumpsLand · 13/10/2019 21:41

I couldn't help but notice the woman says 'he won't leave you', not 'he won't cheat on you'.