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Original poster

Do i let her know that i have found her letter

318 replies

user1471427614 · 13/10/2019 20:22

I need some opinions. To cut a long story short. Husband made friends with a single mum doing the school run. She lived further down the road from us so would sometimes walk the same way, husband told me about this.

Single mum then bumps into husband says shes moving away and whats his name so she can add on facebook. I comment this is strange and add her too. She later defriends me but keeps husband and likes most posts.

Unknown to me they are now chatting and metting up with children for shopping...lunch etc. I find out (they were seen) and words are had about breaking boundaries etc. I say that she has her eye on him, he says its not like that, she just has problems and needs a freind.

I have now found letter from her to husband confessing undying love and that she wants to marry him have children etc. Her letter makes it clear that nothing physical has happened and that he has said he wouldnt leave me but hes obviously making her think she stands a chance. Husband knows i have found this letter and will be dealt with when he gets back from work.

The question now is do I let her know that i know about her letter and what shes up to with my husband?

OP posts:
Fantie · 13/10/2019 22:11

How would a letter be on your side for months that neither of you noticed ?

How much crap do you have on your sides ...

He lying.

Fantie · 13/10/2019 22:12

chances are it's a new letter that she left on your side for him after leaving the house

I agree.

Agitetur · 13/10/2019 22:12

This woman owes you nothing,no explanation.nadda. Don’t confront her
However your husband has been duplicitous,potentially lead her on,behaved badly
He needs to explain himself. I’d expect him to obfuscate and deflect

what do you want to do?

Wordie · 13/10/2019 22:15

I agree with Pinky

Surely if he had seen the letter or was trying to hide it. He wouldn’t be so stupid to leave it on the kitchen table!

However, he’s in the wrong for allowing it to go on. He’s probably liked the attention and the ego boost. I would be furious at that but I think the other woman has actively gone after him and she’s just as bad trying to break up a marriage!

rubyroot · 13/10/2019 22:19

It's hard as you have 4 kids. But the fact he's carried this on and secretly met her etc. I'd want rid I think if I could get on my feet quick enough. Which in my circumstances I could, I'd kick the fucker out. It's totally disrespectful. Forget her, she has no loyalties to you. HE Does!

BumbleBeee69 · 13/10/2019 22:20

imagine actually writing a letter.. I'm mortified for her .. what a twat Grin

surreysnapper · 13/10/2019 22:20

she will already know you've found the letter as your husband will have told her before he gets home to you

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/10/2019 22:22

I’d make him call her, on loudspeaker when he’s home. Ask her about the letter he’s ‘just found’ and wait to hear her response

That's actually a pretty good idea, and if he's some innocent victim of a stalker he'll have no problem at all with doing it

Except I'm quite sure he will have a problem ...

Thehop · 13/10/2019 22:25

Calling her on loudspeaker about letter he’s just seen is a very good idea, but don’t warn him.

Agitetur · 13/10/2019 22:27

I’d make him call her, on loudspeaker when he’s home. Ask her about the letter he’s ‘just found’ and wait to hear her response
Utter fuckery. It’s your real actual life,not eastenders Sharon and Phil
Ignoring the stupid suggestions, you need a plan,to be composed and clear what you want from a cards on table discussion

On a practical level
Do you want to stay together,or is this it
Moving forward what will he do to cease this inappropriate relationship
Who’s supporting you?

FrangipaniBlue · 13/10/2019 22:28

chances are it's a new letter that she left on your side for him after leaving the house.

This was my first thought too.....

Wheat2Harvest · 13/10/2019 22:37

Never mind her letter; what was his reply? That's what you need to know!

Is the reply in his 'Deleted' folder by any chance? It's amazing how many men think deleting something means it's been deleted.

Happymum12345 · 13/10/2019 22:37

Of course it’s not all on your dh. Yes he was an absolute idiot for befriending a woman who is obsessed with him. But she-the woman knows you are married and have children. The fact that she knows this and still said this is absolutely disgusting. Raise it with him then tell her how you feel - I doubt a woman like that will care, but at least try.

myolivetree · 13/10/2019 22:42

Letter or no letter boundaries have been crossed.
Secrecy, meetings without your knowledge, emotions simmering, your husband is playing with fire. Have you heard of emotional affairs ? They don't need to be physical. The OW is going full throttle even if your OH isn't.

Stop it now. He needs to de friend her on Social Media and end all contact. Make sure you know it happens completely. Did he encourage her? He WILL say no and minimise. It's up to you where you take that.

Personally I would want to tell her to sling her hook.

How kooky to write a letter- which you then find lying on the side? As per JANE Austen. Weird. You need to stop this in its tracks.

stanski · 13/10/2019 22:44

I'm sorry OP but I don't believe the letter is from months ago and he's never seen it. He may not have seen it but looking at the different theories the one where she's left it on the way out actually sounds the most logical. But more troubling is for her to leave it where you could find it means she's making this 'public' as she doesn't even care that you find out, if that makes sense. Not telling him anything til he got home and then putting them on loud speaker would have been a brilliant idea, but too late for that. See if you can pull his deleted messages especially those from today.

pemberlyshades · 13/10/2019 22:45

@myolivetree - I literally thought the same thing! Very Austen-esque! It actually inspired my name change 🤣

BendyLikeBeckham · 13/10/2019 22:45

I call Emotional Affair.

If he had told her he loved you and would never be interested in her, then she wouldn't have said "I know you won't leave your wife", she would have said "I know you aren't interested in me". He has told her he has feelings for her but won't leave you out of duty/commitment/family, etc. That is shit for you OP.

I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again. Check his phone messages. If they are deleted, he is hiding something.

Hope you get to the bottom of this, but it sounds dire.

Flowers for you OP

myolivetree · 13/10/2019 22:50

Much simpler than your husband having the letter in his pocket, getting it out and not reading it ( odd ) and it sitting for ages unseen in full view ( odd ) is that she left there very recently on her way out.

Not good.

AuchAyeTheNo · 13/10/2019 22:53

I hope your alright OP.

It’s really easy for everyone to say what they would do but it’s your marriage, your family. Only you can decide if you believe him or not. Either way I would give him the ultimatum of her or you. No contact, no hellos in the street, as of now she would be a complete stranger.

NearlyGranny · 13/10/2019 22:54

Pack him off to hers for the weekend for a 'trial marriage'. Send all four of your DC with him.

See how romantic he finds it with EIGHT DC around. Guaranteed cure

Mollymoo01 · 13/10/2019 22:54

It sounds very much like she has been to your house and left the note as she was leaving.

If the note was months old why didn’t she ask him about it?
So he says it was from months ago then when he didn’t bring up the letter surely she would’ve asked him?!

It all sounds very dodgy and I would be asking for her side of the story.
She could quite possibly lie about it all but some of it may ring true for you and either way at least you can confront your husband with what she says has happened.

kylieeee · 13/10/2019 22:54

If he claims he has had to 'set her straight' before then why the hell is he still in touch with her? He clearly knows she has feelings for him and he loves being sought after, it's pathetic. If he had any loyalty to you or your marriage he would have ran a mile when he knew she wanted more than friendship. You deserve more respect than this tosser, OP.

The petty side of me thinks you should stir up some trouble in their little secret paradise and upload a lovey dovey soppy post about your marriage and tag him in it for her to see. Then send pics of her letter to Ladbible for publishing to millions of followers Grin

AnyFucker · 13/10/2019 22:56

This situation doesn't sound very plausible

Interestedwoman · 13/10/2019 22:59

OMG. This 'friendship' has to end now.

whereareallmyhairbands · 13/10/2019 23:00

A letter that's been kept for months in a pocket wouldn't be neatly folded anymore, it would be creased / battered etc

And is he seriously telling you he's not read it?

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