To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

[Phineasdidit]

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

I used to do project work with a weekly commute. I remember telling DH the latest gossip one weekend and he asked if there was anyone not having an affair!! Yep, Me!!

In fact some of them were having multiple affairs!!

Is it as rife in the army as everyone is always saying? Anyone have an idea as my sister is now an army wife and suspects a lot.

Work in education (massive age span covering the campus so nursery, primary, secondary, six form all under one roof) always AT LEAST 6 or 7 affairs going on

People need to get a grip

I can, hand on heart, say that I don't know anyone who has had an affair. None of my friends are on second marriages.
I simply couldn't imagine any of my friends or their partners doing such a thing.
Same extends to my family.
I find it really difficult to believe it is so widespread.

Op I work in the nhs too and like you am gobsmacked by how many affairs are going on. Once a porter and a domestic were caught in the linen room, a band 6 and a domestic also caught in the sluice and my theatre manager band 8 is having an affair with the anaethiasist Dr and has been for 20 odd years!!!
Said Dr even had her attend his daughters wedding because they're ( "good friends" )
And that's just a few

I worked in an NHS unit where the culture changed in front of me. First a very small new team, boss 50s and married, mostly 30s/40s and married with a couple of younger people. The team expanded hugely, more younger people, stress levels rose. No affairs that I saw but increasing culture of partying. Then the boss started confessing his affair to us all, seemed to get off on it. Hideously uncomfortable. Affairs started in the team and with other units we were in touch with. Got very messy.

I personally think the number of affairs in most workplaces is surprisingly low. I would trust someone to love me, put me first and treat me well, not necessarily never to have an affair over potentially 50 plus years of marriage.

@Prestoli that really made laugh and I think that must be the real reason

I used to work in banking and yes, completely rife. Someone in my team was in a long term relationship with a director in another area... she came home early from a weekend away once and found him in bed with the PA of our team. Caused some issues!
Another man in my team had a wife who has just found out (during pregnancy) that she had breast cancer. He was having a long term affair with a colleague, who was also pregnant (with his child).
I was supposed to be sharing a room with a colleague after a Christmas conference/party and she didn’t come back to the room. Appeared very sheepishly the next morning with a big boss. They were both getting married to their respective partners within the next few months.

I worked in a private hospital...it was sooo common there too

I find what you say quite surprising. In my first job at quite an old fashioned hospital in surgery all of the male consultants had had an affair at some point with at least one of the nursing staff. In these cases though it was never an ‘admin girl’ but slightly older women, also married, with just as much to lose.

But I’ve never worked anywhere like that since and frankly if someone got caught with their pants down they’d be out and reported to their regulatory body!

You could hypothesise that the difference is everywhere I’ve worked since has had more females at the top.

Also amongst young doctors in their twenties and thirties anecdotally I have found that there is an higher rate of relatively early marriage and being in very long term relationships. I think you need the support. I’ve never heard of a case of cheating amongst the juniors! And we definitely talk about our husbands and wives frequently.

I'm another one who can't be arsed. I used to be a real 'player' in my 20s. Suspect I've shagged half of the men in Surrey.

Now all I want to do is curl up on the sofa with cats and watch GBBO with a hot chocolate

Me and my OH used to joke about how could people be arsed with affairs but I’m 3 days into finding out she’s been having one so heartbroken 😔 why can’t people just stick to their marriage vows xx

I think perhaps it's outdated for marriage to be an indefinite contract. Why not have it be for ten years and then have to renew. If half of marriages end in divorce something isn't working. I think a ten year renewable term would make more sense.

Christ this thread is depressing me.

@steppenmum gosh I feel sick after your comment, my partner at medical conference in Berlin right now. I’m stunned at the reports of affairs on here - I didn’t realise I was so naive!!!

@snottysystem I was in Police 30 years. I’ve been married over 20 years to another officer and this is very unusual for the Police. You’re absolutely right affairs are rife.

"Is it as rife in the army as everyone is always saying? Anyone have an idea as my sister is now an army wife and suspects a lot."

As I said, any job where people work away will obviously have a lot of cheating.

When I worked at a huge steel works, affairs were rife, hot bed of gossip

I work for the NHS and I think everyone is too busy / stressed exhausted in my dept. I don’t here of anything anyway.

However, pre university I worked for a supermarket chain ( 25 yrs ago) and everyone seemed to be shagging anyone . It seemed like people left their morals / wedding vows at the door of the store.
Middle management where worse. Christmas partys would consist of too much emotion mixed in with too much alcohol and a fight breaking out as a wife / husband would turn up

Knew it would be the Man's fault! Keep thumping that drum sista!

Phineasdidit

BUT, it’s married men shagging single women. Married women having affairs seem to be thin on the ground

Always the Males fault.... Keep drumming that drum sista! 'rolls eyes'

I wonder if it’s an NHS specialism thing too? I worked in NHS primary care, Musculoskeletal/ Orthopaedics, I saw 1 affair in 20 years, but when I was younger, I did 4 years in the Tax- Civil Service, and I was and still am shocked by the cheating and intra- office goings on... all culminating at the Christmas party!

Not surprised to read it was the NHS

Lots of affairs at the hospital my work is connected with and not particularly discrete

Put people together some will start having sex regardless of their situations and what is threatened to prevent them

'BUT, it’s married men shagging single women. Married women having affairs seem to be thin on the ground'

Of course married women are having affairs, they just aren't dopy enough to get caught unlike most men.