To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

[Phineasdidit]

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

In my office - it’s the married women having affairs (I work in a male dominated area - 1:5)

I work in a school. You'd be amazed how many affairs with teachers happen.

I think the police can be quite incestuous too 🙊

Not quiet the same but I did a residential boot camp a few years
At the end we had a night out celebrating and I was shocked and actually disappointed that the owner and the two PT instructors had one night stands with 3 of the women on the camp

The owner was actually getting married two weeks later and shagged this one girl who then went a bit crazy when she found out he was getting married 😂 the house mother had to take her to the pharmacy to get the MAP
The other two women were both married and both shagged the instructors who were also married
Really put me off attending one of their camps which was a shame as it was pretty good
Another one i did in the uk was pretty much the same as well

In my experience of corporate life (20 years) extra marital shagging is rife. Usually high powered execs are the worst, perfect wife etc but want anything they want. Done very casually, not a massive deal or a cloak and dagger affair but just going off with who they like at corporate entertaining. I've seen it first hand and also been subject to the end of the night 'my wife doesn't understand me' bollocks.

These threads terrify me. I work in financial services and I am away on occasion, mostly by myself but sometimes I attend conferences and team meetings etc - I've certainly seen others shagging around and gossip is rife, but I can't imagine doing it?! I worry that if my DH (who works in a manual job with a friend) ever read anything like this he'd assume that everyone in professional jobs who go to conferences can't help but mindlessly stuff body parts into one another.

I'm not saying I haven't experienced a very infrequent proposition or two but I just laugh it off and forget about it, I thought that's what married people did? I am clearly very trusting and naive!

I’m NHS also. Few affairs that I know of and as another poster said lots of flirting.

Every workplace and every part of life is endemic with affairs...

It's apparently the other side of human nature.

My mate works for the police and he's married to a woman who works with CID or whatever it's called. He's also shagging two other coppers and is having a long standing affair of several years with a civilian 🤷 He's pretty certain his wife is having it off with a bloke in CID too.

Grim. And rife.

@snottysystem I certainly don't think everyone could have an affair. I know I could not no matter what the circumstances. I just think it is totally wrong and would never change my opinion. We are all perfectly capable of not having an affair. They don't just happen by magic

I hate that some people think it is acceptable.

No affairs/flirting where I've ever worked (nhs)

@lynsey91 Where did I say it wasn't wrong or that it was acceptable? I just think it's naive to assume that it couldn't ever possible happen to you or by you, I trust myself & my husband maybe 99.99% but there is that 0.01%. I'm sure there are plenty of murderers who never thought they were capable of murder.

@snottysystem No it's not naive to be sure you would never be unfaithful. I know 100% I wouldn't. As I said, it doesn't just happen does it? You have to choose to have sex with someone.

As I also said, I think it is totally and utterly wrong and pretty disgusting. I have more morals than that

Ten years ago I'd have never considered an affair, now I could. I am not saying I'd act on it but I'm a hell of a lot less judgemental of those I knew in them. I also don't want to leave my marriage, at all I just want the thrill of it. I realise that makes me a terrible person in a lot of people's eyes but 🤷‍♀️

I like to think I did things the right way round. I had had four consecutive long term relationships before I met DH but always managed to have one little fling during each of them. But when I met DH that was it - I love him, we're best friends and have two DCs, so it seems a bit inconceivable now.

He had been single for quite a while but quite sexually active before me, so he's hopefully got it out of his system too. I think I would have to fall madly in love with someone now to consider an affair with them, so the chances are slim I guess.

I still get the massive hots for people from time to time, but flirting is it's own reward!

No it's not naive to be sure you would never be unfaithful

I said it was naive to assume it would never happen to you and/or by you.

I consider myself very moral & Ive never cheated or got anywhere close to cheating on any of my partners. I just think being aware of how affairs can develop & happen means Im more likely to avoid certain circumstances in the future because of potential pitfalls. For example even though I'm tired with 2 young dc DH & I try to go out alone every couple of weeks & "connect" (🤮).

Affairs are common, of course some are committed by serial wronguns but humans make mistakes. I don't think acknowledging that fact makes me immoral, it's life!

Happens all the time in factories too. From senior management down to the cleaners, loads are at it where I work

I fell in love with someone from.work whilst in a relationship (which was abusive ). Had the decency to end it though before I started a relationship with this other person.

Affairs aren’t a mistake. You don’t just trip over onto someone’s cock.

They utterly destroy families.

Im not defending affairs & Im pretty sure I wouldn't be able to forgive one, I'm simply acknowledging that they happen & I don't think they are only committed by people who impersonate Lucifer on a daily basis.

Maybe I'm too tolerant, I grew up in S.London & have/had classmates end up in Feltham of prison. I can condone youths who commit crime & simultaneously feel sorry for them & in some ways recognise why they ended up in those scenarios.

There is no way I’d feel any sympathy at all for anyone who had an affair. You are just being incredibly destructive, selfish and lying to the people who totally trust you, your spouse and your children.

I’m sick of people treating affairs as if they are just weak moments for normal people. I’d equate them to physical abuse.

When I was at university male lecturers were forever trying it on with female students and some would succumb god knows why as they were usually dull middle age men with bad clothes and hair

Ex-NHS here. You will spot shenanigans if you observe closely. Not always full-on affairs or people wanting to find the next marriage partner, a lot of the time just shagging and confidence boost for the duration of a rotation then moving on to the next placement with new colleagues to pick from.

The local conferences are very social events where dinner and drinks can fuel these passions. However I find the European conferences far worse. The industry representation there seems stronger, and very competitive, and somehow the companies field the youngest, most flirtatious females for sponsored dinners where they charm senior academics and senior clinicians. The wives and partners are extended a courtesy invitation, but not often brought along. Maybe they bargain too hard and cramp the negotiating style?

@Longlongsummer give over! Equate it to physical abuse? That's ludicrous and insulting.

@Longlongsummer, I had a very black and white view of affairs for a long tine. My ex DH had an affair and it destroyed our marriage. Moving on ten years I am a lot more “shades of grey” about the whole thing.

I have a friend who is in a dead bedroom situation and has been for a long time. For various reasons she can’t/won’t leave. I wouldn’t be angry at her for seeking discrete sex elsewhere. 10 years ago I wouldn’t have said that, I would have said “you can always leave you just don’t want to”. But really life doesn’t work like that. It would, in my mind, be wrong to rip her children’s lives apart so she could be single when the only issue she has is a lack of sex.

I realise this is the extreme end of the spectrum though.

Also, after my ex had an affair, I spent months stalking infidelity forums seeking answers. Not the support after infidelity ones but the ones actively encouraging and helping people to have affairs. Aside from a few complete wankers they were mostly filled with people who did love their spouses but for various reasons were playing away.

I didn’t start this thread because I’m amazed that people cheat, I started it because I was amazed they were so open about it!

@snottysystem I just don't get how you can say it's naive to think it will never happen to you. Affairs don't just happen.

I too grew up in London and I too know quite a few people who have been to prison. Doesn't change my view on affairs in the slightest. Why would it?

I get that you can still find someone attractive if you are married and, if you work with them, you see them regularly and get to know them more. Still you have to make the decision to have sex with them. Unless your clothes magically fall off and you find yourself in bed (or wherever) with them then you have chosen to be unfaithful.

Yes humans make mistakes but being unfaithful is not a mistake. It's something you've chosen to do.

I’m the victim of a husband cheating, lying and destroying our family. And as the victim I would say that yes it was as bad as physical abuse. If anyone else who is the victim chooses to see it as less bad then that is your call.