To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

[Phineasdidit]

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

@Nerfballs oh I’m so so sorry. What a tragedy. I’m sorry for you too that is awful for you as a friend. It’s heartbreaking.

My XH worked in academia and followed what is a stereotypical path - having an affair with a much younger research student. Hence the EX.
When we were first together we laughed about all the sad older professors with their second younger wives for being such cliches. Then he became one.

He actually ended it with her when she became too embarrassing - she ended up marrying a more famous and much older international judge - so clearly it was a career path for her. Sort of put all his right on values under a harsh spotlight..... We finally split after I found out about him picking up a young opera singer on the tube and it all unravelled. What a sorry state of a man I married!

My first job at 16 was in a office with a factory below. The company was family run and also employed alot of related people. eg there was mother in accounts/daughter in processing. Different family: two cousins in printing and grandma worked in packing. Etc.There were also several married couples, some in same dept as each other some in different.
Married couple 1 man has affair with woman from couple no 2.
Man from couple no 2 had affair with woman from couple 3.
Woman from couple 1 had affair with the daughter of the boss. One of the cousins was sleeping the guy from the post room.

And there was more! Some were common knowledge, other came out over time. The best one was when man 1 (who was a md) and woman 2 (P.a to the "big boss") decided to shag in the disused comms room. It had one of those large consoles with slidy switches on, that broad cast to the factory and all of the offices.It hadn't been used in years but had never been disconnected. The factory floor heard the entire show. Husband 2 heard the lot! it was a blood bath as they stepped out of the room!

Thanks Longlongsummer. I hadn't seen her in several years (my sister's friend who spent a lot of time at our house growing up), but my sister had kept in touch and it was devastating for her. My whole family really. Just so horribly unfair

I wish people would think more about the consequences and the reality of what they're doing to their family, to their partner. I'd never cheat ever, and it's entirely possible to draw that line if you think about what you are actually doing. Overriding someone's sexual consent and removing their ability to have autonomy over their health is just something I would never ever do. I also don't think I could turn a blind eye to someone else doing so either. Would rather be shot as the messenger than stand by and watch someone else's health be put at risk.

I wish people would think more about the consequences and the reality of what they're doing to their family, to their partner.
This 👏
If you fall in love leave otherwise grow up.

I knew a guy who worked in a pub and shagged 5 or so of the barmaids there. All were married or engaged.

Police I was talking to a guy who had family in the met and so he would attend police dos. He said that they're "interesting" and police sexually aren't as squeaky clean as I thought (I was shocked). Serious question - how do police fuck on duty? Surely it would be risky and difficult to do it in public let alone a police station full of CID, coppers, etc...

For those that are interested this is one of the best written pieces I've across delving into the motives behind affairs and specifically around why happy people cheat:

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theatlantic.com/amp/article/537882/

Thanks @steppenmum I did read the article. However I think the author is putting her own romantic spin on it. Whichever way you look at it, the person having the affair is actively devastating and directly hitting their partner in order to have fun for themselves. They do not care about the hurt caused and I think that is the very definition of abuse.

Hurting I meant... not hitting!

I worked in a large country wide industry, & it was quite common for the women to shag their way up the promotion/career path without any qualms!

I don’t think monogamy is our default setting tbh. Add in normal mundane life, small children, stress and opportunity to cheat....

I was talking to a friend in the pub about this and we agreed. What varies is whether people involved are prepared to act on it. Being married for donkey's years, slaving away in a job to support your family, raising DC, with all the constraints that involves, plus the mundane reality of life is so boring! Who doesn't want a bit of excitement? Who doesn't daydream about shaking off the shackles of tedium? I've never been tempted to stray, because I lived through the wreckage of my DF doing just that, but I can understand the impulse. Having said that, I was really shocked to learn that this couple who I've known for several years now and whose DS is friends with my DS are both serially unfaithful. The DH was even hitting on another mum from our class, which I thought was very poor form.

It's pretty rife wherever I've worked tbh & I've contracted all over the place in big corporates for years now. Women do it too, they are just more secretive. I didn't know my close friend & work colleague was playing around til her IT Dept stalker (who was a friend) told me he'd hacked her Instant Messager .

I’m a police officer and the rumours are definitely true. Of the people I know in the job it would be way over half that have cheated. No shortage of opportunity or colleagues willing to cover for you, it’s not even particularly discreet. I’m not particularly aware of anyone actually DTD on the job though, it’s far too busy.

Both of my parents' workplaces have been mentioned on here and they both had affairs at work!

Nobody has mentioned my brother's though and he did too. Safe to say, it's rife in many places.

I can't help but wonder if less shagging and more work went on the world would be a safer healthier place, if all these public service employees concentrated on their actually jobs. Especially Police and NHS workers Teachers or do they wait until lunch break to shag.
I assume these affairs take some flirting etc before pants are off.
I think DC have more sense than many adults.

I’m not particularly aware of anyone actually DTD on the job though, it’s far too busy
There are a few stories on google it suggest's some are on the job.
Although I am not doubting you, knowing anyone personally doing it on the job.

Oh yes I’ve seen the odd stories in the news, I’m sure it’s a case of where there’s a will there’s a way....it would be a definite referral to PSD if caught so I’m not sure actual liaisons at work are that common but before/after seems to be fair game. Not that I condone or get involved in it!

I used to be in the army. Affairs were rife, to the point where the ones who were not having affairs were the ones who stood out. I remember going to a cafe frequented by soldiers, in Aldershot for an early breakfast one weekend with my then boyfriend. In walked a WO1 from my unit - ie much higher rank than me with a a very young woman who was not his wife - I knew his wife well. He didn't know where to look and avoided me for the rest of my time at that unit. Affairs were totally the norm and higher ranked men often took advantage of their position with young female soldiers, and on discovery one or other them would be immediately posted out and away from their "mistakes".

Blimey, which well-staffed part of the NHS do you work in that people have the time for affairs?! I'm guessing it's not the front line....;)

Police officers work shifts that allow a lot of downtime when the rest of the world is at work. If your spouse is 9-5 and you are at a loose end in the midweek then the opportunity is there.

It is also not uncommon for shifts to be extended way beyond their end times if spouses are used to you always being late off then it is easy to lie on that one night that you do get off in time , tell your spouse you are working, and slip off to a hotel.

I read somewhere that being in difficult situations together can mean that feelings develop.

Up thread a poster asked how would cops do it in public a bizarre question if ever I heard one.

Police stations are big old buildings and aren't always full 24/7 But the demands of work in a big city station mean no-one has the time!

A colleague once admitted to me that years ago, in an outlying base, she DTD with a colleague. I was shocked but she assured me it was after the shift had ended!

Finally another friend who joined at 19 said she could not believe her luck surrounded by older stronger men....she had a 3 year affair with a married colleague.

@zafferana well me and DH have been married almost 40 years (first marriage for both of us) and I can assure you we do not find our life boring.

We are still in love plus we are best friends. We like going out to the cinema, theatre, museums, art galleries etc. We chose not to have children so have always been able to go out and do things together.

Neither of us see being unfaithful as "exciting". It's immoral and totally wrong. Anyway you don't need to keep having excitement do you?

Maybe some people are not cut out for monogamy but then they should be honest and leave their husband/wife shouldn't they? I know enough people who are happy with their husband or wife though. Both my siblings married over 35 years and happy. My parents married for 66 years and happy. My aunts and uncles all married for over 60 years and seem happy. Four out of 5 cousins all married at least 30 years and seem happy. All of those first marriages too so it certainly works for some.

Even if someone thinks cheating is exciting it doesn't last long does it? A work colleague was having an affair for about a year. She left her husband and 2 children and he left his wife and young baby. It last 2 months and then she was begging her husband to take her back. She admitted that once they were living together it was boring and ordinary.

Thanks steppenmum I did read the article. However I think the author is putting her own romantic spin on it.

Completely. If I were to have an affair and told DH it was nothing to do with him, it was a growth opportunity for me I really can't see how that would be less devastating than 'I was unhappy so looked elsewhere'. Probably more devastating if the marriage is 'happy' than if there are clearly problems.

Buster72 I believe your "bizarre" remark was for me. There is nothing bizarre about my question, police these days are stretched as it is and some police buildings aren't that big let alone the risk of anyone walking in at any moment. No need for the sarcy comment.

I used to work for a government agency. I was a bit naive really for many years and then a new receptionist started. She didn't miss a trick and started pointing things out to me.

It was absolutely rife - I was particularly shocked at a man who had won awards for being a role model etc and he was having it off with one of the secretaries - he had a wife and four kids at home and was always 'Mr Perfect'.

I don't know how they've all got the time or the energy.