To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

[Phineasdidit]

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

It's not so risky. Your married man will probably have a position of power and be earning a bit more than usual. His wife will be used to his earnings coming in every month and will either turn a blind eye or decide the grass isn't greener giving up him and his wage for a bit if dignity. The single girl he's shagging will be chuffed she's snagged the boss or just someone who can afford to take her out or treat her to expensive lingerie.
All this is as old as time itself. Why be amazed, human beings are weak.

I remember being very shocked when I joined a large insurance company at how rife this was. Again, usually seemingly nice family men in incredibly cliche situations like an affair with their graduate or PA.

Actually found myself having a go at my DH because of their behaviour ("why do men do this" etc) before I had to snap out of it and not tar him with the same brush!!!

@Phineasdidit

Married women just tend to be much better at hiding them. More to lose, statistically.

My woman, who works at a well respected British University, once told me that a female member of staff was caught receiving a full colour enlargement in landscape mode in the photocopying room..

DH best friend has a big job in a bank. He's ok looking but obvs earns a wedge. He's told DH he has been propositioned a dozen of times by female staff & he's sure that it would remain secret. So far he's never strayed

Worked in various schools and affairs were rife and open knowledge .The head was sleeping with one of the pastoral staff (both married). The science room cupboard seemed to be most popular with couples for assignations Banging over the Bunsen burners. Felt like donning a Hazmat suit before I entered it.

I think with the advent of social media, hidden messaging apps, burner phones and longer working hours this just seems to be the standard these days then.

Fuck I’m glad I’m not married!’

@UrkStarkadder, yes think it’s the openness which surprised me. Everyone seems to know!

No wonder there is a lack of any kind of “bring your husband/wife” social occasions!

I think it’s much more common than people think, in all areas of life. Nothing surprises me anymore.

My ex dh worked for a high street chemists as a manager and everyone was shagging each other - him included, hence the “ex”. Lots of shifts, parties, socialising etc. Lots of opportunities.

I used to work as a barmaid in a pub when I was 18 (long time ago now!) and I used to see all sorts going on at the end of the night - people waiting for people round corners, people passing each other discreet notes (before mobiles)! Then their wives would come in and they’d act all smiley and like nothing was going on at all, sometimes even the woman having the thing with them would be mates with the wife and carry on like they were her best friend. I’ve seen it all.

I think people do just get to a point where they can’t be bothered anymore though. I was very flirty and free when I was younger (not affairs, just generally when I was single) and yes there is something magic about that initial attraction but then it’s all the same shit, everyone is human, we’re all just a mass of skin and bones and sex is pretty overrated. I’m long time married now and the thought of doing all that again does nothing for me at all, I’d much rather be at home with dh watching TV and eating chocolate...!

My dad was a serial adulterer- married 4 times and cheated on all of them including my mum (we once found a pair of knickers in the car as we were about to go out for the day when I was about 8 and I remember clearly how angry my mum was!) he’s 78 now and he’s just about calmed down. I think. Who knows.

People cheat a lot.

@Arnoldthecat your first goady post didn't work huh, so you thought you'd try another 🤨

In the civil service it is common as well. I work on a team of mostly men and the things I hear are honestly disgraceful (and I’m really not a pearl clutching prude!)

the admin girls

They are not girls, they are women.

@cometothinkofit

At 18 I’d say it’s fair to say “girl”

Ime it was mostly married senior men with junior associates or hr women. Corporate teams worst as long hours
Only once was it a married woman she had a rocky marriage with young dc she started an affair with my male temp secretary! He was just out of university so doing a summer job was very handsome and great secretary

Affairs happen everywhere. I worked at a cafe that must have has sex hormones painted on the walls, it seemed like everyone was on the lookout. A husband and wife worked there and the husband still managed to have an affair. Another married man would serve his wife food when she came in and then go back to chasing his waitress bit on the side. And one manager was having an affair with the manager of a shop across the way and his wife came in one day to call her a whore in front of the customers. I also worked in a 6 person company, 2 of them married and having an affair.

At primary school my teacher got pregnant by the married headmaster. It took me years to figure out why people weren't thrilled for them both!

I think once you look for it, it's everywhere. My best friend is dealing with the fact that her solid, faithful, would never cheat husband used to meet up with a colleague at lunchtimes while their child was young. He told her because his counsellor recommended it, she'd never have known otherwise...

I guess people in the NHS work such long hours that they spend more time with co workers then their own wife/husband, they get to know each other pretty well, not saying that makes it right, I think cheating is awful

I'm not surprised, people don't look after their relationships these days. The ones to suffer are the children.
We either need to move away from considering monogamy the norm, and accept that people will have numerous partners throughout their life, which is now the norm. Or, stop accepting other people's second hand cast offs, especially if they already have kids.

Both my parents had affairs at work! Also my brother.

I do think it's men more than women though... I don't really know why I think that, because I don't suppose many women would tell me if they were having affairs, so I'd never know. My instinct is that men do it more though.

Or, stop accepting other people's second hand cast offs, especially if they already have kids.

What a horrible way to describe another human being.

The band 8 who's shagging a band 2 is leaving himself wide open to a sexual harassment claim, when he tires of her and homes in on another junior staff member.

I work In the NHS in a male heavy department but there is no culture of this and I would be shocked to find out any of them were having affairs. Interestingly there are no divorced or separated Consultants. I have travelled with them and we are a relatively dull bunch (suits me fine)

However I have a male friend who is a surgeon and he said the behaviour of his colleagues at conferences is shocking.

I worked in quite a few different places with 100+ employees when I was a bit younger and never knew of anyone having a work affair.

I work in the medical field and it’s rife. Even “happily” married men flirt outrageously. Like, actually sexually suggestive. I’m the least flirty person and it makes me feel really uncomfortable.
One of my colleagues said she heavily flirted with one of the surgeons - I saw her differently after she told me that. She’s married and has a kid.

@lucked medical conferences are the worst!!! Every goes for a drink after...