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Original poster

To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

275 replies

Phineasdidit · 13/10/2019 10:39

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 13/10/2019 17:12

I have a couple of friend who work in the police and apparently its the same.
Although, don't think it matters where you work. My dad had a 9 moth affair behind my mums back, they had been married for 25 years. He was the last person you would suspect of cheating.
I know so many people who have had affairs, it's so depressing to think about, and makes me so suspicious of everything dp does. I am very much a "never trust anyone" type of person. I can't help it, its just from experiences I've had through life.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 13/10/2019 17:22

As soon as I saw your thread title I thought "this will be either NHS or Police".
Anyone who has worked in essential services knows both are notorious for this When I was a Nurse lots of my colleagues were married to other Nurses or Policemen and so many of their marriages ended due to infidelity. Oh and people "saying, I doubt they actually have sex on the wards"...some of them do unfortunately! I remember being on a run of night shifts with a male Nurse and female HCA who were having an affair (both married to other people) and they kept disappearing for twenty minute "fag breaks", leaving me to deal with all the shit, and coming back looking all flushed and being stupidly giggly like a couple of teenagers. Wiped the smirk off his face when I pointed out his fly was open. Also walked in on a Doctor (married) and a Student Nurse young enough to be his Daughter. They were just snogging but it was still grim.

Tehmina2 · 13/10/2019 17:34

I work in the NHS & I'm single, lots of married senior male colleagues have tried to flirt with me & asked me out, asked for sex, one even asked me to travel to Portugal for a conference with him... I've said no to all of it.

I've sadly also been sexually assaulted in the hospital by 2 male members of staff.

I've done Nothing to lead them on, I'm just average looking & not a flirt.
But if you are known to be single it seems the men see you as fair game.

However a lot of the women I work with turn into stupid giggly girls when the surgeons appear it's embarrassing.
The Xmas party is always a real eye opener.

If you are married to an NHS doctor, surgeon, anaesthetist, nurse, manager or even porter! Just don't trust them.

CountFosco · 13/10/2019 17:41

I think that there can be different cultures where it is or is not acceptable.

This. I've worked at my workplace for 20 years and can think of only one affair (very disapproved of by the senior management), one married male that is known to get drunk at social events and then starts making a pass at everyone, there are rumours of an affair and he snogged a colleague 20 years older than him once (she never drank at a works do again). That's in a workplace of a few hundred employees. Very few divorced people as well. I'm a scientist who works in pharma.

Like a PP said I can't quite imagine going from discussing work to having an affair, it's so high risk.

Mesaageinmybottle · 13/10/2019 17:43

There is an element of a lot of emergency services and medical staff seeing a lot of bad things and having a bit of live life while you can.

The80sweregreat · 13/10/2019 17:43

It was rife in my old office in the 80s and 90s. Just heard about a friend of a friend whose dh is having one and has now moved out the marital home. I thought he was one of the good guys and I bet it's someone he worked with too! Long hours, travelling a lot so plenty of opportunities to cheat etc.
I had a friend who always seemed to get involved with married men. Always a reason it wasn't working out with their wives : they were going to leave them anyway etc etc.
It's all nothing new sadly.

Ponoka7 · 13/10/2019 17:45

"I have a couple of friend who work in the police and apparently its the same."

I was single and iny 30's, so were my friends. Whenever there were Police incidents in work (went with the territory), there'd always be 'a follow up' at one if our home addresses by an older officer. Who would then tell is how he was so badly treated in his marriage and was desperate for affection etc.

All of the prostitutes that I've ever known have all been visited regularly by married policemen.

steppenmum · 13/10/2019 17:46

RAF officers are apparently well known for it as we found out over Christmas. BIL has been posted abroad for 3 months and was home for Christmas when something was said in passing about affairs and SIL blurted out "and next time they can keep their guilt to themselves!" As she about hurled the sprouts at her husband who went very red. Apparently SIL didn't wish to know. We all pretended as if it hadn't happened and I poured more wine quickly....

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind · 13/10/2019 17:52

Hi @DesMartinsPetCat Grin

Drabarni · 13/10/2019 17:58

Well I've really been a sahm and dh mostly works from home. No wonder we've made over 30 years of monogamy, we have no colleagues.
We have been known to take a really long lunch or the entire afternoon off Wink

Actionhasmagic · 13/10/2019 17:59

My first boss had an affair with a director at the small company I was receptionist at AND HER HUSBAND WORKED THERE! After that nothing surprised me

5BlueHydrangea · 13/10/2019 17:59

I'm NHS. When I worked in a surgical unit it was very common amongst theatre staff. One senior consultant surgeon (married) was interrupted in a compromising situation with another Dr in his office by a cleaner who was quite traumatised! He did eventually split up with his wife and move in with said Dr but knowing him I wonder how many others he 'met' along the way. People treat him a bit like a God.
Also re medical/nursing conferences there seems to be a bit of 'what happens at x stays at x' like they all have permission to do what they like!
Very wrong in my book.

BlueJava · 13/10/2019 18:04

It's rife in some offices - I once worked in a consultancy company and on my first day 2 ppl (man/worman) were at it in the ladies toilet cubicle when I went to the loo at lunch time. I realised after a few weeks that several people were at it - but luckily got put on customer site and could avoid it.

Original poster
Phineasdidit · 13/10/2019 18:10

Ok anyone want to name change and admit to any of this?!

OP posts:
Skysblue · 13/10/2019 18:10

I’ve worked at 2 places. The first was a City Law firm. Affairs between lawyers seemed rare and when they did happen, it was always a senior guy with a junior girl. When the firm found out they would haul the senior guy in and basically say “Are you marrying her? Or are you resigning?” I guess it was an old fashioned office.

  1. The second was a civil servant department. A lot of people seemed to be married yet sleeping with colleagues and laughing about it and the attitude was “what a lad / fun girl” I was really shocked by the contrast with my law firm! And found the civil service a rather sleazy place to work. (Reflects on colleague who randomly tried to give me a shoulder rub 🤢)

So I guess what I’m saying is culture on this varies a lot between different offices yet we tend to assume everywhere is the same. I certainly don’t think affairs are the norm.

BanKittenHeels · 13/10/2019 18:32

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

Emergency Department by any chance? About 1/3 of the staff on the floor of our ED are at either with each other or someone from an assessment ward/Radiology. It’s pretty much accepted that that’s the way it is.
I don’t know how they have the energy or frankly, the time between paperwork and patients to be dealing with shagging and smutty texts.

ooooohbetty · 13/10/2019 18:41

What a depressing thread. I don't know anyone who is having an affair and I'd never have one. I work in a very large organisation and I only know of one couple who had an affair, they both left their spouses and children and are living together now. I think it's a horrible selfish thing to do. If I was so unhappy in my marriage that I wanted to have an affair I'd leave. People who have affairs are liars and I think very badly of them.

Original poster
Phineasdidit · 13/10/2019 18:59

YES ED! Do I know you Grin

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/10/2019 19:01

What a depressing thread. I don't know anyone who is having an affair and I'd never have one.

You don't know of anyone having an affair but it's quite possible you do know someone who is having an affair.

Despite this thread, most people tend to keep their affairs to themselves.

ooooohbetty · 13/10/2019 19:02

True @WorraLiberty. The couple who were having the affair at work were quite brazen about it but I guess most others wouldn't be.

Auldspinster · 13/10/2019 19:32

I can vouch for the Civil Service being a knocking shop.

ForalltheSaints · 13/10/2019 19:36

Two out of the last 5 Prime Ministers and a third allegedly, so its not just in the NHS and Police.

The80sweregreat · 13/10/2019 19:47

It is a depressing thread but most of my friends are on second marriages or single following a divorce or had affairs and usually it's the women that went off with other men.

EveshamMum · 13/10/2019 19:57

I was the OW once, I just didn’t know about it!

It was a small firm and I was 17, it was my first job as an admin and one of the engineers used to come and chat to me when I was filing, he was just out of uni so probably only 21 or 22. He wasn’t much to look at but he had a great personality and we really hit it off, next he started giving me a lift in to work and we started flirting and we kissed a few times when he dropped me off home. One day we were chatting as usual in the filing room when one of our colleagues walked in and said something along the lines of not long till the wedding now Andrew and he went bright red and it took me a couple of seconds before the penny dropped. I couldn’t believe he was cheating before he was even married!

He came round to my house to see if I wanted to carry on seeing him on the side, as if!

TooManyPaws · 13/10/2019 20:13

I worked as police staff for some time and, yes, it was endemic. Where I worked was so bad that it even hit the papers due to one affair where the spouse found out and joined in as a threesome. The OW was having a simultaneous affair with another married man. So much gossip so no wonder the press eventually got wind of it.

The military reserves are so rife for it, it's almost incestuous.

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