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Original poster

To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

275 replies

Phineasdidit · 13/10/2019 10:39

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 14/10/2019 23:43

You tend to find that affairs become less common the further up you go in an organisation, simply because when you’re recruiting someone to put in front of shareholders you need someone who is squeaky clean

What area of work is that. Many industries they don’t care as long as business is doing ok. Shareholders don’t give a toss about who is shagging who if it’s not impacting business

100PercentThatBitch · 14/10/2019 23:45

Not read the full thread but wanted to add that it was absolutely rife (and likely still is) at the NHS unit I was working for, to the point were people are having to work cooperatively with/see every day the guy their partner cheated with and is now married to

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2019 00:04

I saw a few affairs throughout my working life, mainly one offs at Christmas parties.
I didn't think it was that common. Shock
I wouldn't have the energy.

MarkinTime · 15/10/2019 00:08

Affairs happen in all work places, sadly.
Women are just as culpable as men, they're just better at hiding it.
A place where i once worked was so bad for it that it was hard to keep track of who was shagging who!
I

Workplace affairs go on in all industries sadly. Women are just as culpable as the men, they're just better at hiding it.
A place that i once worked at was so bad for it that it was hard to keep track over who was shagging who.
I've got enough on with one bloke, having another on the go would fair spin my head.
( besides, it would mean having to shave my legs and pits and i can't be arsed with that either )

MarkinTime · 15/10/2019 00:10

I have no idea what happened with my post there, i was typing and it disappeared, retyped, posted and it reappeared Confused
Maybe my posts are having an affair with each other?

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2019 00:12

The Christmas party shenanigans were mainly married women with the young fellas from the engineering crew.
My first party I was shocked. One lady in particular was so gentle and kind married 2 DC, every Christmas party for 7 years she'd shag someone.
Her work buddy would do the same, the buddy had a late august baby the rumours were flying on the daddy.
I now work with her husband the child is 7. I never mentioned to him I know his wife. He is a lovely man they're married 15 years
It's a small world.

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2019 00:15

besides, it would mean having to shave my legs and pits and i can't be arsed with that either
My thoughts too.

spottedbadger · 15/10/2019 04:40

Used to work shifts in an office, there were nightshifts where out of 15 people on shift, 6 were having affairs with each other, all married or in long term relationships. One couple got pregnant, divorced their partners and almost a decade on, are still together. She works part time, he still works shifts and is now having an affair with a junior colleague, 15 years younger Hmm over the years there were all sorts, workers caught mid-blowjob in the lift, shagging in the boardroom on lunch breaks and at one point, meeting rooms had to be locked overnight to prevent staff from sneaking off ‘for a quick snooze’. No idea where they all got the energy, and I was one of the youngest staff Confused

SoyDora · 15/10/2019 08:06

You tend to find that affairs become less common the further up you go in an organisation, simply because when you’re recruiting someone to put in front of shareholders you need someone who is squeaky clean.

Ha. Not in banking.

Nerfballs · 15/10/2019 10:34

This whole thread is just horribly sad and terrifying Sad I don't get how people who cheat and have sex with both their partner and their OW/OM can't see that they are effectively voiding their partner's consent to sex and control over their own health. It is an abuse and should be recognized as such. It is one that can have very very serious consequences and it is horrific that people can be so blase and accepting of it. I could never forgive my DH if he had an affair because of the complete lack of regard for my bodily autonomy, my health and my ability to consent. My consent to sex with him is founded on a mutually exclusive relationship; if he changed that arrangement without my knowledge and continued to have sex with me knowing that I would not do so if I knew the truth - that to me would be rape. He would have voided my consent. I could not and would not tolerate that.

And before anyone tells me I'm being overly dramatic, a family friend of mine died from her husband's affair. He contracted HIV, passed it to her, she died in her thirties leaving primary-aged children behind. Her life for his jollies. And no, condoms do not provide 100% protection. She deserved better. Anyone showing so little regard for another's health and consent, let alone someone they supposedly love, is the lowest of the low in my opinion. Love your spouse? Don't cheat. Hate your spouse? Get a divorce. The only socially acceptable affairs should be those where all parties have full knowledge and have consented to it. Anything else is abuse and should be treated with the horror and disdain it deserves.

anniemac1 · 15/10/2019 10:38

brill reply ssd. Made me laugh. Thanks

EmeraldShamrock · 15/10/2019 11:35

My first two relationships ended by cheating, it left me with an inferiority complex in my teens early 20's. I've never been with another woman's husband or partner. Each to their own affairs wouldn't be for me.

Quorafun · 15/10/2019 11:43

I work in the NHS and I've never seen or known of people having affairs. Perhaps I am blind as well as naive?

Inebriati · 15/10/2019 11:56

Perhaps you just worked in well managed departments among people who had some integrity?

IamPickleRick · 15/10/2019 12:01

Teachers are so bad for it as well. I know about 4 affairs currently in full swing.

shinyhappypeeps · 15/10/2019 13:41

snottysystem is on the right track imo.......married women have a lot more to lose, they have invested a lot more emotionally into DC and still worry what society thinks of them if they have any affair - hence you don't hear a lot of women bragging or flaunting it..it's not something to brag about with your female friends as they would all think their DHs were your next prey....next time you are in a group of females bring up the subject and see who keeps quiet or "has an open mind" - most likely they are or have had an affair......

Longlongsummer · 15/10/2019 16:56

My step mother had several long affairs with married men in the RAF, and private corporate companies before she met my father, who at the time was divorced. I have to say it has defined who she is, someone who is selfish and manipulates. Someone who climbs onto being attractive to men as number, and she is devoid of personality.

She’s passed that onto to her daughter who is also now having affairs with married men, in order to further her career when she isn’t t good at her jobs.

My father is no better, which is probably why he ended up with another cheater too. I try and have nothing to do with any of them as they are all too selfish. I’m not listening to my half sisters woes about her latest affair.

Now I’m older I really do value people in my life who are not like this. My mother is absolutely a rock. So much integrity and kindness. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. She passed that on to us as kids and none of us will ever have an affair.

I think it’s quite an insidious way of life and a culture that does not bring out the best in people.

Longlongsummer · 15/10/2019 17:00

It is an abuse and should be recognized as such. It is one that can have very very serious consequences and it is horrific that people can be so blase and accepting of it. I actually agree with this, I said similar on this thread and just had posters laughing that I could equate it with abuse.

It was only when I was cheated on while I was pregnant, and the STI clinic told me I was lucky not to have caught an infection that could have endangered my unborn child’s life that even I woke up to the full horrific possibilities.

lululu16 · 15/10/2019 21:03

@Nerfballs and @Longlongsummer totally agree with you two! your posts brought a tear to my eye- i feel so passionately about this!
the thought of it makes me feel sick.
my dad had loads of affairs and 4 were with my mums good friends..completely put her health at risk and she has suffered ever since

Longlongsummer · 15/10/2019 21:12

@lulu I’m sorry you’ve been through it too. I know some people see this as ‘just sex’ or a bit of weakness, I don’t know. However it’s not it is devastating. If you are young and experimenting, carefree and no kids, well that is less so but even then you hear of young people feeling suicidal over relationships - our relationships are so so important to us aren’t they. Your poor mother. Mine has never recovered either. She still loves him I think. She sees herself as lower than him I think, and I think my father had affairs as he saw himself as better. That is the heart of it imho. He was charismatic, handsome, charming and a star in his high flying job.

He wasted all that charisma. I just see a selfish man who abandoned me for pretty women half his age and nearer mine. He’s desperate for my admiration I think, and confused why he’s not got it from me. And all the pretty women are long gone. His wife will not care for him in his old age, she still expects him to do everything for her. Whereas my mum is surrounded by her children, us, and we really do admire her.

BanKittenHeels · 15/10/2019 21:18

YES ED! Do I know you

Possibly, if you’re in the NW. Grin
The things I’ve seen and even worse than that, the things I can SMELL.

DH is a doctor at another hospital, he covers a variety of wards due to his specialism - so he gets all the gossip - told me today of a CT3 doctor shagging a nurse and getting caught in the act in hospital property. The worst part is they were caught two days before they were both getting married TO OTHER PEOPLE. 😮

Nerfballs · 15/10/2019 22:05

Longlongsummer & Lulu it's horrible. So sorry you both had to go through it.

I didn't start thinking about affairs in terms of consent and health until I found out what had happened to our friend. She was the loveliest person who came from a shitty, abusive background and who made something of herself, only to have the future she had worked so hard for and absolutely deserved taken away from her by her selfish, reckless asshole of a husband. His affair put a loaded gun to her head and pulled the trigger. I was heartsick when I found out and so so so angry. If he hadn't cheated she would still be alive and her kids would grow up with their mum. He didn't just destroy his own life and hers - he destroyed theirs too. All for a shag on the side. THIS is what you risk when you cheat while still having sex with your partner. It is absolutely unacceptable and should be viewed as being in the same category as 'stealthing' (non-consensual condom removal during sex) - ie sexual assault or rape-adjacent able to be prosecuted through the courts.

Northernlurker · 15/10/2019 22:19

I'm NHS. I've known of affairs in the wards -doctor/nurse - and in management - exec/pa - but the real hot bed is Theatres. I've no idea how anybody gets their surgery tbh Wink

RossPoldark · 15/10/2019 23:01

My DH works in a senior position in a very large financial organisation. Lots of high earners, big egos, travelling, drinks with brokers, fancy lunches, conferences, lots of big swinging dicks basically. He always claims no one is having affairs or shagging around but I just raise an eyebrow to that. Either he's hopelessly naïve (very possibly) or he's part of the culture and thinks it best just to deny it exists (possible too I guess).

ReadyPayerTwo · 15/10/2019 23:43

Wheresmymojo I think, like me, you luckily got it out of your system before marriage!!

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