To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

[Phineasdidit]

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

I'd agree with the sentiment OP, my DM worked in the NHS and the affairs were common knowledge- usually GP's and receptionists. DP works in finance and it is no better, I used to work fairly high up in retail and it was the same, just open secrets really where everyone at work knew but spouses at home did not, nobody ever told them even when they came in or socialised with them.

Have served several weddings over the years as a result of knowing the bride or groom are sleeping with a mutual colleague and have been for some time. So off putting and difficult to respect your 'superiors' when you know what awful pathetic people they are.

I don't think affairs are something only "bad" people do. Humans are fallible. I think infidelity is wrong & I don't like to think I would ever cheat on DH & likewise for him. However I don't think it's something that only happens to "other" people. I'm never going to be in a situation where I get drunk at an office party & grope a young intern. But it's not outside the realms of possibility that if DH & I weren't getting along, the baby wasn't sleeping & a colleague who I was close to gave me some much needed attention that something might happen. Therefore I would hopefully be mindful of those circumstances before they arise.

I think that there can be different cultures where it is or is not acceptable. I taught in one school where there were people having affairs - and yes, it was older male staff hitting on younger females. The school I work in now I can't imagine it. We're all very friendly and get on great, but that 'vibe' just isn't there. Some of the teachers have their kids at the school and we see their partners every day, and have family social meet-ups outside of work.

I think that's very different from a workplace where people travel or go to the pub alone as if they're all single.

My neices and nephews who work in the police think it is disgusting and I am as certain as I can be that they have never had an affair either.

I'm sure plenty of workers will be the same.

Then again, those who have been working for say 20 years may have also felt the same years ago.

Life, relationships and outlooks often change throughout the years, although obviously not always.

Stone the lot of them!

I don’t think monogamy is our default setting

It’s mine! The idea of having an affair turns my stomach.

My last company was notorious. We had two employees, both married to other people, in a relation for over ten years. In work, they were treated like a couple- shared room booked for Christmas party etc. Outside of work, I don’t know if their respective spouses knew, but children had been born into both marriages while the affair was going on.

I’d estimate that a good 20% of the employee population were riding each other, and a large percentage of those were in marriages/relationships.

I hated the culture there.

DH works for a Trade Union and it’s much the same. Loads of conferences and overnight travel, it’s easy to get away with it. Most of his organisation’s (male) senior staff are on their second marriages or at least divorced once because the culture is so accepting of people straying.

I heard the police was the same. Because people were working long hours in close proximity and often supporting each in other in shared experiences it was really easy to slip into an affair situation.

A happily married director at my work quite openly rotates a handful of senior (but not quite as senior) men as her flings. Pretty sure her husband thinks they are happily married. Pretty sure the wives of the senior men think they are happily married.

I was talking with my cousin and she was talking about this in her work place. .ajoirty of people working there are men. They don't have affairs with colleagues but other people. Always after work drinks some of the men went on the pull. Monday's lunch discussion was about their affairs. It destroyed her trust for men for a quite a while.

While I'm not shocked that people have affairs, I'm baffled why they are so open about it. That's already another level of disrespect. If my partner is going to have an affair or cheat on me then I want him to do it in secret and nobody knowing.

I know at least three married men in the village where I live, who are seeing other women on the side. I see their wives standing around the school gates here,dropping off,and picking up their children most days.

It's nothing new though,as I have lived,and worked in a lot of places over the years,and flings,affairs or sexual encounters , and cheating, go on all the time.

All a bit tawdry, innit?

I used to work in Medical sales and regularly took doctors to conferences. It was rife as described. I once managed to put our key speaker on the same table between his wife and his lover! 😂😂

DD (22) has been propositioned countless times since joining the Police. About 85% of them were married.

I'm nhs and have only seen one affair but quite a few relationships. The affair I found out about 6 months after they both left. She was obviously flirting with anything in trousers but he was much more quiet so I completely missed it (I'm clearly unobservant). He had a newborn baby too and lost it all for a quick shag. Idiot. They're not together now and it's interesting her career sees her bounce from contract to contract. I think I must give off strong "taken" vibes.

I used to work in a very famous London hospital and was rife with affairs. Married male consultants even turned up at the Christmas party with young staff nurses. They actually even used the bodice of one nurse to do the raffle ( she was wearing it at the time. I boyfriend at at the time was absolutely shocked at that Xmas party and he worked in the city It’s worse at the top with consultants and very senior nurses. Often the top nurses are not married but had long term affairs. It was fantastic for gossip!
I now work in a very boring District General where everyone seems to be playing by the rules, or I am just missing out on the gossip

If1 in 50 children are not their "father's" child as has been suggestedfor 50 years plus in the UK then a lot of this must be about.

@xenia, and they’re just the ones who got pregnant. Must be countless women who don’t. How does anyone trust anyone at all!

I heard the police was the same. Because people were working long hours in close proximity and often supporting each in other in shared experiences it was really easy to slip into an affair situation. a relative of mine entered the police force and on his first day of training the whole group were addressed and the person doing the talk said “at least one of you will have an affair during the next twelve week training period.”

I’ve worked in multiple companies and affairs have always been rife. Especially in the one where partners were very much not encouraged at social events.

But I disagree that it’s only men who have affairs,the statistics show that the numbers are around equal between men and women and those are just the ones who admit it. I think that actually affairs are far more common than people like to admit and that most people will have an affair at some point.

Of all the marriages I’ve known which have broken down, the majority have been where the women have cheated, except the one whose partner cheated on her and her first encounter after that was with a married man. .

Many many years ago (before social media) I worked in a large shopping mall with its own bus concourse. I'd say about 90% of the bus drivers we're having it away with girls in various shops.

For a long time I believed that bus drivers specifically were prone to philandering.

I always wonder how affairs start - I have been married 11 years and feel like starting an affair would just be really cringey more than anything. Plus yes, ain't nobody got time for that either!

A friend of my DH's was caught sexting an overseas colleague and I always wondered how that got off the ground. Like, how does it go from 'can I have those figures by Tuesday morning please' to 'I'm thinking about your tits right now'?

@PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind

Hello

When you said at the end of your post that you work for the NHS, no I was not surprised.

The Police Force is rife with it too.

I work in a huge City law firm and it's depressingly rife here. So many lawyers having affairs, mainly with each other but quite a few lawyer and secretary affairs going on. So much opportunity and loads of unsociable hours make it so easy.

Teaching too. Schools are absolute knocking shops. One marriage has gone down this year already due to in school affair.
Big staff, working long hours.