To be astounded by how many people at work are having affairs

[Phineasdidit]

I recently took a secondment to another department (previous department was very female heavy), out of maybe 40/50 men a good 20 of them are currently having affairs. Either with colleagues, or women in other departments.

Common knowledge, not gossip.

There doesn’t seem to be any age factor or mid life crisis going on. Just an attitude of 🤷‍♀️ that’s real life.

I don’t mind saying where I work (NHS), so lots of opportunity with late nights and working closely but I’m still astounded by how open they are about it.

I worked in nhs & it's rife also I worked in private sector head office & it was rife also and all the cliches etc. Like a lot of people have said so many factors contribute, life's a hard graft & kids jobs then possible menopause/ ill health etc I think it's something people like to have (a little secret) just for them to escape from the monotony. It's a risky path though & you have to be aware of what you could lose ultimately.

The women are cheating just as much as the men. Have you ever seen the Maury Show’s paternity test episodes?
I am always shocked by the number of women cheating
The main difference is that women usually get away with it, because men( including the cheating ones) can’t believe that their wives/ partners cheat.
I have even worked in a company where a senior female partner was caught performing fellatio on a security guard

"I don't know anyone who has ever had an affair, or whose partner has"

Do you know anyone who's on a second marriage? Some of that could be down to an affair. (They say that men hardly ever leave unless there's another woman).

I’d heard it was rife in the Police so I guess NHS is similar, long shifts, odd hours and stressful environment must all be contributory factors.

I work in legal services and caught 2 of the ‘happily married’ solicitors kissing in a supermarket car park a few weeks ago, I was totally shocked, they’ve both gone right down in my estimation.

"I was in the armed forces for 10 years and Im not shocked by this. I'd say of the men I met 60/70% had affairs or had cheated on their wife/girlfriend. The attitude there was very accepting of it."

You're talking about people working away from home, yes? Rates of cheating is obviously much higher in that situation.

When I worked on a boat, ALL the men who worked away were either cheating or trying to. Not necessarily affairs, sometimes just flings on the side and they still loved their partners/spouses.

When my friend was working for an agency, she did a year in a police station and said affairs in the emergency services were rife.

I think a lot of the time it's because the opportunity is there. Their husbands/wives were used to them working long shifts at a moments notice and would have no idea whether they were at work or shacked up in a cheap hotel.

Wow, shocked this is so common!

DH works in the fitness industry and manages a lot of young, probably quite impressionable, often attractive women but I know for a fact he’s far too exhausted to be shagging them 😂 Everyone always moans about their husbands having hobbies but I can see some benefits! I’d rather he was out cycling than having a quickie with Carly from reception in the cleaning cupboard.

I’m clearly working in the wrong area of the NHS because of the literally hundreds of midwives and other maternity staff I know, I can think of about two who have actually gone out with a doctor.

I think the assumption that men ultimately want out of their marriages is wrong. Hence the begging the wife not to divorce when they get caught. They want their cake (wifework done) and a lovely fresh exciting sex life on the side. But I also don’t believe that every woman shagging a married man is looking to take him away from his wife. Certainly two that I know would have no interest in having a relationship with the men they were/are having an affair with. It’s just convenient sex.

I also don’t think they are shagging their way up the ladder ffs

Midwifery has to be female heavy though?

OP which medical specialty is this? I’ve heard that some specialties are much worse than others!

I wouldn't have believed this until recently, I didn't know anyone who'd even had an affair. However, after my exH and I separated, I discovered that he had had an affair a couple of years earlier, whilst we were living overseas. He was her boss, and I used to joke that she was his 'work wife'. Turns out, I wasn't so far off the mark, but not having an adulterous bone in my body, I trusted him and thought nothing of their 'friendship'. He withdrew from the marriage at that point, but blamed me and my mental health problems for the breakdown of our marriage, when it was him all along. My current partners exW had an affair with a work colleague, which is why their marriage broke down. So on reflection, it probably is more common than you'd think.

There are a few going on at work, some people are completely open about it. The issue for me is that it shows they aren’t trust worthy, not something I want on my team.

A guy I went to uni with has been with his wife since uni, they are now early thirties, he is a serial cheat, I really don’t know how they’re still married.

I had a partner who regularly worked away, we discussed whether or not monogamy would work when he was away, in the end we both decided monogamy or ending the relationship. As someone who had been his friend for a long time (so had seen him in relationships), I trusted him to stick to his side of the bargain and I stuck to mine.

Phineas, I spent most of my working life in the NHS and affairs are extremely common.

Women who are having an affair are generally more discreet and they like having a secret

As others have said, it's very common in the police force and up to a point, the fire service. They have plenty of opportunities; if they don't come home when expected, they blame the job - in the case of the police, they're not supposed to talk about ongoing investigations so wife will know not to ask for details.

There are plenty of people, though, who wouldn't dream of having an affair, they value their marriages.

I used to work in the NHS and the first place I worked was a hotbed of people having affairs with colleagues. Not everyone, of course, but quite a number!
I was shocked, tbh.

Next place I worked (still in the NHS), nothing like as many.

How utterly depressing.

My Dad had affairs. I can say it ruined our family and still has negative effects years later.

My Ex had affairs and our son has grow up without a family. I made the best of it but really he needed us to be together, instead he’s emotionally and financially been deprived.

It’s really terrible and people treating affairs like smarties are like people not putting seatbelts on children. It’s so damaging.

I worked in solicitors' offices for over 30 years and there were so many people having affairs. Solicitors with their secretaries or with other solicitors. Or in a couple of cases, solicitors with barristers.

Three of my family work in the police and they say it is rife. They all think it is disgusting (all in their 20's or early 30's).

I have never had an affair not because I couldn't be bothered but because I think infidelity is totally wrong.

I love my DH and respect him. Why would I treat him so badly? Been married over 30 years and have never been interested in anyone else

The numbers don't bare out though. At least some of these people saying how awful and disgusting it is are likely to be having affairs themselves no? It's not like the people who are having affairs are walking around condoning it

I beg to differ OP. I would suggest that the word 'girl' refers to a child rather than an adult. A person of 18 and in employment is legally an adult. It does nobody any favours to refer to them as girls - in fact I think it is demeaning.

Well I think it's disgusting and I certainly have never had an affair. My neices and nephews who work in the police think it is disgusting and I am as certain as I can be that they have never had an affair either.

Perhaps Steve and Brenda are at it over the bedpan crusher while the rest of us are busy looking after our vulnerable patients.

Poor Steve and Brenda - Favourite Song will have their beady eyes on you. Watch out!!!

When I worked in offices in my 20s lots of sex between colleagues
Had a few flings myself
I was single so free to do as I pleased
Certainly made work more interesting

It was rife when I worked in nursing homes. Men and women

cometothinkofit, nothing wrong with using the word 'girl' even if, strictly speaking, it means female child. Do you not have 'girl friends' or 'girls nights out' ? It really isn't worth making an issue and I'm adding to it now but won't mention it again.

@07Deathraystare

If Steve and Brenda are at it over the bedpan crusher, then good for them, the dirty utility room is living up to its name