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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Best mate overstepped boundaries opinion.

159 replies

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 16:30

Hi there just a brief background info, I'm a single parent to two kids under 6 and currently 32 weeks pregnant with baby 3. I've known this girl about 5 years and we have become really close this past year when I've had no family or much friend support.

This friend of mine knew about my past experiences with sexual assault and difficulties with that and she also knows my opinion on her husband as I've said in nice ways I don't understand the attraction to him when we have discussed our types of guys but they are a lovely family.

So about 3 weeks ago this friend messaged me at 1am, totally sober saying completely out of the blue how she and her husband just finished being intimate and how they spoke about involving me and how would I sleep with her husband when the time comes. To which my reply was along the lines of what the hell and no not a chance in hell. We then spoke back and forward her saying she just wanted to please her husband and she thought that would do it and me saying how did you possibly expect me to react to this as firstly I'm pregnant, secondly you know I have zero attraction to your husband and especially with my past history also.

I stopped speaking to her as she was making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and almost pimped out, so she shows up to my home while thankfully I was out shopping my kids and I got home to chocolates and a letter.

What was in the letter horrified me, she was using words which I had used to describe how I felt after my assault to try and justify her actions which I felt was hugely manipulative and a slap in the face. I haven't spoken to her since leaving myself completely alone with no support during my pregnancy as I feel the trust has gone and no one to watch my kids when I go into labour in a few weeks but I still feel like I have made the right choice as I couldn't even look at her now. But I would like to hear everyone else's opinions on it.

TIA

OP posts:

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 12/10/2019 16:33

That sounds horrific. Are you definitely sure the messages and the chocs etc were from her and not him being an absolute creep and posing as her?

HollowTalk · 12/10/2019 16:33

Is she insane? Why on earth would you want to sleep with her husband, and why on earth would she want you to? And you're pregnant, too?!

The trust has gone. You need to start thinking about who can support you with your children - are you friendly with any of their friends' mums?

HollowTalk · 12/10/2019 16:34

I can't imagine saying to a friend of mine that I couldn't understand her attraction to her husband. Why would you say that?

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2019 16:34

I don't think you're going to get anyone saying YABU

Cherrysoup · 12/10/2019 16:34

Bloody hell, she sounds batshit. I think you are well off without her in your life. I hope her husband isn’t pressuring her into this strange behaviour.

Lanaa · 12/10/2019 16:35

Wow she sounds awful. YANBU. You should cut her off completely.

LolaSmiles · 12/10/2019 16:36

How bizarre, on many levels.

I dont find my friends' husband's attractive but I'd never tell them that because it's weird and commenting on the attractiveness of their husbands positively or negatively is weird.
Equally their post sex conversation is weird.
Then telling you about their chat is weird.

grumpypregnanttired · 12/10/2019 16:39

Yuck! She sounds insane and disgusting! Stay well away!!!

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 16:41

The reason I've mentioned it as she has asked on several occasions if I found him attractive and I tried to say rather politely he isn't my cup of tea but she would always bring it up and be quite explicit about there intimate life which I always just kinda laughed off.

Messages are definitely from her sadly and to throw other spanner into the works she just recently cheated on her husband as well which she told me about and I just said nothing as I didn't want to cause any problems in their family and I have enough of my own stuff to deal with just now, mainly focusing on a high risk pregnancy and my two little ones.

I feel so hurt and alone now, and completely sick as I have genuinely no one to watch my little ones when I get my induction in 6 weeks which means emergency foster care and possibly them getting split up into different homes.

OP posts:

Mammyloveswine · 12/10/2019 16:43

This is bizarre!!!

Also where is the new baby's father? And your current children's fathers? Could they not help in labour?

Sorry op the whole post is odd, you saying to your friend you didn't understand what she found attractive about her husband but then her wanting a threesome?? Wtf??

Nondescriptname · 12/10/2019 16:46

It could be worth speaking to her in person, or on the phone, just to be sure it's really her saying this stuff.

Notajogger · 12/10/2019 16:48

She sounds very odd. Can the father(s) look after the children for a bit? Better than emergency foster care?

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 16:48

Older kids father isn't involved due to DV and this baby's father doesn't want anything to do with us anymore.

She was always inappropriate when it came to stuff like that and tbh I was just happy to have a friend so when she asked like oh what do you think of " hubby's name" I would be like he isn't really my type but that they are a lovely couple as I didn't know what else to say. Looking back I can see alot of red flags in the stuff she spoke about and asked me about in that sense, maybe I should have picked up on it but tbh I was just so happy to feel like I had someone who had my back

OP posts:

MariahDontCarey · 12/10/2019 16:53

Yikes.

I have no idea what to suggest except to sever all ties. What a shame for you.

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 16:56

Just to put out there, I'm actually a very prudish person and even talking about sex makes me very uncomfortable and it took me alot to even be intimate with someone again after my assault so when ever she brought up the topic I just awkwardly laughed and tried to change the subject as soon as possible.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2019 16:56

Yes but you always ran that risk.

What if she had flu?

What if she broke a limb?

There could've been any number of reasons why she couldn't look after your kids.

Can you look at a few babysitting agencies and check availability?

Nondescriptname · 12/10/2019 16:58

Oh dear.
She's not a friend at all then.

I've no idea how foster care works.
Could you contact SS to set up an arrangement for your kids?
Or does it have to be left until it's an emergency when you are in labour?

Bellringer · 12/10/2019 16:58

If you really have no one to mind dc when you have baby, and can't afford child minder or nanny, social services will provide foster home. Not ideal, but don't deal with your ex friend, that's properly out of order.

Fantie · 12/10/2019 16:59

Tbh I don’t think the explicit talking about sex life is a red flag. I talk about mine with a close friend and I can assure you I do not want her to join me!

Is that really what happens if you have no one to watch your kids ? They go to foster homes for a bit...

I hope you get something sorted!

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 17:00

Yes I always ran that risk but it wasn't the only option now it is.

Babysitting agencies aren't an option as I couldn't afford to pay over £200 at least which it would cost to for me to be in hospital for at the very least 24 hours. I'm a single parent struggling financially as it is with still items to get in for baby.

OP posts:

ChickenGoujonDestroyer · 12/10/2019 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Mynameishuman · 12/10/2019 17:02

I've actually self reffered to DS to get something sorted and they quote said " we can't help as no DS have been involved in the past" so what I've been told to do is take the kids to hospital with me and the hospital social worker will sort emergency care which will run the risk of them being separated

OP posts:

Fantie · 12/10/2019 17:02

Would you still trust your friend to watch your kids?

I’d be inclined to say how you feel. You don’t ever want to hear about it again.

Let her watch the dc and then fade her out after

Tweetingmagpie · 12/10/2019 17:02

Is there absolutely no one who could look after them? What about another mum or neighbour. I think people would be happy to help if they knew your situation.

WorraLiberty · 12/10/2019 17:02

In that case short-term foster care is ideal for you.

Either way, you'll have to get on with sorting it ASAP.

Good luck

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