Best mate overstepped boundaries opinion.

[Mynameishuman]

Hi there just a brief background info, I'm a single parent to two kids under 6 and currently 32 weeks pregnant with baby 3. I've known this girl about 5 years and we have become really close this past year when I've had no family or much friend support.

This friend of mine knew about my past experiences with sexual assault and difficulties with that and she also knows my opinion on her husband as I've said in nice ways I don't understand the attraction to him when we have discussed our types of guys but they are a lovely family.

So about 3 weeks ago this friend messaged me at 1am, totally sober saying completely out of the blue how she and her husband just finished being intimate and how they spoke about involving me and how would I sleep with her husband when the time comes. To which my reply was along the lines of what the hell and no not a chance in hell. We then spoke back and forward her saying she just wanted to please her husband and she thought that would do it and me saying how did you possibly expect me to react to this as firstly I'm pregnant, secondly you know I have zero attraction to your husband and especially with my past history also.

I stopped speaking to her as she was making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and almost pimped out, so she shows up to my home while thankfully I was out shopping my kids and I got home to chocolates and a letter.

What was in the letter horrified me, she was using words which I had used to describe how I felt after my assault to try and justify her actions which I felt was hugely manipulative and a slap in the face. I haven't spoken to her since leaving myself completely alone with no support during my pregnancy as I feel the trust has gone and no one to watch my kids when I go into labour in a few weeks but I still feel like I have made the right choice as I couldn't even look at her now. But I would like to hear everyone else's opinions on it.

TIA

Good luck. It sounds hard but I would trust foster carers more than a childminder. They are vetted and trained and can keep the DC as long as you need them to - also it won't cost you so you won't be panicking about that.
Honestly some people don't seem to understand the fact that you have nobody to help.
I think the children will cope fine if you pack them a nice bag to take with them.
It is a nice offer from pinky

How are you feeling OP.

@Mynameishuman sorry you’re having a shit time.
The ex friend is a crank- steer well clear
Have a rant here if you want people to known to or offload to
Remember- you’re vulnerable and now is probably not the time to be making new friends. Foster careers are trained, vetted, insured, and experienced.

Also quite frankly it's just weird to proposition a friend who is a single parent to two young children with another baby due in 6 weeks. What are they thinking?! Sounds like her partner has pushed to ask.

Why is there always at least a few people who make totally illogical suggestions? How the hell is a doula going to help?? Being a doula is a specialised, niche profession. They are not cheap babysitters In fact they are incredibly expensive, as the op has already discovered.

OP - I hope you are doing ok. You have two very big events happening at the same time - giving birth, and having to be separated from your kids for the first time. Three if you count for creepy "friend", but she is just a hassle you don't need. She sounds like a predatory creep, put her right out your mind and have nothing more to do with her.

As PP's have said, emergency foster care is the best place for them. This is what it is designed for. I know a foster carer who does this often and she is lovely and the kids have a great time before returning to their mum. They are all trained and vetted. Also ignore the batshit suggestions to ask random people from a local church

Take a deep breath, acknowledge that you have two big events happening at the same time, and then plan for them. Don't spend money you don't have trying to make other arrangements; your health visitor will help arrange the foster care and it will be fine. PP's ideas to pack an overnight bag with a letter and various bits and pieces is a good one.

Also, and I can't be sure on this, but I don't think they will be split up? If I was a foster carer and could take a 2 year old, a 6 year old or both for a few days, I would always choose both. Less stressful for everybody I would have thought.

Anyway, good luck with it all xxxxxxx

Hi folks,

Just popping in to remind everyone that we can't vouch for anyone on the boards - please do share information about yourself with caution.

Good luck OP it won’t always feel so difficult. Your children are loved and they know you are there for them.

There's a possibility the children could be split up because foster carers have regulations that restrict how many children they can accept, or how many children they are considered competent to care for. I don't know the specifics in Scotland, but in England that rule could be broken on discretion ( it's called an exemption) and is commonly used if for example, it's in the best interests of a sibling group to stay together but it puts the carers 'over numbers' and there's no reasonable alternative placements. Bear in mind that the accommodation that foster carers provide for children has to be stricter than we'd neccessarily do for our own - for example, not overcrowding, not allowing mixed gender children to share rooms, not allowing to share a room with an unrelated child (eg another foster child). Because of rules like these, and because it will be dependent on what's available on the day, it's right for the OP to be forewarned there's no guarantee that they can keep the children together.
That said, short placements are usually much easier to find, and placements for younger children are easier too (most foster carers go into it wanting to look after babies/toddlers)

Op I really feel for you. You sound like a great mum. Its really hard when you don't have a support network, esp when others just 'don't understand' how that can be. Im in a professional job and probably look like I've got it together but due to my background I haven't grown up with a support network (abusive family, one sibling dealt with it by emigrating, the other is a recluse - we weren't close as children so none of us knew how to be as adults). I think if you haven't been part of a supportive network it's genuinely hard to learn how to find one/build one and foster it in adulthood. Self reliance is a habit. You've done well to steer clear of this friend though. I hope you find some nicer people when your little one is here.

Your HV has driven your anxiety levels up unnecessarily OP.. she is bang out of order scaring you and has not been helpful you at all

The HV has been honest about the situation and how to best manage it. It's a scary scenario - why sugar coat it now and mean that it's complete chaos and more distressing when the time comes? You're bang out of order making the OP doubt her HV when she has so few people supporting her as it is.