Best mate overstepped boundaries opinion.

[Mynameishuman]

Hi there just a brief background info, I'm a single parent to two kids under 6 and currently 32 weeks pregnant with baby 3. I've known this girl about 5 years and we have become really close this past year when I've had no family or much friend support.

This friend of mine knew about my past experiences with sexual assault and difficulties with that and she also knows my opinion on her husband as I've said in nice ways I don't understand the attraction to him when we have discussed our types of guys but they are a lovely family.

So about 3 weeks ago this friend messaged me at 1am, totally sober saying completely out of the blue how she and her husband just finished being intimate and how they spoke about involving me and how would I sleep with her husband when the time comes. To which my reply was along the lines of what the hell and no not a chance in hell. We then spoke back and forward her saying she just wanted to please her husband and she thought that would do it and me saying how did you possibly expect me to react to this as firstly I'm pregnant, secondly you know I have zero attraction to your husband and especially with my past history also.

I stopped speaking to her as she was making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and almost pimped out, so she shows up to my home while thankfully I was out shopping my kids and I got home to chocolates and a letter.

What was in the letter horrified me, she was using words which I had used to describe how I felt after my assault to try and justify her actions which I felt was hugely manipulative and a slap in the face. I haven't spoken to her since leaving myself completely alone with no support during my pregnancy as I feel the trust has gone and no one to watch my kids when I go into labour in a few weeks but I still feel like I have made the right choice as I couldn't even look at her now. But I would like to hear everyone else's opinions on it.

TIA

Another thought OP ..if you have fled a domestic violence situation with your children could you maybe call Womens Aid..they might be able to coordinate some help for you.0808 2000 247...they are amazing they never fail to astound me how far their reach goes in help towards women who desperately need it.Ring them for a chat ..you have nothing to loose and they might take some of your fear away regarding the kids care? just another one to try too for support is Gingerbread..the single parent helpline 0808 802 0925....really reckon they could support you too or point you in the right direction for the kids whilst you are in hospital locally I mean.....hope it helps

OP, I think you really do need to sit your children down and explain to them in an age appropriate way, that they may have to be looked after by someone they're unfamiliar with but that it won't be for long...just until mummy and baby get out of hospital.

Because even if you can find a parent from the school to agree to take them on the day/time you're due to go in for induction, who's to say you won't go into labour naturally before that?

Agreeing to take a day a couple of days off work in 6 weeks time on a certain date and time, is completely different to having to get up at 3am and go to fetch your children, or they might be at work and unable to leave etc.

You need to have that conversation with your kids soon.

I've had the conversation with my oldest about it, she knows and I have spoke to her about any fears she may have, she has known for the last two weeks but my youngest is only 2, he can't even go to sleep without me so he will be distraught both of them will be thankfully my oldest is a very smart girl and we have sat and spoke about it and she knows mummy is only going to be away for a few days at the most but the thing i thought they would at least have each other but if they are on their own I honestly don't know how they will handle it.
My midwives and consultants and even my DD's school know the situation, everyone has gave me conflicting advice, but the HV and DS have both assured me there is 110% no concern of how my children are looked after as they are happy, healthy, bright thriving wonderful children who are incredibly well looked after, my HV words exactly.

I genuinely felt physically sick when my friend sent me that message the wording of it and everything was so off, the penny dropped tbh I think that's was she was after all along knowing I was vulnerable. It was definitely her because I saw her driving away after leaving the letter and chocolates at my door.

Looks like a few judgemental bullies out today. @rollNsausage can’t you read that the OP is already upset??? Asking why she has 3 children??? What a fascist, eugenicist thing to say. Really don’t understand the point of your comment other than kicking someone while they’re down. Also like others have said, why the hell would the children be better off with strangers from the internet than with vetted foster carers? I would imagine short term foster care is for situations exactly like this one

@rollNsausage, you really don't have a clue. Not everyone has family they can rely on. Living with DV isolates you. The OP has only been living in the area a few months. What do you think people on low income have to sell?

"find the money", we'll close all the hostels and food banks and tell the users, that, if it's so easy.

OP you sound amazing and the love for your children shines through your desperately sad posts.

Mumsnetters of Scotland, is there any way you can help? I live hundreds of miles away but was prepared to offer to stay over if you lived near me. There just might be someone on here who is a registered child minder or similar, who could help. I am hoping and wishing for this to happen.

Your (now ex) friend is a perv, by the way, who is actually exploiting your sexual assault. Keep away from her for ever.

You deserve a break from all the crap and I hope something good comes from posting here

If the youngest is only 2 that's even better really.

2yr olds tend to be very resilient. I'm sure they'll bounce back quicker than you think.

The only real concern is how long you may have to spend in hospital and at home recovering. If it's longer than expected, perhaps your friend couldn't have helped out for that long anyway.

Whoever looks after your children, it will be a stranger or near stranger. Personally, I would far rather it was a vetted and experienced foster carer in those circumstances than someone I vaguely knew doing me a favour. You speak of your kids being ‘split up’ as if this will be horrendous and massively damaging. But, even if it does happen, it doesn’t need to be at all. Take the time now to explain to them in an age appropriate way, that they will go and be looked after by someone else while mummy has her baby but then you will all be together again as soon as possible. It could be less than 24 hours if your birth is straight forward. 3 days ish maximum if you have a C section or complications.

Have you heard of the Charity Gingerbread? It's for single parents, i wonder if you could contact them for advice...i think they have local forums too, so you might be able to ask on there what others have done in the same situation. Personally i would ignore the posters saying to look on gumtree for babysitters- crazy! The foster carers will be amazing and will have done this before a load of times! And they are completely vetted, probably safest place you could ever leave a child nowadays. The foster carers will be as mindful as possible that your child might be worried or scared and will do all they can to make them happy and settled. I think if i was you i would be talking to your kids about what will happen and making it sound like a bit of an adventure, perhaps buy them a little bear each to go on the adventure with them, pack their fave bedtime book and note saying how much you are looking forward to introducing your their new sibling to them and you can't wait for a big group cuddle as a family of four. Chin up lovely, it will all work out and your kids. Post birth of baby think about contacting gingerbread, my friend used to go on the day trips they organised when we were little, she had an amazing time, i was very jealous! You could meet a really helpful community of single parents in your area and some really good friends. Keep positive, sending hugs Xxx p.s ignore the mean judgemental comments, some people enjoy putting others down!

As hard as it is for you try to sell it as a special sleepover for your 6th year old. Buy her some new PJs and some chocolates to give to the foster family to turn it into something exciting.

Remember all you have overcome already, you can do this as well.

@rollNsausage You should be ashamed of yourself. What a bitch you are.

Quoting from pp *OP - do you have no family whatsoever? no parents, siblings, aunts, cousins you could ask? No neighbours you could ask? any colleagues?

I find it hard to believe there is absolutely no one you could ask.*

Previous poster comments above, Op has explained her situation already and so many questions must be hard. Some people are genuinely alone/unsupported. OP has said that some comments have broken her and she has been crying.

OP you are strong and will get through this hard time. Foster care would only be for a brief period and I do hope that works out for your family as I think they are usually warm, welcoming family homes. I hope you are alright.

@rollNsausage go and bully someone else you sanctimonious jerk. What a horrible post. OP I am nowhere near you to help but your children will be well cared for in emergency care and I am sure SS will do everything they can to keep them together.

Human, I’m in Glasgow, if I can help I’m available, I have a PVG and am a sahm.

Have you tried the charity Gingerbread, for single parents OP? They offer practical support and advice.
You won't be the first single parent to older kids to give birth. Please don't worry yourself more than need be when you're having a high risk pregnancy.
Distance yourself from the weirdo friend, it sounds like you were being groomed.
Ignore the select few absolute IDIOTS on this thread as well, please. If it looks like they're trying to make you feel worse, it's because they are. Waste of thread space bullies.

@rollNsausage are you for real??

Sorry those comments from rollNsausage, the bold failed. Can now see other posters also challenging them. Don't want anyone to think they were my words....just awful

OP, social services will help you and your children will be fine and safe. If you were nearer I'd have helped gladly. Sending you best wishes

The charity called One Parent Families Scotland might be able to advise? They have a freephone number.

This can't be an unusual situation surely.

I never understand it when we have a thread where someone is clearly distressed and needs help and someone comes on and posts something unkind or nasty. Thankfully the majority on here are very supportive and kind.

Fellow Weegie here, @Mynameishuman. . I went into foster care for a few days as a child when my sibling died. It was absolutely fine and I remember having a nice time.

It sounds like a better option for you than some of the suggestions here imo as the foster carers will have been vetted by social services and will be able to care for your children should you need to stay in any longer. You should not have to spend money you can ill afford at a time like this.

Foster care is not the worst thing that can happen. Don’t listen to the people who are slagging it off. Children are in the care system for a whole load of reasons. You obviously are alone in the world OP. I think your friend has been grooming you. So sorry.

OP - it will be okay, worst comes to it then midwifes/social services will arrange foster care, but is there no chance you will get out the same day? I had no-one to look after DC1 when i went into have DC2, she spent the day at nursery as usual and i picked her up on the way home from the hospital.

Also if you post on a class whatsapp group saying how stuck you are i would be amazed if no-one offered to help.

Even if OP can get out the same day, running around after a 2 year old could cause her to hemorrhage.