Best mate overstepped boundaries opinion.

[Mynameishuman]

Hi there just a brief background info, I'm a single parent to two kids under 6 and currently 32 weeks pregnant with baby 3. I've known this girl about 5 years and we have become really close this past year when I've had no family or much friend support.

This friend of mine knew about my past experiences with sexual assault and difficulties with that and she also knows my opinion on her husband as I've said in nice ways I don't understand the attraction to him when we have discussed our types of guys but they are a lovely family.

So about 3 weeks ago this friend messaged me at 1am, totally sober saying completely out of the blue how she and her husband just finished being intimate and how they spoke about involving me and how would I sleep with her husband when the time comes. To which my reply was along the lines of what the hell and no not a chance in hell. We then spoke back and forward her saying she just wanted to please her husband and she thought that would do it and me saying how did you possibly expect me to react to this as firstly I'm pregnant, secondly you know I have zero attraction to your husband and especially with my past history also.

I stopped speaking to her as she was making me feel incredibly uncomfortable and almost pimped out, so she shows up to my home while thankfully I was out shopping my kids and I got home to chocolates and a letter.

What was in the letter horrified me, she was using words which I had used to describe how I felt after my assault to try and justify her actions which I felt was hugely manipulative and a slap in the face. I haven't spoken to her since leaving myself completely alone with no support during my pregnancy as I feel the trust has gone and no one to watch my kids when I go into labour in a few weeks but I still feel like I have made the right choice as I couldn't even look at her now. But I would like to hear everyone else's opinions on it.

TIA

Genuinely wonder why people like you and others on this, just come on to be nasty. Nothing else better to do @phoebesgift**

Because people bite and give them the attention they crave.

Much better if you and other posters can ignore.

I know, I'm rising to it when I shouldn't.

It isn't worth my time or energy.

Many foster carers are wonderful people and children are amazingly resilient. I hope all works out for you OP.

My aunt is a foster carer. My cousins have grown up and moved out so she does bits of short term foster care for younger kids to keep busy as she doesn't need to work full time. She's such a lovely warm person and I can imagine if she had your kids for a couple of days she'd make it a little adventure for them and they'd have a great time. Foster care really doesn't have to be the worst case scenario some people here are making it out to be.

I was in temporary Foster care twice when my mum was having my brother who was very poorly when he was a baby. No it's not ideal but I survived and I barely remember it now, Apparently I was staying with a woman and I didn't want to go back home!

I know how strictly vetted they are which is a sigh of relief in a sense, but it will still be scary for my little ones and I feel horrific for having to put them through it, thankfully it will only be once and hopefully I don't need a section and can be out quickly as I will just be wanting to get home to my kids

That's the spirit OP

Keep your chin up and good luck with it all

You sound like a lovely mum OP and I'm sure they'll be fine no matter what. Congratulations on getting the weirdo out if your life. Think of it as a lucky escape rather than a loss

Don't worry. She's gonna keep a picture of you by the bed next time.

👏🏼

You sound like such a lovely mum, OP. I'm a single parent too and whilst this isn't ideal, they'll be fine and will barely remember it in a year or so. I also know a foster carer who is beyond lovely. Best of luck 💐

My friend got a doula just covered the costs because of her difficult circumstances, so I wouldn't necessarily rule it out

Just want to say thank you, I really appreciate the lovely comments and helpful comments which has been the majority of them thankfully today has been tough and these comments have really helped so thank you nice mumsnetters ❤️

How the hell is a doula going to help? OP has said she can’t home birth due to size of baby and risk of haemorrhage. A doula won’t do childcare and will be a very expensive option just for company in the hospital.

I have absolute empathy for you OP. Another single mum here, I do have family but not close by so I do have one option. In your shoes I’d opt for foster care because they are vetted, experienced, and you know your dc will be safe.

Good luck and don’t be too proud to accept extra help from Home Start and the HV’s when you get home. You’ll need to look after yourself too

I understand your awful situation op and that you feel you have limited options, but you’ve stated several times that your lo’s will be terrified being placed in temp foster care and that you will be scared also.

Yet I’ve personally offered to look after your lo’s free of charge, spend the next 6 weeks getting to know you and them so they have a reasonably familiar face, have said I have a PGV check (which I’d of course provide), am local so could bring lo’s to see you and new baby, plus keep them in school routine. I have an HNC in childcare and early education, advanced first aid training and am currently a sahm to provide all day care and hospital visiting. Plus you have the opportunity of making a new friend.

Yet you’ve not responded to my post or pm (which of course you don’t have to, and can absolutely decline) and are still saying how worried you are about temp foster care, I’m really quite baffled.

I'm quite new to the site as I have rarely used it, give me a second as I need to find it but I am incredibly grateful for the help. Pinky

It’s no issue human, I just want you to know that you’ve got options. There is no pressure to accept, you need to do what feels most comfortable to you, just know that I’m here and happy to help however I can.

I honestly am so grateful, just I am useless with technology if I'm honest, I've just figured out how to tag someone on this, trying to get into the messages was new, the last time I posted before today was in 2017 so it has been a while.

@PinkyU has been very kind with her offer and I think it would be worth exploring, tbh. It would be lovely if you two could strike up a friendship and help each other out. Everyone needs friends and a support system, and this is a perfect opportunity for you OP.

@Zofloramummy

Because going through labour alone is hard too? Especially if you've had to bring your kids to the hospital and then they've been taken by social workers to temporary foster care, you might need a handhold?

My friend had a doula who offered her a basically free service

I've messaged pinky and another lovely lady who lives in England who also messaged me to offer help once I figured out how to get into my messages, again I'm not good with stuff like this at all. Takes me a while to figure out how to get around websites.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation OP and wish I could offer some help if I was closer. I hate to think of anyone without any help. I'm on my 2nd pregnancy and it's been tough, so I really admire what a string person you are, much stronger than myself

I don't know much about foster care I'm afraid, although I do think it's the best option as the screening processes are tough. However, what I do suggest is perhaps getting in contact with social services and asking perhaps if you could visit the foster carers beforehand so your children could meet them? Perhaps if they understood the situation too it is more likely the children would be together.

I really hope it goes well for you.

Your kids will be so excited about the new baby I'm sure they will be fine for a night or two.

OP - don't worry! As lovely as it is for people on here to say that they would help, your kids would be much better off with a trained foster carer who has experience of this kind of situation, a proper set up to look after your kids and someone overseeing what is happening on the day. If they have to stay with someone who's a stranger to them, better that stranger be vetted and supported by social services - that way it's more like them staying in a supervised hotel!

You are doing a fantastic job against a ridiculously unmanageable set of circumstances, but thank god you found out what your 'friend' is like now. Imagine she'd looked after your kids overnight and then revealed that she has no idea about appropriate sexual boundaries - you would have felt awful leaving your kids with her, so try and see the positives (i.e that you are now able to cut her out of your life, that you are going to meet your baby soon, that you live in a country where there are trained professionals who will pick up the slack when you need support) and bear in mind that your daughter is being a super star trooper and your son is only 2 and WON'T remember any of this in a few weeks time!

PinkyU what a lovely offer.

Can you have a homebirth op? Might be easier for you if you are a low risk pregnancy.

sopsmum the OP has said she can't have a home birth and is high risk.

But even if she wasn't, she'd still need childcare.