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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish that DP was better endowed?

294 replies

IHeartPinkGin · 11/10/2019 22:20

NC for this.

So as not to drip feed, DP and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He was a virgin when we met, so little in the way of experience, I have only had one sexual partner prior to him. I feel like the sex has dried up due to the fact that we can only ever do it in two positions due to his size. I never orgasm with penetration with him (whilst I could of easily with my previous bf.) DP is wonderful and attentive in bed, lots of foreplay etc and always makes sure I come, but I'll admit I'm finding the size of his member very frustrating now and I had better orgasms with my ex. AIBU to feel frustrated?? Anyone have any wise words of advise? He really is an amazing man otherwise and I love and value our relationship.

OP posts:
bluebelle79 · 12/10/2019 03:17

What is a cock sleeve?!

I had a partner who was v small once, he was v good at foreplay which was always amazing for me, but then the actual penetration part afterwards was disappointing. Slipping out and me not feeling much. He was completely paranoid about his size though and was always asking me if he was too small and did it feel as good as past boyfriends. I was only young and didn't want to upset him or give him a complex, plus I knew my body wasn't perfect! Things fizzled out after a year or so for various reasons, the constant questions and him asking for reassurance didn't really help. Strangely the next boyfriend I had after him was huge, it hurt and I got thrush every time we had sex, put me right off huge guys. I had a few more boyfriends who varied in sizes between the previous two extremes. Eventually met my DH who was the perfect fit, don't get me wrong he's more a grower than a shower, but once we're up and away he feels the perfect fit for me, full, but no pain.

I think you have to weigh up how important a bigger penis is against the other qualities of the relationship. We're all different, one person might find it a deal breaker, someone else might priorities the other aspects of the relationship and how he is in other ways. Neither decision is right or wrong, we all need different things from relationships to make them successful long term, and what works for one person doesn't for another.

Monty27 · 12/10/2019 03:25

I'm older. When a very ex DP starved me of intimacy for months on end at times. He was 7 years older than me. I was in 30s. After years of it I broached the subject. He tried harder. Pun intended. Turned out he had erectile dysfunction by this stage too.
I let the relationship fizzle out.
It won't get better physically.
I hope this makes sense. I did love him until the lack of intimacy created an abyss of loneliness.

MrsTriOskvi · 12/10/2019 09:36

@bluebelle79 they are like hollow rubber dildos that go over the cock and usually have a ring at the bottom that go round the balls they add length and girth and come in an array of formats with lots of different textures and help the guy to last longer to. They are lots of fun even if you are with somebody you don't think is small. Me and dh do love our toys 😂👍

Thehop · 12/10/2019 09:52

We can’t manage doggy at all, due to size, but everything else in the relationship makes it a perfect match so it’s fine. It really does depend on how the rest is and what matters.

It’s a shame he’s not open to dildos, but only you know how much you can mix it up to make it up.

SimonJT · 12/10/2019 10:43

For some people certain aspects of a relationship are a deal breaker, if this is an issue at the moment how will you feel about it in five, ten years etc?

No relationship perfectly ticks every box, but we all have some boxes that are less important than others.

It would be a deal breaker for me, I genuinely thought going without certain things sexually in my last relationship wouldn’t be a problem, it quickly became a very big problem as it wasn’t enough for me and as my partner knew that it caused a lot of insecurities.

Dieu · 12/10/2019 10:49

I couldn't be with someone who has a really small penis. I'm in my mid 40s now, and although currently single and not getting any, I couldn't bear the thought of disappointing sex forever.
I've had 3 children too, and things will never be the same down there again. So it's a big penis all the way for me. And if my big fanny is a dealbreaker for him, so be it Grin

combatbarbie · 12/10/2019 11:03

OP, I don't think your being unreasonable at all. I know the feeling you mean. I think this is the perfect time for toy play but not dildos, def think as said above, sheaths are the way to go. But I would def recommend one that straps over his balls so that it doesn't slip off. By wearing one you are both getting the satisfaction of penetrative sex.

I found this link quite good www.lovense.com/pens-sleeve

combatbarbie · 12/10/2019 11:07

Ok that link doesn't work but this is what you are looking for

www.xxxlovetoys.co.uk/sex-toys-for-men/131-140-vibrating-grande-penis-extender-black-or-clear.html#/47-colour-clear

NCDreamer · 12/10/2019 11:20

DH isn't small. He's 6.5" but after kids, stitches etc he still slips out.

I couldn't be doing with 4"

Notallitseemstobe · 12/10/2019 11:39

I've had two children but after a cough that drenched me I have done kegels and variations regularly. Apparently very tight... Its going on my CV.

It sounds like he has a can do attitude and wants to please.

The other option is to suggest swinging? But of variety for you?

madcatladyforever · 12/10/2019 11:41

It never bothered me, I've had big and small, I preferred small as big used to make me sore.
It's the pelvic grinding that gives me orgasms rather than the penis.
Sorry too much information.

angell84 · 12/10/2019 11:42

Yes , I heard a man say (irl) this week, that he broke up with his ex - because he wanted some-one with bigger tits.

angell84 · 12/10/2019 11:43

I was really disappointed by some-one with a small penis once. I genuinely couldn't frel if it was in or not. It is a bit if a deal breaker

NerdyCurvyInkedandPervy · 12/10/2019 11:57

I'd highly reccomend a cock ring. Great inventions, especially the vibrating ones. You can even get them in the pound shop!

timshelthechoice · 12/10/2019 12:42

Dear god, he has a tiny todger so the suggestion is for her to take up her arse to get off?

The thing is, when you're a couple of years in, it's not a good sign this is already so much work. But kids, jobs and life with babies and young kids into the mix and fiddling with cock sleeves and tying yourself in knots to keep his dick in and bum sex becomes yet another chore.

If you, OP, are fine with this type of compromised sex life, then by all means go for it, but don't kid yourself that this won't be an issue forever because if it weren't you wouldn't have been posting on here.

timshelthechoice · 12/10/2019 12:44

Yes , I heard a man say (irl) this week, that he broke up with his ex - because he wanted some-one with bigger tits.

Good, better than lying to himself and her and now they are free to find others more suited to them.

Mimithemouse · 12/10/2019 12:53

I think some of the messages on here are horrible sorry, men cannot change the size of their penis and surely if you love the man you love his penis because it's his. Imagine if you had a young teenage son who was worried about his size, would you let him read some of the replies on this?

ethelfleda · 12/10/2019 12:58

I wish I was as filthy as you lot. I sure I’m a closet nymph because I can’t stop bloody dreaming about a good hard shag - and it’s always with DH in my dreams! And he has the most perfect penis I have ever seen - shape size everything... what am I missing??

Thanks for the pelvic floor reminder though Smile

Hopoindown31 · 12/10/2019 12:59

Leave him, he deserves someone who is satisfied with him as he is.

ballsdeep · 12/10/2019 13:39

8 don't understand what small is to some. Pp said 6.5 inches was big, I don't think it is that big. I think it's whatever floats your boat tbh

FoodWoes · 12/10/2019 14:04

Ballsdeep. That poster didn't say 6.5 was big.

She said it wasn't small.
If 5.1 is average then 6.5 isn't small.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 12/10/2019 15:04

I read some very good advice many years ago, Mother87. It was to scrunch your internal muscles for a count of ten then wait a minute or two and do it again. You repeat four times at least four times a day. I used to do it before breakfast, at the bus stop in the morning, again in the evening and then at home before supper.

If there's somewhere you stand for a few minutes - brushing your teeth for example - put one of those brightly coloured adhesive dots on the mirror to remind you to do your exercises. It's good to do them any time you're standing around with nothing to do, i.e in a lift, on public transport. It soon gets to be a habit and very little effort.

In the first few weeks just scrunching seems hard enough work. But once they're going well start imagining your vagina is a lift shaft and that each scrunch moves up a floor. Ground floor is your relaxed vagina. Then move up one. Then you move up again and again until you reach the third or (if you're ambitious and after lots of practice) potentially even the fourth floor.

This takes practice. You will probably find that as you get good at the lift shaft metaphor just doing the exercises is arousing.

Alternatively, if my amateur advice is a bit unclear there's good advice on this NHS website.

dontgobaconmyheart · 12/10/2019 15:17

No real advice for you OP other than a relationship with a man you love who is good to you and goes out of his way to get you off is hard to find- only you know the importance of this issue and the answer probably is talking to him about getting those specific needs fulfilled- making sure to be clear its 'a' need, not your only need- as clearly he does plenty of other things you like and would miss those too if he couldn't be bothered.

To chime in on pelvic floor. If you've got a PF issue or stress incontinence after a baby (or in general tbf) go to your GP and ask for a referral to a specialist womens physiotherapist. This is a service available in most trusts- no need to just suffer, and PF exercises done incorrectly are counterproductive, and can result in high tone which can make sex painful or cause pelvic pain. See the physio and do it properly -vaginas are not less worthy muscles than anything else and are complex.

Parmavioletgin1 · 12/10/2019 15:34

Op, If your overweight losing weight will allow for a deeper/ fuller penetration.

Branleuse · 12/10/2019 15:47

tricky situation. There are smaller women out there for whom a man like yours would probably be more than adequate, but it wouldnt be enough for me sexually. Im bisexual so its not like I need a penis, but if i am to have PIV sex with a man, the penis needs to be a reasonable size or preferably large, otherwise its not going to do anything for me. Maybe it would have done pre-kids, but im not sure.
That doesnt mean theyre less of a man or anything. I wouldnt mock or think anything less of someone, but they wouldnt be right for me in bed.