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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish that DP was better endowed?

294 replies

IHeartPinkGin · 11/10/2019 22:20

NC for this.

So as not to drip feed, DP and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He was a virgin when we met, so little in the way of experience, I have only had one sexual partner prior to him. I feel like the sex has dried up due to the fact that we can only ever do it in two positions due to his size. I never orgasm with penetration with him (whilst I could of easily with my previous bf.) DP is wonderful and attentive in bed, lots of foreplay etc and always makes sure I come, but I'll admit I'm finding the size of his member very frustrating now and I had better orgasms with my ex. AIBU to feel frustrated?? Anyone have any wise words of advise? He really is an amazing man otherwise and I love and value our relationship.

OP posts:
RubbingHimSourly · 11/10/2019 23:04

Can't you get on top ?? Surely that's a one size fits all position. Confused

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 23:09

If you don't want this to be your life then you need to be honest with yourself.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 11/10/2019 23:09

Average is 5".1 apparently.

SunshineAngel · 11/10/2019 23:15

I know this feeling. My ex (also my first sexual parter) was so small that I sometimes couldn't tell if it was in, or just rubbing against me. I know it's the worst question you can ask a man.. but I had to!

I know how horrible it is to be really, really horny and just need a good shag (sorry!) and then to have that dangled at you.. and you're just like.. okay.

Yeah, you can use fingers, mouths, toys.. but IME nothing quite matches up.

Because he was my first, I sadly didn't know any better.

My other sexual partners have been of varying sizes, and if anything my partner now is a little TOO on the large side haha. From one end of the spectrum to the other, but so long as he's gentle, it's okay.

For me, now, it would be a dealbreaker for me, as I honestly think that sex is important. I didn't realise this when I was with the small partner, as I didn't know any better. Now, sex is good, and I went through many years not even realising it could be this good! I know that probably doesn't help you very much, but if it was me, I would have to end things.. I'm sorry.

Interestedwoman · 11/10/2019 23:17

I had tthis with a lover and he was very aware he had a small one- he brought it up before I did. He actually had a psychological complex about his size and various issues.

Because he was aware of his size and stuff, he was quite happy to use a strap on. I had another lover once with erection issues, and a hollow, vibrating dildo worked for us as it was pleasant for both of us.

It's a shame more men aren't like the first bloke I mentioned and aware, or openly acknowledging, that it's a problem. Assuming he's not thick, he'll know he has a small one. It's kind of selfish of him not to help you out with a strap on or whatever.

Anyway, that was a long winded way of saying YANBU and it's selfish of your OH not to do what he can to make it satisfying for you.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 11/10/2019 23:18

If you learn to make the best of it you can enjoy a brilliant sex life and seriously improve your own sexual skills. Or at least that's my experience.

When having sex with a man with a small penis you need to deploy your pelvic floor to the max. Learn to grip. If gripping is difficult then do pelvic floor exercises several times a day until gripping is easy. The exercises produce rapid results. You can produce a sort of ripple effect around his penis which I found made orgasm almost automatic.

You'll find your muscles clenching round his smaller penis is even more enjoyable than sex with a larger one. I used to feel the pleasurable clenching of my vagina around him more than with bigger men because I wasn't being stretched. That little bit of room turns into a plus.

At first I found it worked best lying on our sides facing each other. Later we got more varied.

Expertise in the deployment of your pelvic floor is a great skill to have and increases your capacity for orgasm.

Justaboy · 11/10/2019 23:19

OP, is he getting fully erect no sign of ED at all?, this can sometimes cause that effect ie making it a bit smaller than it might be?.

Maybe an idea for him to see his GP with a view to see a urologist maybe?.

Have you tried cowgirl and reverse cowgirl?, thats a postion where its difficult o become "disconnected" as it were . It also allows the man to massage his partners clitorial area, helps the end result along a bit:)

As to woman cumming from PIV sex it dosent happen all that oftern in my past experence. Some women are more easily aroused than others but the reason is most of all of the time is the man dosent warm his partner up sufficently. Not really rocket science;)

Good of you for being sympathic and supportive of him, that sort of thing can be devastating for most all men not being able to perform and or being not equipped that well.

Hope you can get it resolved or as good as it can be!.

Mammyloveswine · 11/10/2019 23:19

My husband is very well endowed and I don't climax through penetrative sex alone... often I'll come through Foreplay then sex is "his" time to climax! I still enjoy sex whether I .orgasm before or after!

Your partner sounds very considerate!

EmmiJay · 11/10/2019 23:21

You've stuck it out for two years now sooo either you can live with the fantastical man and his small member or you can leave and go find a man with bigger member who may or may not be fantastical also? No one can really say what you should do here because nothing is going to give him girth or length. If you do move on from him, and do date again always check their hands/palms. Good indication of what maybe to expect Gin

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 11/10/2019 23:21

God, that was a looong post. Sorry. I just found it quite difficult to explain.

Justaboy · 11/10/2019 23:24

God, that was a looong post. Sorry. I just found it quite difficult to explain

Well what you say is very true:)

Andysbestadventure · 11/10/2019 23:27

Are you engaged OP or just living together?

L0bstersLass · 11/10/2019 23:30

Prawnofthepatriarchy has excellent advice. There are things you can do to improve this situation.

Blue7 · 11/10/2019 23:31

You as are not madly in love with him or you wouldn't have had to ask Mumsnet if to stay with him. If you want to experience bigger than finish with him. If you can experiment other things with him you should orgasm and stay with him. Is your body and vagina perfect?

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 23:33

Is your body and vagina perfect?

So what if it isn't? No one's is. She's allowed to have this be a dealbreaker, no one owes someone sex and a relationship if they don't want to. It's not her job to fix this for him and it sounds like he's not really wanting to since she said the dildo works better but he's not game.

Original poster
IHeartPinkGin · 11/10/2019 23:36

Thank you so so so much to everyone for their opinions and honesty and advice. He honestly is the perfect guy for me in every other way. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow I would. He does know he's small btw when we first DTD he said he knew it was small. At first it really wasn't a problem and as I said he always makes sure I come and that it's a nice experience for me. I guess im just missing the actual penetration iyswim.

Also @Prawnofthepatriarchy we cant do it facing each other. We tried and we just didn't "align" and I could barely feel him in me. But I think I will definitely try the pelvic floor exercises!

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 11/10/2019 23:38

This is why I slept with dh before our official first date!
You wouldn't commit to a new car without a test drive would you??

Original poster
IHeartPinkGin · 11/10/2019 23:40

@Blue7 I'm not asking if I should stay with him. That never came up at all. Was posting in AIBU mainly for traffic to see if anyone had any helpful advice. Of course my body and vagina are not perfect and I never said that they were!

OP posts:
MarianaMoatedGrange · 11/10/2019 23:42

Anyone else reading this and clenching like mad? Grin

WindyQueen · 11/10/2019 23:44

Alright SpinneyHill here's the cold hard truth. If you want bigger members in you 'clubhouse', you've gotta adjust the rules.

Original poster
IHeartPinkGin · 11/10/2019 23:45

@Justaboy he seems like he's fully erect... but I might get him to visit the doc as he has other health issues too and suggest a referral to the urologist.
We've tried reverse cowgirl but I didn't get much pleasure from it. Maybe I'm doing something wrong...

And to those saying please dont say anything to him - I never would!!!!

OP posts:
katewhinesalot · 11/10/2019 23:49

Put a pillow under you.

SpinneyHill · 11/10/2019 23:51

LOL! I am clenching now. OP I think we get it and the consensus seems to be no you're not unreasonable.
In his shoes(by the bed) I would probably feel a bit 'challenged' by a dildo too, it's so hard (no pun intended) because it's obviously something he can't help and if we were as nice as we are told we should be (as sexless women)it wouldn't matter. But it does.
Keep wishing but if you're happy enough and he get's you off try to keep it in perspective!
I couldn't fake the smile that well and hated myself for being so cock obsessed aka....erm...shallow?
Have you tried giving him the remote to a set of waah waah balls?

Blue7 · 11/10/2019 23:52

timshelthechoice

I just think it's a very personal thing to talk about with strangers about someone one you love. I can imagine a man asking my other halves tits are saggy or her vagina is a bit loose.

Justaboy · 11/10/2019 23:54

IHeartPinkGin Well OK if he's as hard as he ough be then fine, but it wouldnt do any harm to ask his GP for a refferal to see if anything could be done.

Tell you what though he as a fantastic partner in you for being so understanding.

I wish you both the lest of luck and happiness:)

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