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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish that DP was better endowed?

294 replies

IHeartPinkGin · 11/10/2019 22:20

NC for this.

So as not to drip feed, DP and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He was a virgin when we met, so little in the way of experience, I have only had one sexual partner prior to him. I feel like the sex has dried up due to the fact that we can only ever do it in two positions due to his size. I never orgasm with penetration with him (whilst I could of easily with my previous bf.) DP is wonderful and attentive in bed, lots of foreplay etc and always makes sure I come, but I'll admit I'm finding the size of his member very frustrating now and I had better orgasms with my ex. AIBU to feel frustrated?? Anyone have any wise words of advise? He really is an amazing man otherwise and I love and value our relationship.

OP posts:
Arnoldthecat · 18/10/2019 16:36

@TheWorldAsh Well only the OP can decide but i would certainly put it forward as a clear possibility. Its clearly an issue for the OP as she has posted here albeit it has apparently taken two years to come to this conclusion. Moral of the tale, do your research before getting serious,but surely OP must have noticed from the get go ? Maybe there is a general malaise and growing dissatisfaction with the relationship which is being incorrectly presented as a perceived phallic shortfall ?

TheWorldAsh · 18/10/2019 17:26

@Arnoldthecat from her posts she's mostly happy and not looking to leave. Her opening post says she would like to do more than a couple of positions. Personally I think a penis sheath would be best...but I guess as her DP has to wear that, and maybe that might make him feel inadequate?

@Branleuse How big works for you? How big is too big? You wouldn't want a sledgehammer to put a nail in the wall but an average sized penis is important enough to be a dealbreaker or you and that makes me curious.

Densol999 · 18/10/2019 17:29

Aaah the great cock lottery as I call it. You can never ever tell from height or size etc
Ive slept with many.
Definitely lose weight if you can ( and him too ) that will reduce any flesh between you
Clench clench clench all the time to get yourself tighter

My fella now is massive. Its like giving birth lol. I could never go back to anyone with a small penis now - you just know what you like

Justaboy · 18/10/2019 17:30

@TheWorldAsh i just had a look at a ruler and I am definitely mistaken. The 60mm in my head is not as small as I thought!

Indeed, that would be ouch!

Yes you had me worried there for a moment!, shirley no one could be bigger than;!!

Me:) Length ;Sufficent Girth ; Adequate:) TMI of course

All boringley average.

CSIblonde · 18/10/2019 17:49

@SpinneyHill, I'm so with you on the filth dripped in my ear thing! I dumped someone as he had a very narrow, 2-3 inch long penis when erect. I couldn't feel it & he was awful in bed, no foreplay etc. My first ever boyfriend was huge (no ones been that big since, more the average, which I believe is around 6inches)& honestly, it makes such a difference. I don't know what to suggest, I think the dildo prob made him feel more inadequate.To me it's a deal breaker.

Funghi · 18/10/2019 18:07

Small penis or big vagina?

to wish that DP was better endowed?
Branleuse · 18/10/2019 18:08

@TheWorldAsh Im not sure, but maybe im lucky that ive been with a few well endowed guys and I just prefer the sensation. My dp measures 23cm and tbh, no matter the trials and tribulations of a relationship, its just always been really good in that respect. It wouldnt necessarily have to be quite that big, but if it was a lot smaller it would be a dealbreaker. I wouldnt be horrible about it or think they were less of a man. My ex was a lot smaller and I just know what I do and dont like now.

NameChangeNugget · 18/10/2019 18:11

It would be a no from me OP. I’d have to end it

TheWorldAsh · 18/10/2019 19:59

@Branleuse 23cm is 9 inches. Not going to find many men fitting that bill. Not even in the porn industry!

@CSIblonde 6 inches is nearly an inch above the average.

TheWorldAsh · 18/10/2019 20:10

As a guy I find the amount of women who would find an average or slightly less than average penis length a dealbreaker fascinating.

Got to feel for those great, caring guys, who pull their weight, yet only have five inches of joy in their pants. 🙂

CravingCheese · 18/10/2019 20:28

@Branleuse

That's so long! I'm sort of impressed you mastered that schlong...
Really long (ouch) or really thin probably wouldn't do it for me.

But I feel like most men would say the same. If their girlfriend's vag was so short they could only insert half, would they really be ok with that for the rest of their life?

Or if their gf's vagina was muuuuuch to wide for their penis size? Or much to narrow? (aka if the penis didn't fit or they'd have to be super careful and stick to gentle rocking motions?)

CravingCheese · 18/10/2019 20:30

*too narrow
*too wide
Blush

TheWorldAsh · 18/10/2019 20:40

@CravingCheese I wonder how many vaginas could take 9 inches? I don't even have a cervix yet I'm feeling pain in it even thinking about NINE inches.

Itsrebekahvardysaccount · 18/10/2019 21:05

I really want to measure my DP now Grin

TheWorldAsh · 18/10/2019 21:08

@Itsrebekahvardysaccount it's can be fun. After all it needs to be as Iron hard as possible to get the best measurement. 😂

DarlingBuds19 · 18/10/2019 21:14

Maybe there is a general malaise and growing dissatisfaction with the relationship which is being incorrectly presented as a perceived phallic shortfall?

Could never have imagined "you obviously knew from the start so maybe there are other problems for you to be bothered by his dick size now" elegantly & poetically! Grin

DarlingBuds19 · 18/10/2019 21:14

*phrased so elegantly & poetically

ConFusion360 · 18/10/2019 21:19

I wonder how many vaginas could take 9 inches? I don't even have a cervix yet I'm feeling pain in it even thinking about NINE inches.

I think you would be surprised. There's something way up at the back that really adds something... and it isn't pain

CravingCheese · 18/10/2019 21:20

@TheWorldAsh

Some definitely can... But I personally really do believe that too long is worse than too short. But maybe that's just me... Seeing as a bruised cervix feels mostly like period pains to me. There was occasionally even blood the day after, so yeah... Not fun.

I really want to measure my DH when he gets home. But I wonder whether he'd mind... 🤔

DarlingBuds19 · 18/10/2019 21:22

Got to feel for those great, caring guys, who pull their weight, yet only have five inches of joy in their pants.

Quite honestly I couldn't give a toss about length past a few inches - because my g spot is a few inches in. After that I feel next to nothing and felt relieved when I read somewhere that that's pretty common - lower vagina is nerve end rich, upper vagina relatively not.

Also even not v long guys can hit your cervix (esp in certain positions) and perhaps some women are ok with that but I find if uncomfortable verging on painful. So to me it's undesirable to be over average length or even less.

Girth wise - not too thin, not to thick is ideal ; though of course that will vary according to the woman and her anatomy.

TheWorldAsh · 18/10/2019 22:15

@DarlingBuds19 Yup, I've read it's only the first few inches of the vagina with the nerve endings.

@CravingCheese Whilst I'm sure they can, after all a baby can make its way out, I've yet to encounter a woman who enjoys the feeling of a penis hitting her cervix. My wife really doesn't like that feeling so certain positions require carefully controlled thrusts from me, and I'm not packing a nine inch monster neither.

Oh yeah, you should measure your DH. My DW measured me many a moon ago and it was a fun way to spend and evening. Wink, wink. 😉

ConFusion360 · 18/10/2019 22:57

Quite honestly I couldn't give a toss about length past a few inches - because my g spot is a few inches in.

So is mine and I might have agreed with you once but, for me, there is definitely something right at the back that is way way better than the G spot.

Woodlandwitch · 18/10/2019 23:01

I agree @ConFusion360

I never realised what was there right at the back until I met DH. The first time we had sex he reached this spot I’d never felt before and it was so different to before

I was always satisfied before but this is perfect for me

SuperSara · 19/10/2019 04:59

Also agree with @ConFusion360

Something very special seems to happen with a really big one going deep. It feels completely different to orgasm from that, somehow.

ForalltheSaints · 19/10/2019 07:19

I am a man.

Judging by the number of men whose behaviour in and/or out of the bedroom is disgraceful or worse (many accounts on MN), and the qualities that the OP describes, ending the relationship would be no guarantee of finding someone better.

Were I to be dumped over penis size I would feel extremely hurt.