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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry with DH? AIBU.

241 replies

OverThinker0507 · 11/10/2019 00:54

We are supposed to be going away for the weekend tomorrow with our DC’s (primary aged). We have a 180 mile trip at 10am tomorrow. He told me he was going out for a meal and a few drinks for his friends birthday - which is fine - I waved them off at 7 this evening. It’s now approaching 1am and he isn’t home - he has decided to drink until the pubs close. He doesn’t go out often with friends , yet when he does he always takes it too far (drinks wise) - as in coming home very very drunk.

He will be home shortly and he will most likely just collapse on the sofa - but my point is he will still be over the limit tomorrow which isn’t safe for anyone. I’m furious as we are supposed to be going away with extended family also in the morning.

Please tell me how to handle this situation.

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 11/10/2019 09:09

Why the HUGE issue with OP driving then? Put her on the insurance (which she should already be on) and she can drive.

ChickenGoujonDestroyer · 11/10/2019 09:11

You've got 6 points for speeding and you're judging him for having a drink til 1am 😂😂👎👎 leave him be hes fine!!

Span1elsRock · 11/10/2019 09:14

I'd have left him asleep and gone by train.

As for everyone stating coffee counteracts the effects of alcohol, I'm speechless. Are people really that thick Confused

I wouldn't let him drive my kids or me today with that much alcohol in his system less than 12 hours ago.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 11/10/2019 09:15

Bluntness
Please go and check for yourself on just how long it takes to get back under the limit.

It takes roughly one hour per unit not per pint. A pint is usually 2-3 units so up to 3 hours to metabolise the alcohol from 1 pint

Redwinestillfine · 11/10/2019 09:18

According to the morning after calculator online after 7 pints he needs to wait 15 hours after he stops drinking until he's ok to drive, so if he stopped at 1am then he's not ok until 4pm Confused

Ninkaninus · 11/10/2019 09:19

God the idiocy and ignorance on this thread...

He was a dick, and I’d be livid too.

ElizaDee · 11/10/2019 09:20

Even though you have 6 points, 24hr insurance won't be that much. I'd make him ring and add you on and you drive. Problem with the trip sorted, not so sure about the problem with your DH.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 11/10/2019 09:21

Bluntness DH used to think like you and insisted he was fine, so I bought a cheap breathalyser off the internet and insisted he used it. He was amazed at how long he stayed over the limit for post-binge. Thankfully he is a data-driven sort and so trusted the device.

Damntheman · 11/10/2019 09:24

This has very little to do with being supportive of a partner going out to socialise and everything to do with the very reasonable expectation that an adult would have the foresight to not drink themselves silly the night before they know they have a drive planned at 10am.

Your husband behaved like an 18 year old and it's pathetic OP! I would have been livid too. Has he no self control??

Ninkaninus · 11/10/2019 09:26

Yes @Span1elsRock, evidently many people are that thick.

Amelia2000 · 11/10/2019 09:28

YABU.

I'd be mildly annoyed at most... but why are you going to let this ruin your trip away? You've already said you're getting insured for the day and driving.

Forget about it and move on. Enjoy your trip!

Ginger1982 · 11/10/2019 09:43

@Bluntness100 don't be so ridiculous.

@OverThinker0507 so who's driving then?

timshelthechoice · 11/10/2019 09:46

The ignorance of some people on this thread is astonishing. There is no way this person is under the limit now. I hope if they're stupid enough to let him drive that he gets caught because people who drive over the limit are cunts. I think the limit should be zero. In Scotland, it nearly is so if you're coming over here, expect to get pulled over, it's holidays here, too, and they're out.

Drum2018 · 11/10/2019 09:47

Let him get up at 10, leave at 10.30. Surely after almost 9 hours sleep he will be fine to drive after 7 pints

People really need to educate themselves on the effects of alcohol on their system. It takes around an hour per unit to break down in your system, starting when you finish drinking. A pint is 2-3 units depending on the strength of the beer. So no, 9 hours won't cut it. I wouldn't sit into a car with him and I'd be seriously pissed off with him for drinking given the trip was planned.

Ninkaninus · 11/10/2019 09:47

Mildly annoyed?? Some of you have such ridiculously low standards.

@OverThinker0507 there is no need to feel bad about getting angry. You should be angry with him for acting so irresponsibly and for messing up your plans and leaving you to do all the work today while he nurses his hangover. He should have prioritised his family responsibilities the next day, he’s not a young single kid FGS.

Ninkaninus · 11/10/2019 09:48

And whatever you do, don’t let him drive!

QualCheckBot · 11/10/2019 09:50

Mildly annoyed?? Some of you have such ridiculously low standards.

Perhaps they were raised in the 50's, when the man going down the pub and coming home drunk was the norm in some communities?

Can't say I was brought up to think its acceptable.

Andysbestadventure · 11/10/2019 09:52

7 pints and he will still be over the limit this morning unless he's 6ft 9 and 25 stone. Your husband is a dick, OP.

Blondebakingmumma · 11/10/2019 10:09

The amount of ppl who insist that the husband has to drive? Mind boggling

So what he was going to drive. Be flexible. Does it really matter that much.

The trip isn’t ruined unless he is too hungover to get out of bed.

Go enjoy your trip, if you get hung up Over the little stuff you will have a miserable life

Blondebakingmumma · 11/10/2019 10:10

The 1950s attitude seems to be that the penis has to drive

Ninkaninus · 11/10/2019 10:12

No...the husband doesn’t have to drive. But that was the plan. Now, because of his stupidity, the whole plan has to change, OP has faff around sorting insurance to drive on his car, she has to do the driving and also the general managing of the children (because he will be hungover and no good at all to anybody).

It’s the principle of it. He was a dick and she’s picking up the flack.

Ginger1982 · 11/10/2019 10:14

This ^^

Ninkaninus · 11/10/2019 10:15

The irony of you trying to play the penis card when a man has caused the problem and it’s the woman being told to happily pick up the slack and do his share of the bloody work of the day, without complaint, all because no one should ever expect anything much from the penis owner!

53rdWay · 11/10/2019 10:21

Surprised OP hasn't been told off yet for telling him to sleep downstairs, rather than sitting by his bedside all night mopping his sweaty hungover brow and murmuring soothing words to him.

Adults need to take responsibility for his actions. He knew he was planning to drive the next morning, so he shouldn't have got plastered and stayed out until 1am. Really not a hard concept to grasp.

Cheeseandwin5 · 11/10/2019 10:27

So let me get this straight:
He rarely does out and gets pulled into staying out later and drinking more than he should ( How lucky there are so MNs who never seem to have done that).
You expect him to drive but have now thrown your toys of your pram because you may have to?
You arent insured on his car because of your own reckless and dangerous driving practices.
Yes I agree with some of the other Mns- he is selfish and controlling and you should punish and than leave him immediately.
Sheesh

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